tompilot Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Hi, i just found this site and there seems to be alot of good advice out there. Here's my story: I've been seperated from my wife since last February. We tried to make it work but decided it wasn't the best for either one of us. I knew for years that i wasn't really happy. We were together for 11 years and married for 5. I was really down for a while but finally got over the fact that my marriage ended. I started dating again in September, not looking for a relationship but then again knowing what I want and not wanting to waste anyones time. I went out on a few dates that didn't go any further. In October, I met this woman, who the moment that I met her i knew that I wanted to continue dating. She is also seperated, a bit further along in the process than I am. She decided to leave her husband of 10 years because he didn't want to have children.She's been seperated for about a year and a half. and dating for a few months. Otherwise, she says that they had a good marriage and that she loved being married to him but he wasn't able to give her a family that she really wanted,a deal breaker. In a nutshell, we fell in love with one another. We both swept each other off our feet. Everything about it was amazing.Great sex, great on a emotional level, we had a great time together. I'm a romantic who was showering her with attention and love. We spent the holidays together and share I love you's in January. I travel alot for work and in February I come home and she tells me that she is getting back with her ex husband. When it came time for him to sign the divorce papers he was delaying a bit and then he came crying to her saying that now he wants to have kids, he finally realized that it is what he wants. She fell for it and decided to get back with him. When she told me, I felt as if I was hit in head with a baseball bat, I never saw it coming. The next day, i decided to fight for her. I never felt this way about someone, including my ex wife. After a few days of very emotional conversations and me convincing her that I'm better for her, we got back together. She told me that I made her realize that there is more out there than what her ex had given her and that she never felt this way about anyone before. Everything is great right? So I thought. We profess immense love and feelings for one another. We plan and dream of the future together. At the end of March we go on vacation together which went well. In April she started a new job after being out of work 2 months(she was layed off due to a corporate downsizing, she was there for 14 years!) I was very supportive in her job search. We're spending nearly every day together @ her place. Everything is going good, we're in a groove. She's a worrier and I would try to ease her stress about her new job. She gave me a key to her house and I would be there when she would come home from work. We have our differences, like any couple does. She is more concerned about them than I am. I'm more of a laid back kind of guy and she is more of a worrier. In the beginning of May I was gone for work the first 2 weeks of the month seeing her every now and then. Two weeks ago she tells me that she thinks that she is not in love with me anymore, that she is still thinking of her ex. She has doubts about us and whether or not I can give her what she needs. She can't get over her ex and is questioning everything about our relationship. She has also done alot of comparing between us. We do have some differences, which i don't see as a problem but she does. so we basically break up. She says that she needs some space to figure things out.i've spoken with her everyday, written emails and texting each other. She says that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. She knows that I'm a great guy but isn't sure if I can give her what she needs. I can't sleep, eat, or funtion normally. i'm absolutely crazy about her and completely heartbroken. i thought that she was the "one".Now i don't know what to do, he is kinda back in the picture because he knows that we broke up. I'm just lost here. Help!
Blackdragon5095 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Then dump her ass and get a new girl. Their's tons of women out their. Get in the game.
tearful_soul22 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 When a woman says she needs space, she's just exercising her options. And since you're separated, then she is not ready to jump back in. I'm sorry this has happened to you but no relationship is ever that perfect. Take care of yourself and i wish you well....
Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 tell her to get lost and dont let her play mind games with you as you are no good at them babs
Diver012 Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I would drop it. It sucks. It hurts. She is confused and messed up right now too. Best thing you can do for yourself is to Let it go
Walk Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 A year and a half and they haven't signed the divorce papers yet? I know my divorce took a long time, but it was finalized in far less than a year. I think she's been playing you. Using you to get back at the hubby. Maybe not intentionally, but I guess it worked. I suppose it's human nature... if she didn't leave the hubby for any other reason than because she wanted kids, then there's always a reason to go back. If he treated her poorly, or she fell out of love with him, then I could see her moving forward... but basically she's been holding a waiting pattern for hubby to come around to accepting kids. Even if you did get her back, again. Its a losing battle. Until her past relationship (or marriage) is OVER and finalized, then a person can't move forward. She'll always keep a seperation between the two of you, always find reasons why you two aren't 100% perfect... because if you annoy her or don't give her enough, hubby will be waiting.. and if hubby won't give enough.. you'll be waiting. She needs to decide what she really wants, and stop dragging two men through her own mud. I'm sorry you got sucked into that. It's not fair to you. It might be better for you to cut this off with her. For one, it doesn't give her any more excuses to postpone dealing with her husband. Two, she'll have to decide once and for all if she wants to fix her marriage or really end it. and Three, protects your heart from being used any further by this woman. If she could produce a signed and sealed divorce decree later down the road, then maybe you two could start again. As it is now... end the relationship, and don't allow her to toy with your emotions (or her husbands) any longer.
Guest Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 It seems pretty clear to me that she has strong feelings for you. She might just be confused. The next time you see her, surprise her with a dozen red roses and some very expensive chocolates!
Guest Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Been there a year ago, you are the rebound guy! She probably cared for you, but not how you think. Remember she knew her husband inside and out, and probably was to afraid to start over again. She was selfish, and believe me you are lucky that it ended before you moved in together or made major purchases. My ex would always mention her husband in casual conversation, and I pretended not to notice it. That is the writing on the wall that I failed to notice because I thought that I was in love with her. However, now I know the person I loved never existed I had created the perception of what I thought she was in my head. Feel the pain, feel the truth, and allow yourself to be angry, hurt, and sad. The broken record quote: "It will all get better in time!"
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