Guest Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 RealBroken, I personally don't see a problem sending her a quick email saying that you wish her a happy birthday. To me, it shows that you are friendly and that you can take the breakup in stride. I think it's probably been enough time. However, that being said, are YOU ok if she doesn't respond at all? That's the REAL question here. If you're fine with the possibility that she does NOT return your friendly gesture ... then I would send it. If you decide to send it, I would keep it very short and simple. And then I would leave her alone for a while. Maybe try to build a friendship over time if that is what you desire.
RealBroken Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 thanks guest. I'm not wanting to do the NC to push her out of my conciousness. I'm doing it to give her the space she asked for. i just want to keep the doors open. Of course I wld love her back, and nothing is gonna change that for a very long time. i guess what im saying is i am quite prepared to be just friends with her,.... with the possibility that this rekindles something we had in the future. i can handle that. i know its hard, but I wish to do it. If someone else comes along instead so let it be, I may just fall for them instead,.... who can tell. But looking back, what I had with this girl was very hard to find. I believe it failed simply because she was young and not ready to make up her mind to commit to someone so long term or deeply at such a young age.... it scared her. If she is still very much the same person in 1-2 years, I wld like to have another go. i only see this hapenin if there is a friendship developed over time. Thanks
Ms.N Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 If she is mature, then she will see it as a courteous, well intended gesture. Keep it simple. Then if she reads anything into it, it is exactly that - her choosing to read into it.
daphne Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Real, I think the fact that you're considering it this far in the future indicates a motivation that isn't pure. I still think it's a push. If I received a birthday wish from an ex that I wanted to give me space, I would consider it an attempt to see if I was still interested.
sirjay Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 I think you should send it but just keep it very brief and formal. A little mystery goes a long way. It would be good if she was happy it was sent, but not sure why.
RealBroken Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 an ex sent me a birthday present.. very unexpected once. (i broke up with her)...... i knew because it was an expensive gift she obviously stil liked me........ but i was touched. The next year I got just a text, again i was that extra bit joyful someone had gone to the effort. But hey I'm a guy........ are women different?
Guest Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 Realbroken, I don't see a problem with sending her a quick happy birthday email. But only if you are prepared that she may not reply back. You don't know how she will view your contact. Even your friendship could be viewed as too much at this point. You just have to be very patient with all of this. Always be friendly towards her and respect her feedback, if she gives any. If you don't want to give up then don't. Most important: hear what she is saying, respect her wishes, be positive and friendly. This goes a LONG way over time. Good luck. thanks guest. I'm not wanting to do the NC to push her out of my conciousness. I'm doing it to give her the space she asked for. i just want to keep the doors open. Of course I wld love her back, and nothing is gonna change that for a very long time. i guess what im saying is i am quite prepared to be just friends with her,.... with the possibility that this rekindles something we had in the future. i can handle that. i know its hard, but I wish to do it. If someone else comes along instead so let it be, I may just fall for them instead,.... who can tell. But looking back, what I had with this girl was very hard to find. I believe it failed simply because she was young and not ready to make up her mind to commit to someone so long term or deeply at such a young age.... it scared her. If she is still very much the same person in 1-2 years, I wld like to have another go. i only see this hapenin if there is a friendship developed over time. Thanks
Brittanyjean06 Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I agree with the " pet semetary theory " Well since people tell you, not to beg, plead or let them see you cry the only solution in to getting your ex back( thats if they want to) is to move on with your life! And maybe when you actually move on they will notice that not want that. I would never buy those stupid books, no effense to any one. Because those aren't really the books that help you, it really is if the ex wants to come back he will! If the person is no longer in love with you, and truely stands by what they say, than you will not get them back...ever, and no book or strageties will help with that. So eiather way you must move on!
mrniceguyclimber Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 First of all . I want to tell the original thread person , keep doing nc . it is the only way . real broken , if you follow your heart , you will send a card . but honestly she will see it as a try at getting her back . i called my girlfriend after 3 weeks of nc , because i never got a call back . she was sarcastic and started telling how great her new 3 week guy was . now it has been 2 weeks of nc and i will keep doing nc . i do not know , but it seems like the only way . they need to miss us . i say do not contact her . in my opinion . but do what you feel . it may make you feel better to do it . then do it . but it wont make her feel closer . i doubt it . ok , best luck , mrniceguyclimber
RealBroken Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 oh God its So HARD! to decide. It will be 3 months after the relationship. What do you think? I thought it might be long enough. I dunno, i still talk to my other ex's. She stil talks to her one before me. He'll definately text on her birthday....... whats the harm in me doing it. Please keep the advice coming. I just want her to realise hey we're stil on talkin terms if you want. Coz she kinda burnt the bridges a bit in the end. Just wanna show her its ok.
akashalestat Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 quote=daphne]True. But I was asked a different question. I think that in most cases the ex isn't worth the effort. They are usually an ex for a reason. There are, however, occasional exceptions to the rule. If anyone involved in dating thinks there are no mind games going on, they should be playing checkers. I used to think that if I just played it straight that the world would be fair and I would get what I needed. I have found that I'm way off. Whereas I don't engage in manipulative behavior that I find unethical that would intentionally hurt another person, I don't sit back and play the nice girl role anymore either. I myself am able to do the things I do because I'm not convinced at this point that the ex is what I need. Only time will tell.
RealBroken Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I wouldn't if i never wanted to see her again. Afraid thats not the case. We were close. Just wish i knew what went wrong. If she was still messed up after we broke up and wasnt 100% happy ie relieved with her decision..... i believe it happened for the wrong reasons. I know that her friends (flatmates) were a big manipulation to the break up ie 80%. She aint a strong person and i think it got very hard for her. But she's young, thats why i want the doors open, coz she wont always be. She's growin up fast, esp when she met me. The friends were jealous and dragged her down again. She cant be 21 for ever. i just want her in my life again one day and dont wanna ruin that. i dont think i can 'manipulate her back into my life through NC'..... but i would like us to be in touch. One day I'd like to be hangin out with her again. We come from a small town and are gonna bang into each other soon on a regular basis. I'd rather it wasn't awkward. i'd rather say hi and have a drink with her now and then when i run into her at bars etc. This is why the big question about "contact 3 months later on the birthday". Wanna stil be able to say hi.
RealBroken Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 I'm not one to rule someone out of my life for ever. I'm too sentimental. Im friends with all my girlfriends apart from one...... thats because she did something horrid and don't like her much. I respect this girl more than all the others through who she is and the great times we had. I can't rule her out altogether. So I guess im lookin for the next best option to creating limited contact from no contact.
Guest Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 ""The next thing you know, you will be involved in something else wonderful, and the memories of someone not worth remembering, will fade away."" This is so true......I have been out of my relationship for over a month or more now and even though I was not in LOVE with him....LIKED him very much...I missed him, worried over it, ponder the reason why since he did not talk to me directly but got the info secondhand etc suddenly without a clue....that hurt even more....but as time went on I got busy doing fun things....NC...not once..even though I wanted to lash out etc but after giving my emotions some time,. ...wrote a long letter to him twice but never sent it...it was GREAT THERAPY...got all my frustrations, anger out.......re-read it, re-did it several times and now know that I will never send it. I feel at this point that perhaps it was the best for me and IF he did call again I doubt that I would see him....he could do this to me again...no thanks....I have moved on and yes....the memories are begining to fade...I still have my pride and dignity in tact without doing something I might regret later...etc......I am not sure that I could even be friends with him at this point....for me and knowing myself .(.one learns alot about themselves during these life trials) but every situation is different...so...good luck in whatever you decide to do....
RealBroken Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I understanmd what ppl are saying. And its gonna take time to be friends and for us to be over all this. Yes i have alot to do in my life right now and need to succeed in doing that.... am doin it now! (: But inturn for us to be mates eventually i just wanna know if a birthday email or message is too much after 3 months of breakin up with NC. Will she think...... "oh god he still wants me" Or will she think "hey that was nice I guess, glad he's not angry at me" I know that i'd think the later, but i'm a guy..... are girls different. Ex's have wished me H.Birthday in the past and I was touched.
stronggirl Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I fall out of love with those who stop. I've been with enough a**h***s to know the grass is greener. you go girl. so true!
Guest Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 awwws. it`s okay sweetie, they say there are many fishes out in the sea, i`ve just been through one like this except he didn`t go out with any girls, but if you really believe that you both will have a chance again, hope might come to you. &if you still really love him you should tryna talk to him, not all the time, but once in a while to see what he`s up to now. just tryna make him fall back for you again. it may work or it may not, but hey at least your trying your best &i`m really hoping for you two to get back with each other. good luck hunns. take kares <3
spinnelli Posted July 7, 2006 Posted July 7, 2006 Realbroken, why are you so concerned about what she will think of you sending birthday wishes? Why is that so important to you? If you want to send a card, send a card, if you want to send a text, do it and give up all these shenanigans already. Seriously, all of this will so not matter any more in a few months. I look back and think of all the times I've made a fool of myself in past relationships, and yes I do see those exes now but honey, I'm so past that point in my life, I don't even care anymore. These same exes that I thought I would just die without back then, are the same ones I see today and you couldn't even pay me to date them. All I think is "God, what did I ever see in this person"?. And I don't say that out of malice, I say it out of genuine indifference. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference and you WILL get there one day. Life goes on, people move on, you forget, you experience new things, new people and you forget the old. That's just the way life works. My ex-boyfriend of 2 years who I thought at the time was my bestfriend in the whole world, we promised each other we'd always be bestfriends no matter what happens, we tried when we broke up but it's 3 years after our relationship now and we are just mere acquaintances. We drifted apart like most people do. We broke up and our lives went in different directions. He was just like you, didn't want to break off the relationship and tried all he could to keep us together. He swore he couldn't live without me blah blah blah. Guess what? he entered a new relationship 4 months after we broke up and he's still with the same girl 2 years later, he never looked back. Stop worrying, there is life after your ex.
Jadey Posted July 8, 2006 Posted July 8, 2006 No contact is the only way! Read through this foruma and other sites and you will see this. trust this advice, I wish I had known it. I have cut and paste this advice for you from another forum..... Very powerful Tips on getting your ex back O.K. Well I have probably seen all of the web sites and e-books on the Internet about getting back your ex for the past 11 months now... Let me tell you, I know what works and what doesn't work. I cannot give personal advice to individuals, because all of our stories are different. I am personally going through a breakup myself, and 11 months later, it is my turn to share some advice. I have learned a few powerful methods that WORK!! (You may print this posting for future references). I am sending you web sites with excellent e-books that you can download and will be easy for you to reverse your breakup and win back your ex. Please do not ask me to distribute copies to you. These are probably the most powerful plans I have seen so far. Am I back with my ex?? No...but the tides are slowly changing and we are on speaking terms again because I used these plans. You need to use a new kind of psychology and weird techniques that you've never heard of... Believe me, these professionals know what they are talking about...I don't garantee that they will work for all of you, but at least, it gives you something to work with... [COLOR=#0000ff]http://www.enotalone.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16105[/COLOR] (FREE) [COLOR=#0000ff]http://www.exback.com/[/COLOR] [COLOR=#800080]http://aboutyourbreakup.com/side.html[/COLOR] [COLOR=#800080]http://www.stopyourdivorce.com/[/COLOR] (best one in my opinion, but the most expensive...works even if you are NOT married...it works for ANY kind of relationship. [COLOR=#800080]http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relat...s/600207.shtml[/COLOR] (FREE advice) [COLOR=#800080]http://www.advicediva.com/ad/ebooks/gethimback.asp[/COLOR] [COLOR=#800080]http://couplescompany.com/Advice/TOM/Want.htm[/COLOR] Good luck Nice. Thanks for those.
MrPot Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 Lots of great advice, particularly from Daphne. I would recommend that you do not contact her on her birthday. She's expecting you to do it, and when you don't, she'll wonder what's going on with you and will think that you've changed, grown, and moved on. If you want her back, that's exactly what you want her to think.
Chinook Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 RealBroken: Here's the deal. My ex and I broke up two years ago. For the first year we remained friends (i.e. neither of us got over each other). We split for very complicated reasons that I won't go into. Anyhow, he started dating somoene else. In March he also made noises that he wanted US to reconcile. This absolutely tore me apart because he knew it was what I wanted. He never followed through but continued to email and tell me he loved me etc. My birthday was in April. From March I went completely NC. I didn't want him in my life. If he wanted me, he could damn well put the effort in and come and get me. He didn't. Then my birthday comes. He sent me an email saying he wasn't sure to send something but Happy Birthday. I had spent all day wondering whether he would send it. When it finally came, I felt crushed... why bother when he is with someone else..? The main feeling I was left with was "what a loser, I don't need him". I didn't reply. So... the moral of the story is, she will be expecting it... she will KNOW you will send it. If you do NOT send it you will NOT appear like a pr!ck etc... she will think you forgot. Then she will be seriously questioning why you are able to forget her so easily. That tailspin will start so fast that you won't blink. Then she will contact you to ask did you forget and you simply do not answer... this is the road to getting the girl back IF she's coming back.
sweetyetbitter Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 I'd go with continuing with the NC. It's a different issue if she initiated the contact. By the way, my birthday will be in the following month. What if my ex would send me an email or a message? Should I not reply and continue to ignore him? We're not together for 7 months already. I know he's with another girl already. I'm over him now.
thekhris Posted July 9, 2006 Posted July 9, 2006 The book is better than me at giving tips but I'll try. I think anyone can benefit from teh book. Although I was too weak to use it last time, it has shaped my behavior for this break up. I no longer make the mistake of thinking an ex was "the one". Until we're together 20 years, they're just an ex. During the break up, I stopped arguing for what I wanted. When I let go and let him win, he started to question his decision. This is mental jujitsu. I wished him well and agreed to be friends later on even though I had no intention of doing that. I followed this with total NC. I didn't want to see him or hear from him and wanted to move on with my life. I knew in a way I wanted him back but not unless it was fully on my terms. A couple of weeks later he texts me. I don't respond. Several weeks after that, he finds out where I'm hanging out and stops by. I ignore him. He comes and talks to me and I act like nothing happened. I was happy and I didn't have to fake it, but do fake it if necessary. He comes back the next week. He sees the new guy for the first time. He's jealous but playing it off very well. I can see that he's more attracted to me than he was when we were together (I'm no slouch). All because of one cute boy that doesn't even know my ex exists. We flirt a lot but at the end of the night I go home with cute boy. Ex looks very sad. In short: Agree to the break up. Be happy and content. No moping and emotional talk. Move on and immediately date others. There are certain break ups where this is hard. But you have to stop thinking you need someone and thinking they are "the one". This will paralyze you and I promise you won't get what you want that way. No contact. You can return calls but no initiation. ANd don't return all calls. Keep it short and don't talk about the relationship. When you act like you can live without them and you find a viable option (it has to be someone that is threatening to your ex) to move on, this often is the catalyst for someone coming back. I've seen it happen a million times. And a lot of the couples are married. It seems to work best on men as they appear to be territorial.exactly..this method save my ass a month ago...
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