Billybob123 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Hey im new to this site and am hoping that someone can give me some advice. Well basically my girlfiriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me 4 months ago. She said she needed time to sort herself out. She has a few personal issues and she is also going away due to work for 6 months. She told me she needs to be alone right now and she doesn't know how long it will take. She has made it clear that she wants to be friends and she is quite persistant about it. I have not initiated any contact for 3 months. Its always been her. She has also said that she hopes somewhere down the line, when she's sorted her stuff out, she wants to rekindle the relationship. We're both young and i love her with all my heart and she loves me. Even after 4 months my feelings have not changed one bit. Do you think i should be her friend? She has made it clear that she doesn't want to date others as she needs time alone to sort herself out. I would never force her into a relationship with me but I do admit i'd only be her friend in the hope of getting back together sometime in the future. Im not looking to date others either. I think the reason why she wants to be friends is to keep me in her life as she doesn't want to lose me. Thank you for reading. I appreciate any advice you can give me.
fabulousgal Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 To be honest with you, I wouldn't. It hurts badly, but when and if she's done sorting herself out and wants to be with you, nothing will stop her to let you know. Until then, you need to move past her. I am going through something similar although my relationship was much shorter...and "friends" kinda keeps you dangling. I like to think of it like this, the last person I dated, I could go to his wedding. The person I just broke up with, I'd vomit if I knew he was with someone else. If you feel like that, forget the friends and do YOUR thing, bc thats whats important. Like I said, if her decison is you, you can't stop a determined person from tracking you down to let you know.
batesal Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Well let's put it this way? Do you want to be her friend? Or do you want to be her friend with the intentions on getting back together with her? If you want choice #2 then you cannot be her friend. I tried it, and you what is going to happen is she is going to count on you to do everything she asks. Can you do this and that? Eventually you will feel used and very confused about what you want. Unless she is a honest person and has told you the truth about everything snice you have broken up, it will be hard to be friends with someone you still love, care and want to be with. If you want to be her friend, but only her friend, then it will work no problem. But you have to remember that being and friend and BEING A FRIEND are two different things. Make sure you know for sure what you want before you decide. She wants you to be hurt friend cause if she cannot find anyone to help her with anything, someone to talk to, or if she cannot find someone else, then she will depend on you to fill that gap. I tried very hard to be a friend of my ex, but I began to feel very used and hurt. I did ALOT for her snice our breakup in Jan, and she did very little. I eventually told her that if she couldn't be an equal friend like she is with everyone else, then it is best that we end it. I am not trying to scare you or tell you what you want to hear. I am only telling you the truth on what to prepare for if you still love her and are her friend.
MTK Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Don't do it. Don't let her walk over you. They'll want to be friends of course. You want the relationship back so you think being her friend will do that. Nope, it won't. She'll get the confort from having you "there" and while she goes and gets another guy or skips out on you. It's the sad truth. She either wants you or doesn't. Get yourself together, improve. Maybe if she sees an improvement in you, then she'll come back sooner to a "stronger" man and realize that you is what she wants. But at least if you improve, you can get someone else and you're better off generally in everyway as a person.
Blackdragon5095 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 f*** that, find new girl out their. Their are tons of girls out their. You can always find a new girl. Trust me Get back in the game.
RealBroken Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Some ppl just need to live their life for a bit. Dont burn the bridges if you dont want too. If it hurts too much then maybe NC. Just try not to wait for her......... harder than saying it huh. Im guessing she's young.
Billybob123 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Thank you guys i think i know what i have to do. Iv already had no contact with her until this point, well, very limited contact. It would absolutely crush me if she found someone else... so i guess i can't be her friend yet. RealBroken - yes she is young, she's 21. She told me she needs to be alone to figure out what she really wants from life. Im trying my very hardest not to wait for her. I've been on a few dates since we broke up but nothing serious. I know what i have to do. Its hard but i guess i just have to ignore her from here on in...or at least until she tells me something that i want to hear. Its just the beginning of the journey! Thank you for your support.
Carlthecoffeeaddict Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 this is why NC is a golden rule.......you don't want to know. just drop her like a bad habit. 21 is young.....21-22 yr olds are clueless about themselves. "Thank you guys i think i know what i have to do. Iv already had no contact with her until this point, well, very limited contact. It would absolutely crush me if she found someone else... so i guess i can't be her friend yet."
Brittanyjean06 Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 21/22 Are clueless about them sleves? What does that make an 18 year old like me ? Your right though
RealBroken Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 if she wants to be friends then i think thats ok........ just not really good friends....... it will crush you. maybe the odd call or email..... nothing else. just so you haven't burnt your bridges. Still date others for SURE! Just never never bring up your relationship with her, let her do that and then let her do the talking.... dont get emotional. She'll avoid you. If theres spilling to do..... let her do it. Good luck. Youre lucky u can still talk to her (:
Diver012 Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 I generally say no. I think it depends on the circumstances though. From what you describe, I would just go live your life and let her live hers.
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