JustHowImBuilt Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 I'm a 25 year old male from the Midwest, and this is my first post. I need some help... I usually don't talk online, but I met this girl online. I found out that she is married, so I assumed she was a "safe" person to talk to. She is the sweetest, most wonderful person I've ever met. She was online all the time, so I started being online all the time to see her. We would have the most fun time together, and I quickly developed feelings for her. Her husband was really mean to her, and she was very lonely. I struggled a lot with these feelings because I never imagined falling in love with a married woman. But I ended up telling her how I felt, not expecting anything from it. Only that I had to tell her. She told me she loved me too. I still didnt expect anything, but just to be good friends. We became very "couply", and began talking on the phone and she started talking about us being together. She was planning to get a divorce and for us to get married. A couple of months later she felt convicted and chose to stay with her husband. It hurt, but I understood and told her that I should not talk to her then. However, she contacted me and said she couldn't let me go and couldn't be without me in her life. I couldn't deal being apart either. So now we're in this pseudo state of her being married, and us being in love, where we can't be together unless he leaves her or cheats on her. I understand that what we have is an emotioinal affair, but she refuses to see it as an affair. We spend all day talking to each other either online or on the phone. We tell each other everything. And she's not going to tell her husband about me. I'm actually a pretty outgoing person, but I don't do anything with people anymore and all my waking moments are with her online or on the phone with her. I'm sappy, mooshy, and a hopeless romanitic, and love her like i've never loved anyone else. I've asked her to define us and where we're headed, but she doesn't know. And I'm just frustrated at not being able to be with her. She knows it too and so wishes we could be together. I've tried to call it quits many times... but my heart won't let me do it. What do I do?
rossm Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Well, first off, you are definately having an EA. I couldn't tell for sure from your post, but have you ever actually met her? How long has the EA been going on? It seems strange that you or her would be considering marriage if you haven't even met in person. She is telling you that she wants a D, but at the same time, she is dragging her feet and keeping your relationship hidden. That sounds like she is not yet committed to leaving. Still on the fence. If you really want to be with her, the best thing that you can do is step back and wait until she is divorced. Because until she is, you will be stuck being the OM, which will put you (and her) on an emotional rollercoaster that will ultimately crash. You probably should consider going NC and tell her to call you back when she's divorced. Right now, she can have both you and her H, which doesn't provide too much incentive to leave. If you go away, she'll have to make a choice.
rossm Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Thanks. Well, you live through it, you listen to others... Eventually you start talking sense. I'm still not sure about these bunnies though .
movinon05 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Thanks. Well, you live through it, you listen to others... Eventually you start talking sense. I'm still not sure about these bunnies though . :lmao: I could barely answer the phone at work just now reading this!! lol!
zarathustra Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Thanks. Well, you live through it, you listen to others... Eventually you start talking sense. I'm still not sure about these bunnies though :bunny: . Not the bunnies... please!! My eyes!!! Ross you gave some sound advice... I knew from the first time I heard from you that you had a good head on your shoulders! JHIB, I think that you should be grateful that it stopped with the EA and didn't get to the point of being physical. It is so hard to love someone and not be able to be with him/her. Its harder to see him/her each day and wish that things were so different that you can be together. This too will pass. It won't be easy... its never easy, but you will come out of this with more wisdom on your side. Small consolation for the pain, but at least there's some good that came out of it. If you are like the rest of us, you may come out of this forum with a few new lifelong friends.
movinon05 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 But he hasn't "stopped" anything yet! (The bunnies are blinding you:bunny: :bunny: ) I'll wait til he answers Ross' questions, because JHIB, you don't sound like you're ready yet.
zarathustra Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 But he hasn't "stopped" anything yet! (The bunnies are blinding you:bunny: :bunny: ) I'll wait til he answers Ross' questions, because JHIB, you don't sound like you're ready yet. ACK!!! Take this.... :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:
Recommended Posts