stillhere Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 I said i was going to stop writing, i guess i lied!!! Anyways, i just talked to him. We were supposed to get together tonight. He called, and his attitude changed. Said he didn't know if he wanted to see me tonight, didn't know if he wanted to see me anymore at all.............and i was doing so good. *sob* His brother told him i'm going out with him and his friend this weekend. MM is afraid i'm going to get drunk and bring some guy home. Not going to happen. Anyways, he said he's afraid of losing me, and he's trying to protect himself. Change of heart, i'm leaving in 10 minutes to go see him. I wanted this to be at my own pace, not his. I can understand his side of things, because he does love me, and the fact that we work together doesn't help things, especially if we break up, and it would kill him to see me with someone else. I told him i want to be happy, and he told me that he knew he couldn't give me that, and he wanted me to be happy too. Once again, we are both being selfish. Damn i hate this. Why the hell did i get on this damn roller coaster again?
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 it would kill him to see me with someone else SO what? That's his problem, not yours. He has a wife! When you've had enough, hopefully you'll have the strength to really see through his bulls*** and end it. And as for the work sitaution, is it possible to transfer somewhere else or find another job? I know that part of it sucks, but that's kind of the price (anybody) pays when seeing someone at the workplace. MM or not, somehow you have to figure out a way to NOT let him get to you while at work, if you're not able to leave.
movinon05 Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 I'm going to tell you what you don't want to hear. He is being totally unequivocally selfish! This is not about you!! This is about him. I can't imagine what he will say to you tonight or do with you that will make you feel better. He is playing with your mind!!!!!!! But I can guarantee, you are not going to be happy with the outcome when you get home. Its going to take things like this to make you realize you are worth so damn much more than this. And on top of it all, he says he wants you to be happy, but he can't give you that happiness!!! What does he expect you to do??? Be his cake for the rest of his life???? You said you were going to try this on your terms, date other people. And he doesn't like this at all. He's reeling you back. He wants it on his terms and his terms alone!! Do you not see the hypocrisy in all of this??? Why can't you see this!!!!! PLEASE open your eyes. Don't do this to yourself!!
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 He knows his selfish little world is coming to an end and he's trying his best to prevent that from happening. He WANTS two women in his life! To have a wife at home, that stability. A home, a family - He can entertain with his friends, his family, his inlaws etc...Then he has you, to fulfill the "fun and lighter" side of life that he doesn't get at home. The daily grind, day in and day out, all the s*** stuff they face in life. You get all the good stuff, as does he. Is that really fair and honest?
Author stillhere Posted June 1, 2006 Author Posted June 1, 2006 I'm back. I feel better after seeing him. We both left with tears in our eyes, but but i'm ok for right now. I need to stop this torture, but like i said, i'm not ready right now. Sometimes i think i'm blind, that's why i can't see what's right in front of my nose! I guess i just needed to vent. My head is a little messed up at the moment, not thinking clearly all the time.
zarathustra Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 I'm back. I feel better after seeing him. We both left with tears in our eyes, but but i'm ok for right now. I need to stop this torture, but like i said, i'm not ready right now. Sometimes i think i'm blind, that's why i can't see what's right in front of my nose! I guess i just needed to vent. My head is a little messed up at the moment, not thinking clearly all the time. I understand what you are saying... its really much harder if you work together. SH, there isn't ever going to be a time when you are ready to break it off. There will be a time when you just can't take the torture any longer and breaking it off is the better of two 'evils'. Do you feel like its torture now?
Author stillhere Posted June 2, 2006 Author Posted June 2, 2006 Some days, i do feel it's torture. Other days, i feel it's tolerable. It really hits me hard when he tells me about the family outings and such. He's since stopped telling me about them because i told him that it upsets me. We talk about our kids, and work, and us. I just don't want to lose him. When i started this thread, i was really upset because he's never had an attitude towards me like that. I've seen him do it to many others, but never me. He would ignore me at times when he heard rumors that i was screwing someone else from work, but within 10 minutes, we were talking because he couldn't stay mad at me and watch me suffer, wondering why he was ignoring me. Some day i will say enough is enough. It's not like me to put up with this for as long as i am. I play every scenario in my head, and right now, i'd rather hurt with him in my life than to hurt without him in it. I guess for now, i can share my story and hope others learn from it, and stay away from that MM that they've had their eye on.
Blind Illusion Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Sorry if you are going through this roller coaster right now. I so can appreciate the idea of chosing to hurt with him in your life than hurt without him. I sued to tell myself, "I hate ME for loving YOU so much"
Author stillhere Posted June 3, 2006 Author Posted June 3, 2006 I know what you mean! My parents want me to move to Arizona now! I'm not one for change, and that is a gigantic change for me! I'm way up north, it's not like it's a 2 hour drive. First thing that came to my mind, i can't leave my MM. I can't leave my job, i love it. I can't leave everyone i know and love. Plus, i knew the exH would never allow it to happen. I told my MM as soon as my mom called and asked me. He told me that he would stand by me and support my decision no matter what. If me and him did split, that would be a great way to get over him! Can't jump on a plane whenever i feel like it!
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