SarahRose Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 I have been with my bf for almost 3 years. I am getting ready to move to his town to be closer to him. This will happen in the next few months. I asked him if he wanted to live together when I get there and he said he prefers living alone. One time he said he wouldn't mind living together and another time I asked he said he just wanted his own place. It doesn't matter to me if we live together or not as I really prefer my own place too. It is going to be expensive to go there and try to have a job lined up before I go so I was thinking about asking him if I could stay with him when I got there until I found my own place. Do you think I am being fair to ask to stay with him? What if he says no? I think I might be upset if he says no and reconsider the move if he won't do that. I remember one time I went to visit and if he would have let me stay with him, I could have stayed twice as long but he said no and I stayed in a hotel and he still thought I was staying longer and when he found out I was only staying two weeks, he was sad and disappointed. I was thinking well doh, I could have stayed longer if you helped me out a bit. Also it made no sense that time as he stayed at my hotel about 99% of the time.
catgirl1927 Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 I think after this amount of time it's very fishy that he doesn't want you at his house. JMO.
norajane Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 If you are moving there specifically to be closer to him, and if he is not willing to let you stay at his place while you look for an apartment, then yeah, you probably should reconsider the move. He should be helping you during this time as moving cities and leaving your entire support network of friends and family behind is a big challenge. If he won't help, he's being selfish. Why move for a guy like that? I'm moving next month to the same city where my SO is. It's my hometown, so I don't really need his help - meaning I have tons of family and friends to stay with and help me as I try to re-organize my life before and after a 2000 mile move. Even so, my SO has pretty much offered any kind of help I need from a place to stay while I looked for an apartment to picking me and my kitty up from the airport to a place to stay while I wait for the movers to bring furniture to use of his car in the meantime as well, to help unpacking, and so on... If your guy isn't offering to help you, questioning whether he is into this move isn't a bad idea.
Author SarahRose Posted June 2, 2006 Author Posted June 2, 2006 Great replies! He didn't mind me going to his house, he just felt funny about me staying there as he was ashamed of it. Norajane, if he does refuse this time, I will ask him why he is unwilling to help me. Anyone else?
Walk Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 I really find it odd that he wouldn't let you stay at his place while you were there on vacation. embarresment shouldn't have stopped him from inviting you to stay with him. If the point was to spend time with you. If the house is good enough for him, then why would it be an embarresment for him. Really sounds fishy to me. Especially after dating for 3 years. He can't even have you stay at his place for two weeks? Did he even offer to foot some of the hotel bill for you? If he doesn't offer help in your move, I'd really rethink moving at all. It doesn't sound as if the man wants you to be a real part of his life. People who want someone to be with them go out of their way to help. Either by physical effort, sharing their home, or through financial help. But they help in some way. I really wouldn't make the move if you're doing it solely for him. If you want the move for your own personal reasons, and they don't involve him, then go for it. But I'm finding it hard to believe, from his actions, that he really wants this as much as you do.
Recommended Posts