eyeswideshut Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Now I really wanted to get through the first week of NC. It was ok, except, we never were in a "real relationship" yet, just the fun first 9 months of it, so we never did contact one another so much by phone anyway. However, last week, I told him I'd have to disappear, for awhile, he kind of knew it was coming, he said he understood. He wrote on Wednesday, saying he was really not happy in his marriage, but didn't feel strong enough to leave yet. (grief of his brother's death compounded with how it affected his family, and inability to work) Anyway. I never wrote back. He wrote again Saturday night, saying he knew I wasn't speaking to him, but that he missed me. And today, he phoned. s***. I answered after the 10th ring. the whole time thinking should I or shouldn't I? Well, during this conversation, he told me that he really regretted his marriage, and even his friends told him that she was pressuring him into it, and now they see it. Anyhow. Told me lots of stuff to lead me to believe that if he was stronger, and was able to work, and wasn't so vulnerable, he would be able to walk away from this. And the only reason he went back at that moment was because it was much easier to deal with staying than the effects the divorce was going to have on him. (he was going through a minor depression due to his brother's death, and usually, a very successful business-man, was thinking of changing careers, but didn't have the strength or concentration to do so) NOW. I know. I shouldn't have answered the phone. Seriously? I think I am still happy to be single. I'm no longer addicted to him sexually, it's really just a matter of getting over my fiance now, which I have been concentrating on. Of course I would love to be with him, but at this point, I'm really more concerned about his well-being whether it's with her or not. He tells me he can't sleep at night, since I dumped him last weekend. I know I should do NC to accelerate things?!?! But what should I do, I would be fine doing both (either NC or not), believe me, I am so busy in June, however, for his own good. what would be the best thing to do? Oh by the way, he is so unhappy at this point, and they are always fghting, he tells me he wanted to smack her. (he wouldn't though, he's not like that) And he told her she wanted to smack him too. They are at the point where they can't stand one another. Do I stay away? Now if I do, do I have to tell him yet again, that I'm doing NC? I already wrote him an email explaining that if i didn't answer him, it was because it was for the best. Help!!
Walking away Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Only you know what is best for you. What is the goal of NC? To get him to leave her? Or for you to heal? It is a sticky wicket, this whole NC thing.... What is your gut telling you to do?
Blind Illusion Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 I'm the worst one to ask. I do dumb things like initiate NC but only *I* know it. And I'm not sure what I am trying to accomplish anyhow.
StoneyHeart Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 I'm the worst one to ask. I do dumb things like initiate NC but only *I* know it. And I'm not sure what I am trying to accomplish anyhow. i had to laugh at this. i've done the same many times. funny thing is that this past week he was there for me in his own way and i got to a place where I just accepted that, was grateful, and knew it didn't change anything. can't really explain situation. but for me that half-backed NC turned into his being there when i needed him without it pushing me back into the obsession seemed like a HUGE HUGE victory. maybe like a deeper love than before because i don't NEED him to rescue me anymore (thanks in part to you girls on this website- i mostly just lurk now but i am empowered by each of you)- i feel like i am growing up a lot finally. So, half-NC can be a game or it can be a way to detach from the obsession if you really are getting over him. I guess the others are saying the same thing- what are you trying to accomplish.
Author eyeswideshut Posted May 29, 2006 Author Posted May 29, 2006 I know, I'm like you BI. I don't even know what I want. But I guess, it's more of, I want HIM in the end. Only, it doesn't have to be now. It's even more perfect this way, because it's giving me ample time to get over my ex. I'd want him by Aug. at the latest. hahaha (if I could control things)
Jessie61 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 I know, I'm like you BI. I don't even know what I want. But I guess, it's more of, I want HIM in the end. Only, it doesn't have to be now. It's even more perfect this way, because it's giving me ample time to get over my ex. I'd want him by Aug. at the latest. hahaha (if I could control things) Well, EWS, you need to decide what you actually want and then decide how to do it. This is a process which sometimes can't be done in one afternoon. But once you have thought about it and decided, then doing it is much much easier.
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