that_kid Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Hi all, About 18 months ago, I met this 27 year old single mom. We started dating until she broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. Yesterday, I went to see her to talk and it turns out that for the whole time, she was just dating me for "convenience". I think she really never loved me. That would have been okay with me if she had told me so, but no, she kept asking for commitment. Actually, I was thinking that maybe I could marry her someday, etc... I grew found of her and her children. I'm a bit younger and I will be out of graduate school in two years. It turns out that she found someone who is 10 years older than her and already has a job. She said she couldn't wait 2 years. She basically used me for companionship until someone better came along, but never told me that. I feel so used. I missed her and I miss her children (which, as a result of her actions, feel a bit like mine). I feel so used. We agreed last night that I wouldn't contact her and she would have to initiate the conversation if she wanted to. In two weeks, this is my birthday. This is the 3rd woman in a row that treats me badly.
gypsygal44 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Kid, Sorry to hear that you are going thru this. When kids are involved it makes it harder. It is HER problem, especially since it sounds like she only wants someone to take care of her and her kids. Yes, you were used. As I said it was her problem not yours. Try to think of what you are putting out into the universe to attract these kinds of women. Are you acting needy? Are you acting like you can take care of them? Take a good look at yourself and you will find out what you are doing to draw these types of people to you. Maybe you should concentrate on your studies and don't look for someone. When it is the right person they will find you. It may take some time but it does happen. I was always looking and then me EXH found me. We are divorced after 20 yrs. but I have a son. So there was a reason for us to be together. The way I look at it now is that our time together is over and it is someone else's turn to be with me. Stop asking what you did wrong. Nothing! She was looking for something else than what you had to give. There is someone out there who is looking for just exactly what you have to offer. Good Luck. Gypsy
Author that_kid Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 Yeah, to be honnest, I hope her life goes to hell with her new man and she realizes what she lost. Oh well Me
gypsygal44 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Do you believe in karma? People like her and my ExH will get what they have coming to them. We don't have to do a thing except be happy. That will make them wonder. "How can they be happy without me, they should be miserable." I know that my ExH is sort of getting what is coming to him. He is involved with a married woman and she has no plans to leave her family. So he must be sad and lonely without his bimbo. Good for him. People like her always get what is coming to them sooner or later. But meanwhile they go about their merry ways destroying people and not giving a dam. Gypsy
Author that_kid Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 I would call it "karma" because I am a scientist but yeah, I hope the pattern repeats for her. It won't for me, I'll try to make sure of this. Yeah, two more years and I get my PhD in bioengineering from one of the most prestigious university in the world...
GB111 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Kid, Congats. Focus on what you're doing right in your life. I was in the exact same situation with a 28 year old (I'm 39, and very successful). She dumped me and immediately started dating some jackass. When she was done with him (one month) she came back to me, and I took her back. What a fool I am. Now she's with another guy, and I have initiated NC and focusing on myself. That's really what you need to do. Believe me, the pain will pass. It's been 1 month of NC for me, and I'm feeling much better. Still miss her, but she used me like a dishrag. That make it much easier! Best of luck to you. Keep us posted. Best, GB
Author that_kid Posted May 31, 2006 Author Posted May 31, 2006 Here's the message I received this morning. I won't reply till later (or not at all, depending). Any thoughts, advice, input? -------------------- xxxx, I saw your pic on your IM window. It looks really good. I hate that you are so cute, it makes me miss you more. I can't delete you from my account, it's too difficult. I still love you too, but honestly, could it really work? xxxx. --------------------
gypsygal44 Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 It won't as long as she is with someone else. She has to let you go completely. Not just when she is happier with someone else. You have to think about what she put you thru and if it is worth a second chance (to make it work or get hurt again). Only you know what you need and want. Good Luck. Gypsy
Guest Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 I don't think you should reply to her. Didn't she tell you that she was just with you for convenience? She treated you disrespectfully. If you reply to her I think she'll just have the impression she can flit in and out of your life at her whim and you'll always be there. She needs to really think about what she did to you. Not responding will accomplish that. And if she does truly want to be with you, she'll probably try to contact you again. Maybe then you could respond if you want to...but not now.
Guest Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 Don't reply to her. She treated you very disrespectfully, and if you respond she'll just have the impression that you'll always be there for her regardless of the way she treats you. She needs time to really think about her choices. Not responding to her will force her to do that. If she really wants you back, she'll probably try to contact you again. Maybe then you could respond if you want to..but not now.
Author that_kid Posted June 1, 2006 Author Posted June 1, 2006 So I did reply, saying I was taking off to a nice resort area for a conference (true). I was very elusive but nice. I turns out that her new man told her that he just want to be friends... I think I'll be hard to reach for the 5 days (because I'll be busy with work, of course). What do you think?
Guest Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 I think the same thing I said before. You don't want to be her "fall back" guy. She won't respect you if you make it that easy for her, and she'll just drop you again down the road when she meets someone else.
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