mullins Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 A week ago she told me she loved me but after what i had done (previous post) she needed space to clear her mind. When she came back she ended the relationship, this was 3 days ago. Yesterday she sent an email saying that she wants to be friends and do i want to see her this weekend as friends. Now i dont know about her but i dont have a switch to just turn love on and off, did she ever love me? why does she want to see me so soon? or is it just a politeness thing with no hard feelings? I also had a text today from her asking again if i want to meet up. I know she has a lot of other issues but something here doesnt seem right.
GB111 Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 There's no way she can sincerely be friends. I don't see how a meeting between you two is going to be productive. There's alot of water under that bridge (I've read your other post). Are you sure YOU can go out just as friends? I think it's a mistake to jump back in if you really like her. I'd give her some time to sincerely cool off and think about things. She's probably just very emotional right now and not sure what she wants. Seems to me "friendly" contact after such a short time is not only unlikely to be "friendly" but might actually damage your relationship in the shorter term. Best, GB
tikigods Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 Most people try to be friends after a relationship because they still have some fond feelings of that person and don't want to see them go forever out of their lives. Of course I Think this is pretty selfish sincethe other person (the dumpe) tends to still have feelings for that person and see friends as a chance to maybe win them back, when all the dumper wants is to be able to hang onto that person till their next lovecomes by. in short I would go No Contact
Author mullins Posted June 1, 2006 Author Posted June 1, 2006 I know i cant see her so soon if ever, i really dont see the point. I do wonder though that if she saw me she would want me again, but that is a risk i dont think i could take...another knock back if she doesnt. I just dont know how she can switch off so sudenly. This is how she worded it before asking to see me again; ''I hope that if you and I can be mates, we can have a laugh and with that other stuff gone we can help each other as good friends do. BUT and it is a big but....... if you even have the slightest thought that we can get together again as boyfriend/girlfriend then we can't even be mates..... I am absolutely 100 per cent strong on that. No more relationships for me for the forseeable future, no way, no how!!!!!! And if, and when I choose to have one or to date again, that is my business. I am getting my highs from doing positive and constructive things for me and my family, and learning about myself''
Carlthecoffeeaddict Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 cut her loose man......let it go she is clueless about her life. no direction. she thinks the grass is greener on the other side....it aint. do NC, 4 months later she'll wonder about you. Meanwhile, youre gonna meet someone better, hotter, sexier and you'll regret why you went out with your ex. YOU have direction. you know what you want, she doesnt. Girls often will eliminate a man, out of their own dis-content with their life, as if its' the guys fault, but its really thier fault. They think another man is going to make their life do a 180. Nothing personal.
norajane Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 I know i cant see her so soon if ever, i really dont see the point. I do wonder though that if she saw me she would want me again, but that is a risk i dont think i could take...another knock back if she doesnt. I just dont know how she can switch off so sudenly. This is how she worded it before asking to see me again; ''I hope that if you and I can be mates, we can have a laugh and with that other stuff gone we can help each other as good friends do. BUT and it is a big but....... if you even have the slightest thought that we can get together again as boyfriend/girlfriend then we can't even be mates..... I am absolutely 100 per cent strong on that. No more relationships for me for the forseeable future, no way, no how!!!!!! And if, and when I choose to have one or to date again, that is my business. I am getting my highs from doing positive and constructive things for me and my family, and learning about myself'' She knows who you are - she won't change her mind just because she sees you in person. She pretty much spelled it out for you. Friends only if you are not harboring secret desire to get back together. If you can't handle that, don't make attempts at friendship. No Contact will help you get on with your life much faster and with less angst.
Author mullins Posted June 1, 2006 Author Posted June 1, 2006 I am going to go NC with her, i may have screwed up in the past, but i blame some of that to not meeting the right girl. I cant do these mind games with her, she has done it ever since we met. it was 3 months untill i even new the name of the area she lived, 6 months and i went to her house having to promise not to right the adress any where incase my 'mad x's' came after her. Even to this day i dont know her last name. She used to come to my home, tell me how much she loved me then demand i take her to bed, if i said i dont work like that she would wheel spin off up the road. I think im starting to answer my own questions about her here.
norajane Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 Eek. You are asking how she could switch off her love for you so quickly and you don't even know her last name??? Love is an action, giving of yourself to another person. She hasn't given you anything if she doesn't even want you to know her name. I am confused on what kind of "relationship" this was?
Author mullins Posted June 1, 2006 Author Posted June 1, 2006 Eek. You are asking how she could switch off her love for you so quickly and you don't even know her last name??? Love is an action, giving of yourself to another person. She hasn't given you anything if she doesn't even want you to know her name. I am confused on what kind of "relationship" this was? i had always wondered that in our 'relationship' was not allowed to talk about x's, she wanted me to have no contact with any female friends. All this she said was because im trying to get into their bed (this was long before i cheated on her) It was as though she would never let me in, told me her x had lost her a good job and destroyed her confidence, got her into debt and used her. None of it makes sence, she has had 3 very serious long term relationships and all i know is that none of these men, even the boys father will even talk to her on the phone now. I always thought she just used me for sex and to be honest it was none of the passionate love making a couple have. I always said to my friend that she needs time, she is so sexy and she will open up one day, he told me over and over i was being used by her (it did always feel like that) She told me enough times that im not serious about her that i never take her out, but the truth is she would turn up at 9pm and ask me to take her to bed, then she would go home after she had a long cuddle saying how much she loves me. She also told me that the last year she slept with men from 24+(no relationship just sex) she is 42. Now i dont have a problem with the age thing, but when she told me recently that she has a psycholgical emotion that sex fills a hole in her life. Im thinking she has more isues to deal with than me, i only wanted her to let me in and show some commitment.
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