How common do you think infidelity is?

[Chump64]

Re-thinking this…

 

You know, Target-d is right: And, I'd like to point out what so many others have. It takes two---two people---to have an affair. A man cannot have one all by his lonesome, so just WHO was it that they were having affairs with if not women? Or are you talking gay men, bisexual maybe?

 

Unless these cheating men were having sex with other men, there WERE just as many women cheating! If Suzy is not in a committed relationship, but she’s boffing John, who is married, then Suzy is still cheating. They are BOTH cheaters.

[enoughisenough]

"If religion influenced sexual behavior, we wouldn’t see priests and bishops being hauled off to jail weekly for raping little boys."

 

I think that shameful of their sexual orientation, they forced themself into priesthood due to maybe even their family's beliefs. They couldn't come out of the close, knew they couldn't be with a woman- since they dont desire women, therefore just tried to devote their life to god. Trying to suppress the truth, emotions, urges and feelings doesn't really work in the long run.

 

When did I ever say religion influenced sexual behavior? I said that is what kept marriages together.

 

But there actually is truth to religion making someone shameful of their sexuality. "that is a sin" "sex is a sin" "homosexuality is a sin" "premarital sex is a sin" and it goes on and on... therefore, I guess it does influence it somewhat, or maybe even a lot depending on how deep they were taught these beliefs by their parents. Many people are even ashamed to masturbate or be free in the bedroom cause they feel "dirty". Dirty due to past abuse and sometimes even a religious upbringing.

 

 

"Unless these cheating men were having sex with other men, there WERE just as many women cheating! If Suzy is not in a committed relationship, but she’s boffing John, who is married, then Suzy is still cheating. They are BOTH cheaters."

 

So you are saying every OW on this board is married? Otherwise, I wouldn't consider that woman cheating. She is not committed and sometimes is even oblivious to the MM marital status.

[Chump64]

Enough: Silk probably IS bitter. Mostof us BS are. Why wouldn't we be? And how does that invalidate our thoughts and opinions? The "you are bitter" card gets tossed out a lot here, as if to say BS should just get over it and suck it up. WFE.

 

And it doesn’t help when people like you come around and attack, with no good reason other than acting like a wannabe bad*ss. I know your situation, Enough. You get off on going around to people at LS and ripping on them. You are probably extremely bitter yourself, but too scared to tell your situation b/c you don’t’ want to get ripped on, the way you go around ripping on other people.

[Chump64]

So you are saying every OW on this board is married? Otherwise, I wouldn't consider that woman cheating. She is not committed and sometimes is even oblivious to the MM marital status.

 

 

So it's ok to boff a married man as long as you are single?

 

Main Entry: adul·tery

Pronunciation: &-'d&l-t&-rE

Function: noun

: voluntary sexual activity (as sexual intercourse) between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband;

 

No where in that definintion does it say the married person is the only adulterer. I agree when the OW or OM is unaware of the spouse, that it's a different situation.

[silktricks]

Silk probably IS bitter. Mostof us BS are. Why wouldn't we be? And how does that invalidate our thoughts and opinions? The "you are bitter" card gets tossed out a lot here, as if to say BS should just get over it and suck it up. WFE."

I don't invalidate actual mature discussions made, but most of what I'm hearing is senseless bickering and attacking so far with not much merit.

Maybe that bitterness and negativity should be directed at who deserves it and is at the center of your frustrations. But I guess most of you just let those people get off scott free, while you start berating anyone else on the board who would not accept the type of behavior from a loved one that you do.

EIE, you are the person who was berating me, not the other way around. When I give my opinion on the subject, you say I have no common sense, and you quote as "facts" opinions, not facts. You have twisted things I've said and attacked my opinion. That is what I call attacking and negativity.

 

You want to make your problem, my problem, and it is not. My "bitterness" is towards people who jump all over someone they don't even know because they don't "approve" of choices they have made. We BS have taken a shellacking on LS because we choose to forgive our WS - especially by OW. I'm tired of it, and seeing Chump attacked again and again for the courageous choices she has made infuriates me partly because I experienced the same lack of understanding and abuse from people who I still see doing the same thing.

 

If I thought a man or woman actually deserved a second chance, which many do, I'd be very supportive. Many don't and continue their dishonesty and they had no intention of ever leaving their affair unless they were caught.

What does it matter whether or not YOU think the WS deserves a 2nd chance. The choice is the BS, not yours.

 

To the op, I think infidelity is somewhat common, except the husband/wife is usually too clueless and too trusting to ever find out. Somewhere around 50% is pretty high. In many cultures from the past and still even the present, men are the main supporters. Which mean they are the ones venturing outside the homeplace and making numerous contacts. All the while the women are stuck caring for their children. The primary income providers are more likely to cheat.

Again, what are basing this on? Your opinion?

 

There is no doubt that infidelity is common - I would venture that it is actually far higher than 50%, especially if you are including EA not just PA. The problem I have is where you blame it all on the men. A man simply cannot do this by himself. It takes TWO (or do you include masturbation in your definition? In that case I'd bet the 99% is a close figure.)

 

Now things are changing because women are taking over the workplace, they no longer have to give full time and attention to their kids, and they are more demanding to have their needs and wants met than ever before.

are you saying this is bad or good?

[Ladyjane14]

Silk is NOT bitter. 'Nuff said.

 

I've missed alot of posts on this thread, and I'll have to catch up on some of them later.... but I already know at least THAT much.

[silktricks]

Silk is NOT bitter. 'Nuff said.

 

I've missed alot of posts on this thread, and I'll have to catch up on some of them later.... but I already know at least THAT much.

Thanks, LJ. It's one of things that you can't say, "No I'm not", 'cause that just makes it sound like, yes you are.

[Guest]

Not many people have confided in me about their marital infidelity, but I'd still put it at 50% having have had at least one unfaithful spouse.

 

I agree that to some degree marriage is outmoded. It wasn't that long ago that it was essential to survival. It used to be more important that your partner was a good spouse (provider, caretaker, parent...) and less significant that you had a "hot", emotionally fulfilling relationship. Now, with individuals more self-sufficient/independent, we have the luxury of demanding a higher degree of satisfaction in our relationships. We're not worried about feeding ourselves/having a dependable partner out in the fields/growing crops, etc, we want to be constantly happy and entertained.

 

Our unrealistic expectations are more suited for being uncommitted and hopping around between partners. That doesn't necessarily make our society less stable, except for it makes for tricky child-rearing. Seems like we're adapting to that though too with all the divorced/mixed families so common.