Should I believe her indifference

[Angel007]

It has been about 1.5 years since i broke up with my ex i still care for her, and have found it difficult with the fact that she pretty much pretends i dont exist, we had a 3.5 year relationship before the breakup, i needed my space and i guess in retrospect i f***ed up.

Anyways I am still cool with her fam, she seems to not want to talk to me at all and avoids eye contact when we speak she tells me she is indifferent and has moved on a long time ago but it doesnt take a genius to see se is pissed @me. Ami I completely in lala land?

 

I asked her does she want me to do her her a favor and completely avoid being in her life at all, I said i feel she is a good person ad would still like to know her. This whole time she looked pissed staringstraight aead unable to look me in the eyes, aftyer all we had been through together is it crazy to believe she stil cares. I just want her to be happy part of me wants her to tell me to go to hell, because i dont think she has properly dealt with her anger towards me.

 

It sucks to feel as if im forcing her to disclose here thought she keeps them tightly guarded, i really still love this girl unconditionally, I just dont believe she doesnt care at all, I sense a facade. I know I can do nothing but move on at this point these thought keep me from getting close to anyone I feel pretty numb inside, nobody seems to meets my standards. So I am kinda okay not having her because i realized my love for her is not based on anything she gives me, it is something I gave freely and she wills always have.

 

I am fine most the time but when i o home from school I get nostalgc and sad, kinda fel like im crazy, so many memories here back at home. I just find it hard to believe she is indifferent no matter what she could have done to me i could not ever be indifferent to her, I also realize the fact that broken souls tend to use some kind of pseudo rationalization to paint a picture that is not accurate. I am trying to get along wiht my life, something inside just tells me she is still hurt and does not want me to hurt her anymore. look http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t85582/ for more info. How can i help myself get past this I am so stubborn i fear i may never be able to love someone as much. Kinda sux being a cancer sometimes.

Is there anything besides time which could open te avenues of communication. Could she be acting indifferent to not give so to speak the satisfaction of knowing she cares. Any advice for this poor confused guy.

 

What do women go throug when they are really hurt, is it possible to shut down feelings. She told me she was happy and life was going fine but it didnt seem like that maybe it was my presence. She definitely get nervous around me. I When i aked ased her if she wanted me to do her a favor and just dissappear she said she did not say that, says shes moved on but in her eyes i dont see indifference i see sadness. she said she is so used to not seeing me she does not feel the need.

 

I realize I just have to get on with my life I just want to understand what happened and what going on with her bc i care , I guess in time shell talk openly cuz i know she really loved me. Could one feign idifference to protect oneself

[westernxer]

You said it yourself, you're a cancer to her.

 

If you want her to heal, then stay away from her. Right now you're only thinking of yourself.

[Angel007]

I really feel i messed up ending things, and i would do anything possible to at least get forgiveness for the pain ive caused us both, I dont want such a lovely woman to live her life with bitterness knowing all the beauty she has inside .I think given this time to reflect we could make things better, I've dealt with my skeletons.

[Angel007]

You have a point, i need to just let it go huh, I feel like such a shmuck obsessing, you know ur right..

[GB111]

Breakups are harder on the dumpee at first, but once the dumpee moves on, they can really harden their shell. Often the dumper wants back in. That's when they often get their payback. Need to recognize what you have when you have it...

[Angel007]

Hi do any females have any perspective on this, am I completely wrong for seeking this communication, what would be best for me to do, you think I am doing her a disservice by trying to talk. I want closure but i think not healthy for hwer to bottle up I did and almost destroyed myself.. any insight would be helpful, really care about her if just falling off the planet would make her happy I would, she tells me she's happy but I see her not forgiving, have you ever felt how horrible it is not to forgive someone. I really have decidedf I love her no matter what.. I would do anything for her.. even if it means disappearing, I still see she cares and is avoiding maybe to not give me the satisfaction of a response. How could I go about getting her to at least be straight with me, its killing me inside losing such a friend. any suggestions

[Love Hurts]

*What do women go throug when they are really hurt, is it possible to shut down feelings*.shes moved on* but in her eyes i dont see indifference i see sadness.

*she said she is so used to not seeing me she does not feel the need*

 

I realize I just have to get on with my life I just want to understand what happened and what going on with her bc i care , I guess in time shell talk openly cuz i know she really loved me. Could one feign idifference to protect oneself

_______________________________________________________

 

She has accomplished the task.. The pain of draining love for you from her heart.... It is work and time to do that.. Grieving loss of love is like going through the death of loved one.. Life as we knew it just suddenly stops.. not easy.

 

This is what so many of us have to do and are in the process of doing.

Most painfull.

 

She may feel sad and nervous to see you...You represent a loving as well as a dark period of her life. She went through trauma to get over you.

 

I know your heart is heavy.

You sound as though you want to give it another go around,,,, stranger things have happened..

 

If I were you. I would relax. Do something good for yourself.

Focus on something other than her.... it is not healthy.

Start a prodject around the house, take your mind off her.

Be content that you are still in her company and can talk.

 

Many of us prefer not to speak to our lost loves.... we must when children are involved.

 

Life is short.. make the best of each day... be the best you can.

Smile, be happy, I am certain you have alot to be thankful for.

Just look around.

[panthera_leo]

Hm interesting. Im a female, i'll give you my perspective. I think the reason for her bitterness is that she is protecting herself. As Love Hurts said she has been through trauma to get over you.

 

I think you're totally wrong for thinking she doesn't care, she does care but it seems like she doesn't want to get sucked into another relationship that ends in heartache. When people are still bitter it shows that they still care - albeit not directly.

 

You broke up with her. Why was that? If you want her back your going to have to prove to her that you have dealt with all the reasons why you wanted to break up in the first place. At this moment in time she's guarding herself because she simply doesn't know what you want. When you said "I feel she is a good person and i would still like to know her" - it sounds as if you just want her in your life as someone you just know, not as a lover or as a friend (if you get me). She clearly doesn't want this! Maybe if you have an open discussion with her about how you really feel she may change her tune (if thats what you want). Show her you're a different person and you really care for her.

 

I can sort of relate to what she's going through. Whenever my ex contacts me I instantly put up a guard, purely because i dont know what he wants - friendship or reconciliation. I may be bitter with him, but its not because I dont care, its because im protecting myself. If he straight up came out with what his intentions are then i'd react differently and be more open with him. You cant wait around for her to talk because she simply wont! You made the break and now you want to reconcile - you should make the first move. Dont play games, just tell her how you feel.

[Angel007]

You have a point,I've got my life together, I am relatively content with my life, I still miss her though,I feel as if a piece ofmy heart will always be hers, I want her back as a lover, but b4 we were lovers we weere friends, I have not found anyone who compares to her. I want her back as a lover, if not that a friend and see if wecould regain that trust, she is a gr8 person... It has been 2 yearsand I still have moments of missing her gr8ly I just dont think about it to get by. She seems to be very bitter, I dont want to torment her or anything of thesort.. I already wrote her a 5page letter when I got back from my army training saying everything I needed to, she's treating me indifferently, like a stranger. Im just giving her more time, I am a damn stubborn man, would be easier to give upbut I cant. Ill probably send her some blue roses for her 24 bday, and give her a call.. I really dont knowhow toget her to open up shesaid we could hang out in the summer but then completely blew me off, I dont think she can handle talking to me like a person, Iam sure she loved me very deeply,I dont care ifIhave to carry the burden of memories if theres any chance in hell, I am not mad shes acting like this, Iknow the pain shes experienced, I went through it all alone when I was in army training fora year.What you think, should I continue trying to talk to her periodically. thanks for your input..

angel

[alwaysthere]

I need to speak to you PANTHERA LEO. i'm sorry to ask u here but i couldnt find a way to PM u. I have a similar issue like Angel007.

 

 

My girl is now soo pissed at me.. she tore all my pics she had.. erased all my memories changed her Ph no, asked all her friends not to talk about me or refer me.She does not look into my eyes.. she says she been thru hell to forget me( while i always told her i would be back into her life..she felt insecure and prepared herself to forget me than to expect my comeback). I told her i miss her badly and i had reasons to be away from her for a yr.. but she is not willing to see me into my eyes..

 

The more i try speaking to her.. shes going from bad to worse.. and now she even said she will die but will not let me back in her life.. this happened 1 week back. I chose to start a N/c. but i dont want her to make it look like she made a right decision and that i anyways will not come back. I dont wanna go into oblivion. How to i make her know i care for me.. and i i cant afford to lose her, I need to get her back to normal stop her fron hating me ateast so i have a hope to clear off the misunderstandings and bring her back into my life.

 

She said she will never trust me and has lost faith in me..( i never did anything to give her such impression) and day after day shes generating hatred for me and shes being so BITTER when i try to speak to her.. she is wiling to go to any extent to make me feel bad n guilty.

 

Will this be over? why does a girl do this to a guy? will they ever get normal? will she ever let me back into her life?

Do suggest a solution plzzzz any solution will do.. even if it sounds impossible i'm willing to do it. she took pills to kill herself so she could forget me.

Shes very sensitive.. how do i handle this.. i can wait but cant see her gettin married to someone else as she threatens me.

 

I tried harming myself.. but she said that will only make her go away! i can do what she did to forget me.. do u think that works.. even if that helps me to see her once i think its a success.

 

Last time i spoke to my girl.. she was calling me names and abusing me without directly looking into my eyes ..i went near her and pleaded not to misunderstand me and i do care for her and would love to marry her.. she started to ignore me for a while and then kept repeating that she does not love me.. and later when i Hugged her she Collapsed!!

 

I NEED her.. PLZZZ help.