Thompy Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 My g/f and I of about 3 years split up about a month ago. Reasons given at first: wanted to find herself, scared about moving in together, needed time to think. Afterwards the reasons changed, in about 3 days, too: I don't love you anymore, I was in denial, etc. I find myself looking back on all the times I was hatefull, or lets say, not how I should be towards her. I tend to blame this whole thing on myself. Now we had dissagreements, but everytime, no matter how bad they were, we always worked them out and made up within 2 hours. I'm also not saying that whenever we faught it was my fault, I just tend to think this way. By nature, I'm a very passive person, but we butted heads quite often. We're both very stubborn. If we faught, it was over trivial things and the only reason was because we just wanted to have the last word. I'm regretting ever acting like I did. It kills me as well, to know that she has forgotten everything in 3 years in less than a month. She never falters, never is upset. I hurt everyday, think about it as soon as I wake up, and its the last thing I think about when I go to bed. Like I said, I feel like it is my fault. Anybody in the same boat, or had a similar situation? All this happend so quick, 'I wanna break...' 'Ok, take your time...' Within 3 days she's bolted. I'm starting to wonder is she's just trying to hide feelings, as I'm trying to do the same thing. Acting alright, getting out with friends, meeting new people is the norm. We'll still chat every once in awhile, if she initiates the convo. She's called a few times, and sent emails and so on and so forth. Everytime though, just to chat, how are you, what are you doing this evening, etc. I know time, and patience will eventually heal anything, but I find myself living in the past more than I'm living in the present/and or future. Suggestions?
Author Thompy Posted June 1, 2006 Author Posted June 1, 2006 I'd like to add one more thing, that really is on my mind. It might help others, as it is what is "getting the ball" rolling with my healing. As you all know, life is more than a mere struggle, its a hardship most of the time that is. One thing to remember is. Aristotle the great philosopher mentions this, "young men/women cannot have "true" friends." Reasons being, they lack wisdom when it comes to having a good friendship. A true friend/companion does not "use" you as a mean, but more as an end. Adolescent men/women mainly have friends for one of many things. For any reason, their "friends" offer them what they desire. What they desire could be anything from money, time, companionship, pleasure, attention. This is where most adolescent friendships begin, because they find that that one person can offer them one or more of those things. This is "using" a friend as a mean, to get what you want, at that point in time, in the present. A true friend/companion see's you as an end. They treat you right, not because they want something from you, but because it is the right thing to do. They are wise, and prudent (prudent as in they deliberate about a situation, and act virtuously because it is the right thing to do, not because there will be some sort of "reward") Now I'm not bashing anyone on here, by any means. This is my opinion, not those expressed by LS, or anyone who is a member here. To me, my current situation is that... my ex (we are both younger, 20) saw me as an excape from our town, as we were going to move in together, and someone who could giver her attention, time, companionship, and pleasure. Now, I grew upon her. I love her dearly, with every beat of my heart, it pumped not only blood through my veins, but love for her. I didn't love her, because she gave me these things. I love her, for who she is, not for what she has to offer me. Now I find that, even though, she told me she felt the same way that she only saw me as a mean, not an end. Now it is hard to think this way, espically if you have just went through a break up because you will still be "stuck" on the relationship and how you precieved your partner. I applogize for this being so long... lol.... and I hope I did the best I could in explaining this to its fullest extent. There is MANY more factors in friendship according to Aristotle, but I found this to be a good example of many relationships between younger people. I might be a little off as well, as I'm going off complete memorization. If I think of anything else, I'll post. I'm hoping by conversing about this, in this way, a more logical approach I can justify why she left, and why I should move on. On top of that, I'm hoping that someone else will read this, and take a good look at their broken relationship. If they look at their broken relationship in this way, they might be less likely to get back into a bad one again, or jump into their old one that won't last and be broken hearted again.
patwheel Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 Sorry to hear your story. Similar to mine. Quarter-life crisis? Wanting to find yourself? Those are the usual bs that youll hear from either partner who are not happy in the relationship, and trying not to put the blame on you. And then comes the "I dont love you", and yes, it hurts, but think about it; would you like to be with someone who doubts her feelings towards you? it seems to me that she is a young girl, kinda like my ex (25), who does not know what she really wants and wants to experience. She and I are not in contact anymore, better this way, and she blamed me for everything. At first I was angry, hurt, but soon after realized that if she wants to blame everything on me, she is not worth my time, since we are both responsible for the death of our relationship. My suggestions to you is keep doing what you are doing, go out, have fun, summer is here. Try not to contact her, since it will only open up the wounds again. Trust me, its not only easier this way, but you will see your life in a whole different way.
Chump64 Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 You sound young and intelligent. I can't really tell if you are looking for advice, but if I were you, I would spend some time dating around and sowing your oats. There is no hurry to settle in. It's good that you've seen this side of her before you two made a serious commitment like marriage. . I would also suggest that you really try to limit contact with her. Get caller ID and don't take her calls.
Author Thompy Posted June 3, 2006 Author Posted June 3, 2006 We're not hostile to each other by far. Actually I just got done talking to her for about an hour or so. We still stay in contact, and yeah it hurts, but I'm not gonna let something like this run my life. If she wants to talk, then so be it. Sooner or later, she's gonna hate it. As for advice, yeah I'll take it if you guys can dish it out. Don't beat around the bush either. I'd rather it be bluntly stated, not sprinkled with sugar. I don't wanna hate her, or grow to hate her. I guess its just me living in the past. She's old enough to do what she wants to do... not with me, so be it. It's good though, to get some feedback from someone else. She was my best friend, so if I had a problem or anything I went to her. I don't have anyone like that anymore, so its good to hear from other people, espically if they've went though the same thing(s) I have.
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