tompilot Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Hi, i just found this site and there seems to be alot of good advice out there. Here's my story: I've been seperated from my wife since last February. We tried to make it work but decided it wasn't the best for either one of us. I knew for years that i wasn't really happy. We were together for 11 years and married for 5. I was really down for a while but finally got over the fact that my marriage ended. I started dating again in September, not looking for a relationship but then again knowing what I want and not wanting to waste anyones time. I went out on a few dates that didn't go any further. In October, I met this woman, who the moment that I met her i knew that I wanted to continue dating. She is also seperated, a bit further along in the process than I am. She decided to leave her husband of 10 years because he didn't want to have children.She's been seperated for about a year and a half. and dating for a few months. Otherwise, she says that they had a good marriage and that she loved being married to him but he wasn't able to give her a family that she really wanted,a deal breaker. In a nutshell, we fell in love with one another. We both swept each other off our feet. Everything about it was amazing.Great sex, great on a emotional level, we had a great time together. I'm a romantic who was showering her with attention and love. We spent the holidays together and share I love you's in January. I travel alot for work and in February I come home and she tells me that she is getting back with her ex husband. When it came time for him to sign the divorce papers he was delaying a bit and then he came crying to her saying that now he wants to have kids, he finally realized that it is what he wants. She fell for it and decided to get back with him. When she told me, I felt as if I was hit in head with a baseball bat, I never saw it coming. The next day, i decided to fight for her. I never felt this way about someone, including my ex wife. After a few days of very emotional conversations and me convincing her that I'm better for her, we got back together. She told me that I made her realize that there is more out there than what her ex had given her and that she never felt this way about anyone before. Everything is great right? So I thought. We profess immense love and feelings for one another. We plan and dream of the future together. At the end of March we go on vacation together which went well. In April she started a new job after being out of work 2 months(she was layed off due to a corporate downsizing, she was there for 14 years!) I was very supportive in her job search. We're spending nearly every day together @ her place. Everything is going good, we're in a groove. She's a worrier and I would try to ease her stress about her new job. She gave me a key to her house and I would be there when she would come home from work. We have our differences, like any couple does. She is more concerned about them than I am. I'm more of a laid back kind of guy and she is more of a worrier. In the beginning of May I was gone for work the first 2 weeks of the month seeing her every now and then. Two weeks ago she tells me that she thinks that she is not in love with me anymore, that she is still thinking of her ex. She has doubts about us and whether or not I can give her what she needs. She can't get over her ex and is questioning everything about our relationship. She has also done alot of comparing between us. We do have some differences, which i don't see as a problem but she does. so we basically break up. She says that she needs some space to figure things out.i've spoken with her everyday, written emails and texting each other. She says that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. She knows that I'm a great guy but isn't sure if I can give her what she needs. I can't sleep, eat, or funtion normally. i'm absolutely crazy about her and completely heartbroken. i thought that she was the "one".Now i don't know what to do, he is kinda back in the picture because he knows that we broke up. I'm just lost here. Help!
Tim'sAngel Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Hi Tom!! Welcome to LS! I'm so sorry that things have worked out the way they have. LIfe is a bitch!! This women sounds extremely fickle!! First divorces her husband then falls for you, then goes back to him, then back to you, now thinking of her husband... This should have sent red flags to you. I know sometimes our emotions and feelings get in the way of logical thinking, but that doesn't change the fact that logically this could never work. Now its up to you whether or not your going to sit there and let your heart get ripped out time after time again. It sounds like your going to have to be the one to step up and make the decisions because she obviously cannot make up her own mind. Very very immature! Are you happy with this rollor coaster? Is this the way you want your life to be? Is she furthering you as a person? Is this the women you want to raise children with? You've got to think about these things. This is your life!! I would suggest NC (no contact). I hope by now you realize she will most likely never change. Maybe once is forgivable, but she pulls the same s*** on you agian?? Are you really going to tolorate this? IMO, you need to be the bigger person and take control of your life, not let someone else control it and only keep you brokenhearted!!
lovelorcet Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Hi Tom, my heart goes out to you man, just when you think everything is starting to go good you get blindsided. I think woman really have a knack of doing this to us. But I guess that is a different topic. She has told you that she needs, space and you need to give that to her. I am not sure to what extent but you have to be really careful not to chase her too hard because that has a real potential to back fire on you. I would clearly state you feelings to her and leave it at that. There really isn’t much you can do to convince her to stay with you, she has to do that on her on. So you have to be strong now because it is going to hurt you like hell to give her space. Don’t let her see you sweat either, life goes on for you independent of how she decides to proceed and you will be fine. If you come across as too weak and need that will only make her head for the hills so you are “ok” even if you may not feel that way. I wish you all the luck man…
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