Guest Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 Hi I have a question about my husbands "friend". This friend became a friend when my husband opened his store she is an owner of the store next door (strip mall). My husband has repeatedly lied to me about talking on the cell phone to her. He tells me when he goes to her store which is many times a day I know my husband doesn't tell me each time he goes in there. When I ask him if he talked to her on the phone he gets very defensive. I don't think that they are having a PA. Like last night my H had called her and I checked his phone records and seen that they had talk for only 3minutes he lied to me and said that he hasn't talked to her. Then he got really mad and said why does the conversation always involve her and he only wants to talk about us. He doesn't know that I check his records. About 1 1/2months ago he told me that he would stop talking to her on the phone, but never actually admitting to talking to her when I asked casually. I noticed that he has talked to her 2x's in 4 days again. Does this sound like an EA? Any advise would be greatly appreciated and maybe what I should do. When I ask him questions he gets really defensive so I don't want to rock the boat. Thanks Sorry it is long!!
jonesgirly Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 I dunno, guest.....sounds like somethin's fishy if nothing else. #1 - you know he's lied to you about calling her. #2 - he's defensive in his denial of contact with her. There must be something there, if you're feeling this way. My advice? Talk to him about your feelings, tell him you'd feel betrayed if he were to be having an EA (men sometimes don't actually 'get' this - they think they're innocent because they haven't boinked the other woman). Ask him how he'd feel if you had a close male friend that you talked with and visited, and then lied to him about it. Make sure the lines of communication regarding this are "clear", and then watch/observe/be aware. See if things change, but if they don't, stop accusing him and go 'stealth mode'. I REALLY wish I'd had the clear-headedness to do this when I first found out my H had an EA with a coworker, but I was too dumbstruck. If I had to do it over again, I'd go 'stealth mode' and collect ENOUGH concrete evidence so that he COULDN'T call me crazy and deny everything that was so obvious to the rest of the world. (that would include cellphone records, emails, etc.). ALWAYS expect the best, but be aware of the 'worst'.
Chump64 Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 I am a cynic, and with good reason, but you should be very, very suspicious. My best advice: 1) Buy the book "Not Just Friends" as fast as you can (author is Shirley Glass -- I think you can only get it at Amazon). 2) Do your own "investigating." You can PM me for tips if you want. I've posted investigating tips repeatedly here. So often that I'm sure people get tired of it. You can search for my posts to find them if you are interested. Do you find that he never talks about her or mentions her name to you? (red flag) You said he gets defensive when you bring her up? (red flag) How did this all start / how did you first become suspicious? Stop asking questions and start snooping. Act like everything is A-OK, right as rain. Then do what you need to do to find out if he's being honest with you. My husband carried on a long term affair that went on almost solely during the work day. A lot can happen during the daylight hours when your spouse thinks you are slaving away.
Guest Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 Thanks for all of your advice!! Last Aug my H came home early from work and was outside mowing the yard and I went out to talk to him and I heard his cell phone ringing in the car, so I checked to see who it was and it was her. I just ignored the call and didn't tell him. She was on vacation and I figured that she was calling to ask him something about her store. About a 1/2 hour later I heard my husband jump in his car and take off which he hardly does without telling me where he is going. When he came back I asked him if he had talked to OW and he told me no I said I thought that maybe she would call and check in with her store and make sure her employees weren't having trouble(I gave him an out!) I went out and checked his phone and sure enough he had called her!! I did confront him then and said that I had proof that he talked to her and told him not to lie to me. I told him that I don't think that she should be calling my husband if she has so many friends. He says why would he ruin what he has for her and she is high maintance! I did find out that she broke up her husband's first marriage. I can't seem to get him to see my side and I do agree that he thinks that he is not having an affair because he didn't "boink" her. Lately we been having the trouble when he says that he told me something and he didn't. I think that he told her and thought that he told me. Lately he doesn't say anything about her anymore and at night when I come home from work he is quiet and doesn't have much to say, I think that he doesn't want to talk much for fear of saying her name. I will start investigating more and "try" to keep quiet it is so hard to not say something.
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