lilly126 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Forgive me, for this might be long-winded, but I really want honest opinions of people "outside the situation." I've heard everything I can take from my family and friends and honestly want the advice of people who don't know the story. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years this summer. Now, before you freak out, you must realize that we're high school sweethearts. We started dating (not seriously) when we were 16. We're 23 now. It was off and on for the first 3 years or so, but for the past 3 we've been very solid. We followed each other to college and been together through a lot. We've lost family members to passing away, we've been through our share of rough patches, but over all, we've been a great team. When graduation was over, he asked me to move in with him. So I did. I was very excited. We've been living together for nearly a year. The time is coming for us to have to move again and we're trying to figure out what to do. I, of course, want to continue in this relationship. For as hard as it gets, I love him very much. It goes without saying that I can't imagine my life without him. We talk about marriage all the time, and I've even gone as far as to ask him, "Why haven't we taken the next step? I can't be your 'girlfriend' forever." He says he will, but I don't feel that it's fair for him to string me along. I hate not having 100% faith in our relationship, but it's tough. I don't want to sign a new lease with him somewhere without knowing where this is going. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't understand why if I'm his "best friend" and "the best thing that's ever happened" to him (as he has said before) that he hasn't asked me to marry him??? It's causing a rift in our relationship, and no matter how hard I try not to bring it up, I manage to...and it makes him angry. Should I have faith and see what happens? Or do I have a legitimate reason to feel strung along?
RealBroken Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 U cant push him,.... he'll pull away. All you can do is make a decision........ or wait i think.
silentcharon Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 Forgive me, for this might be long-winded, but I really want honest opinions of people "outside the situation." I've heard everything I can take from my family and friends and honestly want the advice of people who don't know the story. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years this summer. Now, before you freak out, you must realize that we're high school sweethearts. We started dating (not seriously) when we were 16. We're 23 now. It was off and on for the first 3 years or so, but for the past 3 we've been very solid. We followed each other to college and been together through a lot. We've lost family members to passing away, we've been through our share of rough patches, but over all, we've been a great team. When graduation was over, he asked me to move in with him. So I did. I was very excited. We've been living together for nearly a year. The time is coming for us to have to move again and we're trying to figure out what to do. I, of course, want to continue in this relationship. For as hard as it gets, I love him very much. It goes without saying that I can't imagine my life without him. We talk about marriage all the time, and I've even gone as far as to ask him, "Why haven't we taken the next step? I can't be your 'girlfriend' forever." He says he will, but I don't feel that it's fair for him to string me along. I hate not having 100% faith in our relationship, but it's tough. I don't want to sign a new lease with him somewhere without knowing where this is going. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't understand why if I'm his "best friend" and "the best thing that's ever happened" to him (as he has said before) that he hasn't asked me to marry him??? It's causing a rift in our relationship, and no matter how hard I try not to bring it up, I manage to...and it makes him angry. Should I have faith and see what happens? Or do I have a legitimate reason to feel strung along? Is marriage that important to you? is it important enough risking pushing him and ruining a otherwise great relationship? I was with my ex for 7 years as well, same story as yourself, except that we didn't talk about marriage. We both were content on being together. Sure, I had some thoughts about it, but I would tell myself that I'm still young and I have plenty of time. Marriage wasn't that important to me, as long as I had his heart, it was good enough for me. Have faith, but make it clear that you want to get married someday, and make sure you want to marry him for the right reasons. Perhaps he feels that he just wants to take it a step at a time, even though he's been with you for a long time. Have faith and just enjoy what you have for now
waitingforlove Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 Hey, you don't want to lose him by pushing him on the idea of marriage, right? Basically, that's what happened in my relationship with my ex. We talked about marriage a lot but he wouldn't make the move. I told him that I only needed to know that he had the intention to eventually marry me, even if he was not ready at that point, but even that -- he took it the wrong way, thinking that I was forcing him to get married. So eventually he made up some excuses like he was "tired" and left me. Now I look back and there are times when I wish I had not said a word about getting married so that he would have stayed .... although I have to admit that there are also times when I think to myself, "well, if he was commitment-phobic, I should feel lucky that he let me off the hook by dumping me," because I want to get married eventually too. I am not sure I want to wait and wait and wait if there's "no guarantee" that this guy even wants to get married at all. So I guess if you're sure your boyfriend wants to get married eventually, and you think he's worth it, then PLEASE wait!! He'll propose eventually. Don't push him away. On the other hand, if you're not sure if he is that committed to you, then .... um, as a girl, I would say, still protect yourself. I don't want to think that way, but it seems that these days, there are a lot of guys out there who are afraid of commitment and just won't take that step. My ex included; he always said he wanted to marry me some day, even less than two weeks before he broke up with me, he was still saying that. But just because they say they are not afraid of commitment doesn't mean that they really aren't. Maybe let yourself date other people also and see if there's potentially someone out there who really wants what you want -- a "real" future. If your boyfriend is scared of losing you to another guy, he would propose to you before you officially dump him. If he doesn't care that you date other guys, maybe he's actually relieved that you are letting him off the hook by leaving him yourself so that he doesn't have to think about marrying you anymore .... Sorry if you don't agree, ... that's just my little thoughts ...
Guest Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 Thank you all for your replies. I honestly appreciate it. You all have very great points. RealBroken, you are right. I don't want to push him away. That's why I came to the board. I was wondering just how much I should say to him about it, without having him feel that I am pushing it on him. SilentCharon, I am not saying that I am wanting to get married now. The issue for me at hand is the potential (or the lack thereof) of having a real committment. I don't want to make myself readily available to him to the point of him getting everything from me, without giving me this committment in return. I'm going to do what you said...have faith. I'm going to try to, at least. It's hard. Waiting for love, thank you. I guess that is what I wanted to hear all along. That there's a possibility...that he's just wanting to do it on his own time. Thank you all for your replies! It means so much to me to get the opinions of people "outside of the situation". You all have kind words.
norajane Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 Tell him that you love him, and you will happily be his girlfriend, but would like to get a place of your own since you're not getting married any time soon. Tell him living together with him is wonderful, but you're not comfortable with that arrangement since you aren't married. Tell him he can take all the time he likes - no rush - but you want to make a life for yourself in case he doesn't want to get married in the future.
BeHappy Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 i went out with my x for a little over 10 years. i am currently 29 years old. I wanted to have a baby. I told him that i want to get marry and start a family. But he always tell me that it is not a good time. It is never a good time. Enough is enough. I asked and cried but he said soon. In the end, he broke up with me in March 06. If i know this sooner, i would have ended it a couple of years ago. Give a certain amount of time. If he does not ask you to marry him, he will never will. Give Up on him.
Guest Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 I dated a guy for 7 & 1/2 years. He repeatedly said he is not going to marry me, and doesn't love me the way I'm looking for. In fact, he often let me down and neglected me. After the 7 and 1/2 years, he decided to propose to me, and we got married. But my feelings of neglect didn't go away. Now we are breaking up. I am only writing this because if there is any way that you are feeling bad in this relationship, or something doesn't seem right, it probably isn't and will not improve with marriage. If that's not the case, then just hang in there.
Guest Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 Forgive me, for this might be long-winded, but I really want honest opinions of people "outside the situation." I've heard everything I can take from my family and friends and honestly want the advice of people who don't know the story. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years this summer. Now, before you freak out, you must realize that we're high school sweethearts. We started dating (not seriously) when we were 16. We're 23 now. It was off and on for the first 3 years or so, but for the past 3 we've been very solid. We followed each other to college and been together through a lot. We've lost family members to passing away, we've been through our share of rough patches, but over all, we've been a great team. When graduation was over, he asked me to move in with him. So I did. I was very excited. We've been living together for nearly a year. The time is coming for us to have to move again and we're trying to figure out what to do. I, of course, want to continue in this relationship. For as hard as it gets, I love him very much. It goes without saying that I can't imagine my life without him. We talk about marriage all the time, and I've even gone as far as to ask him, "Why haven't we taken the next step? I can't be your 'girlfriend' forever." He says he will, but I don't feel that it's fair for him to string me along. I hate not having 100% faith in our relationship, but it's tough. I don't want to sign a new lease with him somewhere without knowing where this is going. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't understand why if I'm his "best friend" and "the best thing that's ever happened" to him (as he has said before) that he hasn't asked me to marry him??? It's causing a rift in our relationship, and no matter how hard I try not to bring it up, I manage to...and it makes him angry. Should I have faith and see what happens? Or do I have a legitimate reason to feel strung along? Allow me to speak form the guy end of a situation not too distant from your own. He is young. Girls mature much faster than guys in relationships. Most guys need stability before they are confident to offer it to their significant other. At the same time, living with a girl is a storng commitment to a guy. It alsmost feels like marriage, where marriage was just the symbolic event clsoing the deal. Be understanding of how he feels. I mean TRULY take the time to think "how is HIS brain processing this information"? Also, pressure doesn't help; a) It pushes him away b) It makes him less wanting marriage because he realizes the happiness it will bring oyu and he wants you to be surprised (ie excited). Come on, you know guys are all baout the show Also, if you are feeling steered off path by other external sources be strong. Have faith in what you share. It's a trap to believe that you need to make sure, that will only hurt him. I also think that moving in together without living alone and learning personal reponsbility might have adverse effects. If that time comes, a little time apart while seeing other doesn't hurt at all. Keep him close, but be patient and give him the time to grow up. If he loves you he is most definitely not going to forget about you.
Recommended Posts