coulditbe Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 Hello all! I need some advice on a situation I have found myself in. I hope someone can shed some light on this. I am currently going through a divorce. I have become very close friends with a maried woman. She is not happily married. I have actually fallen very deeply in love with this woman . She is everything I have ever wanted or needed in another person. I know she cares for me very much, but I have no idea if it more than friendship for her. She is trying to make things work with her husband, and I do my very best to give advice from a mans perspective to help her make things better. Due to my feelings, it hurts to do this, but I am in no way willing to do anything to come between their marriage. I have way to much respect for her and for myself to do that. Her husband is a very jealous person, and does not believe that a man and a woman can be just friends. This of course makes me feel very guilty about possibly getting her into trouble with him, as well as the fact that it is disrespectful to him, when i know it will bother him. I know that we are going to be only friends. Yes I hope for more in the future, but I know if it never goes further, then I am still blessed with the best friend I have ever had in my life, and I can be happy with that. I would never push her to more, no matter what the situation. But the question I have, I guess, is should I back away from being such close friends with her due to how it could affect her and her marriage, or should I let her make that determination? It would hurt very much to back away, but I want to do the morally correct thing. A mutual friend has told me that I cant back away from her without seriously hurting her at this point. What should I do? Thanks in advance for your advice.
stillafool Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 You should definitely back away. She has told you and you know she is trying to work things out with her husband. If he is a jealous man you could get seriously and physically hurt behind this. Back away now because if you think this will hurt her if you wait until you two get more involved it's going to hurt her and you more later on. If she wants to work things out with her husband then their must be love still there. Trust me, she doesn't tell you everything about their relationship.
norajane Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 Her husband is a very jealous person, and does not believe that a man and a woman can be just friends. This of course makes me feel very guilty about possibly getting her into trouble with him, as well as the fact that it is disrespectful to him, when i know it will bother him. I know that we are going to be only friends. Yes I hope for more in the future, Her husband has good reason to be jealous. You aren't just her friend. You want more. In fact, you would rejoice if she were to end her marriage. You are exactly the kind of guy her husband SHOULD be concerned about. When you say you are ok with being just friends, you are saying that you wouldn't make this relationship a physical one. You are glossing over the fact that an emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical one. Just because you don't have sex doesn't mean you are 'just friends' and it doesn't mean you aren't messing around with someone else's wife. Back away now. Yes, she may feel bad about losing her confidante, but all of you will be better off in the long run.
zarathustra Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 Hello all! I need some advice on a situation I have found myself in. I hope someone can shed some light on this. I am currently going through a divorce. I have become very close friends with a maried woman. She is not happily married. I have actually fallen very deeply in love with this woman . She is everything I have ever wanted or needed in another person. I know she cares for me very much, but I have no idea if it more than friendship for her. She is trying to make things work with her husband, and I do my very best to give advice from a mans perspective to help her make things better. Due to my feelings, it hurts to do this, but I am in no way willing to do anything to come between their marriage. I have way to much respect for her and for myself to do that. Her husband is a very jealous person, and does not believe that a man and a woman can be just friends. This of course makes me feel very guilty about possibly getting her into trouble with him, as well as the fact that it is disrespectful to him, when i know it will bother him. I know that we are going to be only friends. Yes I hope for more in the future, but I know if it never goes further, then I am still blessed with the best friend I have ever had in my life, and I can be happy with that. I would never push her to more, no matter what the situation. But the question I have, I guess, is should I back away from being such close friends with her due to how it could affect her and her marriage, or should I let her make that determination? It would hurt very much to back away, but I want to do the morally correct thing. A mutual friend has told me that I cant back away from her without seriously hurting her at this point. What should I do? Thanks in advance for your advice. I wish my xMM had the wisdom and love enough for me to have stayed away from me when I was in the process of separating from my H. I have never had a friend that I connected so well with and I mourn the loss of that friendship daily. I hope that you will remember the memories of your friendship fondly, but step away for now so that she can really have a go at her marriage. Life is complicated enough as it is without having to deal with two different relationships. Tell her that you think that out of respect for her H that you two should probably not talk anymore and that she needs to work on her M. She can continue a friendship with you when she is available.
onegodandi Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 If you are really in love with her and want to let her TRY to work things out you need to not only just back off but sever all contact with her until she commits to her husband or divorces and even then if she commits to her marriage you're better off staying away. You can't be close friends with a married woman, it always ends up wrong and YOU will be the one to get hurt. Just tell her how hard it is to back away and that you're doing it because you love her and tell her at some future time that your paths will cross again if it's meant to be. A hell of a lot easier said than done though. I know.
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