sexyLMC Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 hi everyone.. i thought id leave a message this is the weirdest thing ive ever felt in my life. Basically me and my bf have been going through a bad patch for some time now.. and yesturday we broke up.. most of the people on here are pretty much going through a hard time right now.. i know its so hard.. my best friends grandad has just been told he is dying with cancer, this made me realise that even though you feel bad, the worst feelin in the world, there is alot more people out there that are totally wishin they had your life.. Think about it.. in a way i feel as if im being selfish for feelin sorry for myself over splitting up with my bf when theres so many people suffering from alot worse things in life.. i believe.. A BREAK UP ISNT THE END... ITS JUST THE BEGINING!!!! Anything that doesnt kill u only makes u stronger.. i read all these stories and i feel like crying through pain for you guys...!!!! but lets face it.. we know the pain will go.. and we're be the stronger person,,. Everyday you sit in crying is a day that u've wasted of ur own life... x lisa x
Diver012 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Well put. I go through so many mixed emotions. Times Im sad shes not here. At times im glad someone like her is gone. At times she scares me cause I realize that I didnt know what she is capable of, and I want her to completely leave me alone... other times im angry at her... then there are the nice times, when I just dont give a s*** about the whole situation anymore...
Solachica Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Well it's as the old saying goes....when you think you've got it bad, there's someone out there who's got it worst.
gypsygal44 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I guess we all need reminding from time to time that our lot in life isn't as bad as someone else's. Thanks for reminding us. I go thru days of feeling great and strong. Then there are days when memories hit or lonlieness and it hurts all over again. Then I too start looking at this time of my life as an adventure. Where, what, how,which all the questions I need to find answers for are all out there waiting for me to find them. I am sorry about your friends grandfather. My dad's parents both died of cancer. It is an ugly disease. Just pray that he doesn't have to linger. Although today it is not necessarily a death sentence. They have made many advances in medicine. Good luck and thanks again. Gypsy
Author sexyLMC Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 well dont get me wrong.. everyone has off days.. its weird i have like an hour where i feel like ****.. but at the end of the day my lifes not that bad..
gypsygal44 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 You will. It is called greiving. We don't greive for a person who has passed. We greive mostly for lost loves, lost hopes and dreams. That can be harder sometimes. We build up our dreams into something that can't possibly be as good in life as it is in our minds. Nothing ever is. All we can do is learn to live with reality. Reality is that they are gone and we must move on. I look at it this way. I survived before I met him and I will survive after he is gone. There is someone else out there and I must be patient. Gypsy
Author sexyLMC Posted May 29, 2006 Author Posted May 29, 2006 that really does make alot of sence.. i have no idea why but i woke up this morning feelin really bad about the whole thing..lol ive but this thread in sayin how not to feel sorry for urself and thats exactly wot im doing.. sounds so so silyl but my heart kills..... id rather not love anyone again then feel like this..
gypsygal44 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 I understand what you are saying about loving again. I was hurt so badly, not just by his leaving after 20 yrs., but the awful mean things he said this past year. He never stuck up for me the way he has about her (with me bearing the brunt of his anger and meanness). That is what hurts the most I think. That I was his wife and mother to his child but his married whore deserves better than me. I get very angry thinking about this and it keeps me from wallowing too much in self pity. But I cannot stay angry for ever. So I have tried NC. It has helped me keep my sanity. I don't obsess so much about what he is doing or who. I am trying to find out what I like to do. We tend to lose ourselves in our relationships because we try to either please them or fit into the mold they want us to be. Either way we lose. One of my biggest fears is that I will end up with another just like him or that I will never be able to trust another person with my heart again. It has been badly broken and bruised. It will definitely take time to heal. That is where I am now. Trying to heal myself. I am on a journey I had no choice in and am trying to make the most of it. Maybe that is what you have to do now too. They made their choices now it is our turn to make some for ourselves. Gypsy
Author sexyLMC Posted May 30, 2006 Author Posted May 30, 2006 Sounds silly but reading your last post has made me feel alot better!!! today was my 2nd day of NC and not that im feeling better as in the pain has gone. but my head is startin to put pieces back that i didnt know was missing if you get what i mean.. i think talkin to people in the same situation makes things alot better!!! dont mean to sound rude but i feel a little bit of a fool i mean u was married with kids.. thats a little different to my story.. i think your a very brave person and you sound like your full of helpful tips and life in genaral.. lisa x
gypsygal44 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Pain is pain no matter the length of a relationship. I guess being together for over 20 yrs. is a bit different but its how we deal with that pain that matters. I kind of went off my noggin for a while chasing after them and kind of stalking to see what they were doing. It didn't help me it was just tormenting myself. Everytime i see him I fall in love all over again. So I have to distance myself, literally. No Contact. No phone calls and no seeing him. It is difficult with a child but my son is 12 and can handle a lot of things by himself. I think my ExH is kind of regretting leaving but can not extricate himself from her. She is like a drug and he is addicted. Midlife Crisis and all that. He won't admit it but I know he still loves me. He may never admit it but he sure will regret getting involved with her. She is going to hurt him and a big part of me wants him to feel some of the pain that I have gone thru. Then another part of me (the part that still loves him) doesn't want him to feel any pain. Mostly I just want to be happy myself. I have let myself go for awhile but that is all about to change. I have decided to start treating myself better. I am not doing it to attract another man but to help with my self-esteem. It is difficult in my financial situation but I am going to try. Gypsy
Author sexyLMC Posted June 2, 2006 Author Posted June 2, 2006 good on ya hun u get out there and do what ever it takes.. i think you'll be ok, you sound like a very strong minded person which i think helps alot in these situations. i desided to just have fun e.c.t. i keep gettin miss calls off my ex. he even sat outside my house wednesday night to say sorry this was at like 1.30am. i just told him to give me space its weird one minute im fallin apart the minute im strong and take the 1st few steps to getting over him he comes flying back.. i dont know what im going to do. i think if you split up with someone it was for a reason.. so have to see what happens. lisa x
gypsygal44 Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 You sound like you are starting to get a hold on this. But be prepared there are going to be many ups and downs in your emotions probably for quite some time to come. I have been seperated for a year and divorced for almost 2 months and I still have days where all I do is cry. Then I will get to remembering how unhappy I was and realize he probably did both of us a favor. Esp. me as I am taking time for myself and time to contemplate my problems and find solutions. He on the other hand raced right into another relationship even before he left me. She won't last. She is just good for his ego and sex drive right now. As I have stated before she is still married and with no leaving in sight. So good luck to them in that screwed up relationship. It is certainly not one I would like to get into. I am looking toward me as saving myself. There are no white knights or prince charmings out there. Only men. And I am not ready to deal with them at the moment. Good Luck and come back often. Gypsy
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