Life.

[silentcharon]

Hi, all.

 

Again, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this. I just wanted to get it all out on the table, so please bear with me. There are several things I

am going through right now, and life is about to get very difficult for me.

 

My main "problem", for the last few months was my ex, and as of this morning, he is the least of my worries.

 

For the last year or so, I've been having dizziness spells (attacks, or however you want to call it) where it would hit me out of the blue for no apparent reason. At first the spells were very mild, but for the last month or so, the spells have gotten more frequent and worse to the point where I can't see

straight or walk, it has gotten more physically disabling when it does happen. The reason why I didn't go to the doctor when it started happening was because I always chalked it up to being anemic or due to my hearing loss (people with hearing losses sometimes have difficulty with balance, etc.). But because the spells have gotten worse, I am afraid of

how the next one is going to be like, and the circumstances I am under

when I have the next one (driving, for example, is very frightening for me.), I finally decided to go to the doctor.

 

I went for a series of routine tests, blood work, etc, you name it, then they finally told me to go for a mri.

 

This morning, they told me I have multiple sclerosis.

 

Now, I am having difficulty processing this information- considering the other sort of stresses I am going through right now. I recently broke up with my ex in february, and I just got accepted to go to college. I am haggling with the banks to give me student loans so I can afford to go to school, on my own. I'm struggling to afford to live on my own (I lived with my ex for four years) and I'm struggling to do the things I want.

 

Right now they are trying to figure out the type of ms I have, though they said something about catching it early, so it's good, I'm able to get some treatment to deal with the symptoms early on. They suspect I may have secondary progressive (the worst kind of ms, from what i've been told, each ms attack you have, you don't return to how well you were prior to the attack, it's all downhill from there.)

 

I'm so relieved that I have a name for what I'm going through with my body, but at the same time, I feel so betrayed by everything, my own body included. I have been seeing a counsellor (I started seeing one since we broke up) and I plan on continuing to. I thought about ending our sessions because I was getting better, I felt better about myself, but now with this, I'm devastated. I'm only 22, you know?

 

I honestly can say I don't care about my ex now, I mean, I still love him and everything, but I no longer wonder if he's going to come back. I'm not going to waste what time I may have left in this world on someone else who may not come back at all. He will always have a piece of my heart, as I know he will always have his piece of my heart, and I will leave it at that. It's been quite a rude awakening for me, and I can see that the road ahead of me will be very hard.

 

Yeah, I've been dealt with some s***ty cards in the poker game called Life, but, damn it, I am going to make the most out of what cards I have. Only I can decide what I want to do with my cards, as you all do with your cards.

I just wanted to write about it, I am trying to come to terms with my disease and everything in my life right now. I haven't told my family and friends yet, I'm waiting to confirm everything before I say anything.

 

I guess, I'm trying to say that I've realized that little things don't matter most of the time- even if they do, I have to try to look past them and see the bigger picture, that just became one of my goals.

 

I don't expect replies, I just wanted to write.

 

Thanks for listening,

 

Silent

 

ps if you read my previous thread (birthday gift?), I painted a beautiful picture to give to my ex for his birthday. A tent in front of a fire lies in the midst of trees by a lake- just after the sun has set. The sky is painted in ultramarine blue, and the light from the sun has been tinted faintly with sienna brown. The trees have been painted either in paynes grey, (a dark gray with a blue tint) or black, for contrast. The light from the fire illuminates the tent and some of the trees, it is a very lovely picture. My ex thanked me, and told me it meant a lot to him. That's all I wanted, and I had a lot of fun on the camping trip I went with him and our friends, by the way

[milokins]

Thanks for your post. It really helps to put things into perspective.

[Pantero]

Sorry to hear about this.

 

Please don't give up and keep fighting. Things can only improve from here.

[silentcharon]

Thanks for the encouraging words, I suspect I will go through some times where I will doubt myself but I won't give up. It isn't the end, it's only the beginning. I feel like I will be taking more advantage of things in life now, and not take them for granted anymore. I don't claim to be a changed person, not yet anyway. I'm just sorry it had to take something like this to happen for me to realize that it isn't worth taking things for granted. Go out for a bike ride when it's beautiful outside, or enjoy a good book by the fire when it's raining outside. Smile more often, and don't ever hesitate to tell someone nice things that will make them smile. Carpe Diem!

[GB111]

So sorry to hear this, Silent. It's really true. So many don't realize what they have until they are struck with a crisis. It is a beautiful life. Unfortunately, we all have to go through some difficult times, but that's part of being a human being. In the end, you need to find a way to make yourself happy instead of relying on anyone else.

 

Wishing you the very best as you embark on this new challenge. You are in my prayers.

 

Best,

 

GB

[silentcharon]

So sorry to hear this, Silent. It's really true. So many don't realize what they have until they are struck with a crisis. It is a beautiful life. Unfortunately, we all have to go through some difficult times, but that's part of being a human being. In the end, you need to find a way to make yourself happy instead of relying on anyone else.

 

Wishing you the very best as you embark on this new challenge. You are in my prayers.

 

Best,

 

GB

 

I know. Thank you for your prayers!

[destination_unknown]

Hi SC,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I hope you arent too physically ill. Fair play to ya for having such a good attitude and staying so strong. I hope you get those loans and have a great time when you start school again. Thoughts are with you.

[KittenMoon]

SC-

 

Did you say you were deaf? Where do you go to school?

[silentcharon]

SC-

 

Did you say you were deaf? Where do you go to school?

 

Yes, I'm deaf. I'm due to attend ACAD (alberta college of art/design) this september, which is why I'm haggling with the banks to give me loans to cover the costs of tuition as well as the goverment to cover the costs of

my interpreters. I require american sign language interpreters to translate my teachers' presentations and assist me in communciating with my peers. Hope this answers your question

 

Hi SC,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I hope you arent too physically ill. Fair play to ya for having such a good attitude and staying so strong. I hope you get those loans and have a great time when you start school again. Thoughts are with you.

 

I'm not too ill yet, but supposedly I can take some medications to slow down any new symptoms I may have in the future. As for the loans, so do I- it costs a fortune to hire the interpreters alone, so I'm mostly counting

on the money from the goverment. If I'm not granted the money I need, I won't go, even if I have money for tuition, etc. My fingers are crossed!

[destination_unknown]

Im in a different country but the university i attended always organized assistants for people who needed lectures transcribed or other types of assistance to get the full value of their lecures, maybe there is some kind of program like this at the college you are going to or at least be able to point you in the direction of funding agencies?

 

What about software, is there a fairly decent voice recognition program that would get the majority of the lectures? Or lecturers give you a transcript.

 

I had a deaf student one semester and she basically sat up the front and we always made sure not to turn our back to the class, she took some notes in lectures and then borrowed classmates. I dont think she had major problems.

 

ok, im just thinking you probably checked all this stuff out already, but I may as well post anyway

 

Glad the symtoms are not too bad now.

[silentcharon]

Im in a different country but the university i attended always organized assistants for people who needed lectures transcribed or other types of assistance to get the full value of their lecures, maybe there is some kind of program like this at the college you are going to or at least be able to point you in the direction of funding agencies?

 

What about software, is there a fairly decent voice recognition program that would get the majority of the lectures? Or lecturers give you a transcript.

 

I had a deaf student one semester and she basically sat up the front and we always made sure not to turn our back to the class, she took some notes in lectures and then borrowed classmates. I dont think she had major problems.

 

ok, im just thinking you probably checked all this stuff out already, but I may as well post anyway

 

Glad the symtoms are not too bad now.

 

Hm, I haven't checked out software. There is something similiar to that, except that it's called a typist recorder something like that, you hire someone to type down everything that is being said. Kinda like they do in courts and stuff. The only disadvantage of this is that I won't be able to commuciate through the typist, nor the software, and this is important for me. I want to be able to ask questions and things like that, so I prefer an interpreter. I think it's a matter of preference.

 

For notes, I usually write down what I can, or borrow someone's notes, or ask for the materials used in the presentation so I can make my own notes at home and return it later. There are a lot of ways people can take advantage of things like that, whether they are disabled or not

 

Yes, there is a program there at my college- though my college won't fund anything directly, the coordinators' jobs are to direct me through the funding process for interpreters and arrange for accomodations for me. The paperwork is insane though, and I have to take tests to prove my need for an interpreter, it's almost retarded. It is the taxpayers' money after all, so I don't mind, hah.

[KittenMoon]

Yes, I'm deaf. I'm due to attend ACAD (alberta college of art/design) this september, which is why I'm haggling with the banks to give me loans to cover the costs of tuition as well as the goverment to cover the costs of my interpreters. I require american sign language interpreters to translate my teachers' presentations and assist me in communciating with my peers. Hope this answers your question

 

Oh, ok. Just curious. I went to a university that had a major school for the deaf. There was a college for the deaf, as well as deaf students in most of the mainstream colleges and programs. I did art/design as well, and had deaf students in almost all my classes, so I was very used to having interpreters present. I even did note-taking for deaf students as a job for over a year. (paid for by the university)

 

Anyways- almost all the deaf students got major tuition breaks from the gov't- I'm surprised you have to go through so much trouble for money. But then again, we had a huge deaf population as well.

[daphne]

Silent,

 

Thanks for reminding me not to take things for granted. It's so easy to assume that when we don't get what we want that life isn't good. But despite the ugliness, there is much beauty.

 

I wish you all the best in your recovery. I hope I can have your good attitude about life.

[daphne]

Silent,

 

Please take a look at this link. This woman has supposedly used diet to heal her ms. Since diet's important to a lot of things it might be worthwhile to read.

 

http://www.annboroch.com/candida.htm

[silentcharon]

Silent,

 

Please take a look at this link. This woman has supposedly used diet to heal her ms. Since diet's important to a lot of things it might be worthwhile to read.

 

http://www.annboroch.com/candida.htm

 

Thanks for the link, the doctors did say that diet was one of the important things for me right now. It's still too early for them to read the patterns for my disease, so right now I am working on my diet. I don't believe the disease can be cured, but I can at least slow it down.

 

I have seen the disease first hand, so I can kind of expect what's coming my way, but then ms is different for everyone. Thanks anyhow!

[silentcharon]

Oh, ok. Just curious. I went to a university that had a major school for the deaf. There was a college for the deaf, as well as deaf students in most of the mainstream colleges and programs. I did art/design as well, and had deaf students in almost all my classes, so I was very used to having interpreters present. I even did note-taking for deaf students as a job for over a year. (paid for by the university)

 

Anyways- almost all the deaf students got major tuition breaks from the gov't- I'm surprised you have to go through so much trouble for money. But then again, we had a huge deaf population as well.

 

May I ask where that was? As for the tuition breaks, it really depends on where you live and which school you are attending. I am getting money from the gov't to help me with the interpreters, but other than that, I'm on my own. There is a grant I can apply for disabled people to help with living expenses and school, but it isn't much, it will help though