Guest Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I know this whole thing is so wrong, I guess I just wanted someone's input on it. I've been friends with this guy for a couple years, he has been happily married for 17 years to his third wife and he has a few kids with her. He is 30 years older than me, which I'm okay with, because to me, we're just friends. I admit that I've always had this little attraction to him from the day I met him, but I never thought anything of it because of the fact he's married and the age difference. Well, about a year and a half ago, we started to really get close, having conversations about our intimate lives. We really connected, knowing that we could talk about anything with each other. Not long after that, he made a move on me and we ended up doing a few sexual things a few different times, no sex at first, at least not until a couple weeks ago. We had sex for the first time. It was a big surprise to me. He asked me if I was okay with it after and I said yes. He said it was just a one time thing that he wanted to do, for the memory of it, to have sex with a teenager. He said that it couldn't happen again. Since then, he's asked me to come over to his house and we actually have a date for me to do so, to study, but I know that something is going to happen. I am still very (physically) attracted to him, he's my friend, but there are no emotional feelings there(other than friendship), just sexual feelings. I enjoyed being with him, as did he with me. I have no intention of being with him in a relationship, as I know he has no intention of leaving his wife. We just have this "friends with benefits" thing going on and we know that it will soon end, probably within the next few weeks...at least I think so. I know that this whole thing is wrong, but for some reason I have grown way too attached to him physically to want to stop right now. I just don't know what to do about the whole situation. I know that everyone is going to say end it right now, but it's just not that simple. Help!
BUTAFLY Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 First you said it was we are just friends. then you said you became physicallly attracted now your saying your attached. Next you'll be saying your falling in love with him. look you know what you have to do....its in your title (so wrong). your soon going to get emotionally attcached and thats when the heart ache will begin and trust me you don't want that. I know you don't want to hear 'end it', but thats all there is to say.
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I just don't know what to do about the whole situation. I know that everyone is going to say end it right now, but it's just not that simple. Help! Guest, I am not so sure about this.... I mean, even if you are 19, then he's 39...And I would have serious doubts about a 39 year old man making a move on a 19 year old girl! (Then again, for all I know you could be 15, which is even worse!!!) I would always wonder about there being an inherent inequality in a relationship with this age difference, especially when one party is only a teenager. Then when you add the fact that he is also M, then I hear alarm bells going off... Of course it suits him to talk about being "friends with benefits" because that way he can always turn around and say that he never promised you anything. He is probably also better equipped to not get emotionally involved, because he is older etc. But I would worry that you are not equally equipped to deal with a situation like this? And how could anyone expect you to? You are still very young. Listen, when I was in my late teens/early 20, I really thought I was as cool as a cumcumber, that I could deal with anything, that I could control my feelings, that I wasn't scared of anything etc etc. In the end, I only ended up hurting myself! Please don't let that happen to you!!! Yes, you talk about this "FWB" thing as though you are OK with it, but I wonder if you really are. If you were, I don't think that you would be posting here, would you??? Yes, you know what I am going to say know, don't you? I really think you should end it and end it NOW. Don't get involved in this mess. Please!!!
MsColorado Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 no, if he's 30 years older than she is and if she's 18 or 19 (hopefully, not younger) that would make him 49. It's disgusting and he's taking advantage of her.
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 no, if he's 30 years older than she is and if she's 18 or 19 (hopefully, not younger) that would make him 49. It's disgusting and he's taking advantage of her. Yes, you're right! I could never count to save my life.... That makes it even worse!!!!
THX2000 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I know this whole thing is so wrong, I guess I just wanted someone's input on it. I've been friends with this guy for a couple years, he has been happily married for 17 years to his third wife and he has a few kids with her. He is 30 years older than me, which I'm okay with, because to me, we're just friends. I admit that I've always had this little attraction to him from the day I met him, but I never thought anything of it because of the fact he's married and the age difference. Well, about a year and a half ago, we started to really get close, having conversations about our intimate lives. We really connected, knowing that we could talk about anything with each other. Not long after that, he made a move on me and we ended up doing a few sexual things a few different times, no sex at first, at least not until a couple weeks ago. We had sex for the first time. It was a big surprise to me. He asked me if I was okay with it after and I said yes. He said it was just a one time thing that he wanted to do, for the memory of it, to have sex with a teenager. He said that it couldn't happen again. Since then, he's asked me to come over to his house and we actually have a date for me to do so, to study, but I know that something is going to happen. I am still very (physically) attracted to him, he's my friend, but there are no emotional feelings there(other than friendship), just sexual feelings. I enjoyed being with him, as did he with me. I have no intention of being with him in a relationship, as I know he has no intention of leaving his wife. We just have this "friends with benefits" thing going on and we know that it will soon end, probably within the next few weeks...at least I think so. I know that this whole thing is wrong, but for some reason I have grown way too attached to him physically to want to stop right now. I just don't know what to do about the whole situation. I know that everyone is going to say end it right now, but it's just not that simple. Help! To quote Tyler Durden "this guy is a predator posing as a housepet". He is using you! Stay away from him as this will only end in tears for you.
BUTAFLY Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 To quote Tyler Durden "this guy is a predator posing as a housepet". He is using you! Stay away from him as this will only end in tears for you. Amen shinshop!
norajane Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 You know that connection you feel with this guy, and the sexual desire, and the rush, and infatuation, and exhilaration and excitement? It's SO MUCH better when you feel that with a guy who can give you his heart. It's so much better when your guy doesn't have to lie to his wife and family and keep you a secret as though you didn't exist...because you really don't have a place in his life, not really. You deserve to be with someone who is happy to be with you, not one who's afraid of getting caught.
movinon05 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 I agree with jesse (and her mathmatical skills! ) - just kiddin Jess. Love ya! At any rate, does it make you feel any better that you fulfilled one of this man's fantasies? To have sex with a teenager? He didn't have sex with you because he cares about you!! And if he knew better, which he should, he should never take advantage of someone so young just because you're a teenager and justify it that you are of legal age (I hope!!!). Yes, it is that simple to walk away if you do it now!! And he should understand. You have your whole life ahead of you and there is nothing in this relationship that has any promise for you, whatsoever!! We all thought we were the cat's meow when we were teenagers and could handle anything and no one could tell us differently. He is well aware of what he did, he's just too selfish, and justified it by saying this is the only time it will happen. Well, I'll be curious to know if he really meant that too!
yesmaybe Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Well, no matter what anyone here says, you are going to continue having sex with him. How do I know? Because I was a teenager not too long ago (I'm in my mid-20's now), and I know what hormones and youthful curiosity does to good judgement. So, instead of telling you "DON'T DO IT!!", I would like you to keep a couple things in mind. 1. Do not let him pressure you into doing sex that is kinkier than you feel comfy with. There is a reason why there are statutory rape laws in place - older men know how to manipulate young women/men. You don't want to be my age, and look back and think, "I was as good as raped." 2. You don't know this right now - but you can do sooooooooo much better. This guy is a loser, and when you're my age, you will laugh at yourself and feel pity/contempt/disgust for him and men like him (oh...there are so many men like him, it's not even funny). 3. Don't beat yourself up too badly for not seeing what a loser he is once you get over this affair. You're young and didn't know better. Just make sure you aren't forever connected to him because of an STD or pregnancy. Otherwise...get ready for a bumpy ride.
Seen_It_All Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Is this a joke? Not sure if this is a troll or not because the story is so UTTERLY disgusting that it creeps me out to think it's real. And if this story IS real, this pig needs to be castrated. He 'just wanted to know what it was like to have sex with a TEENAGER," did he? What a disgusting piece of sh*it. Let's see - the pervert is on marriage number THREE. Well gosh - I can't IMAGINE why he can't seem to be successful at marriage. Could it be because he thinks with his d*ck? Loser. I know you're too young to understand much yet, but please don't tell me you're actually flattered by this drooling lech putting his filthy hands on you? If you were my daughter, I'd give this creep such a beat-down that it would be a long time before the pervert was able to start trolling the high school bus stops again for fresh victims. Have you told your parents about this wonderful pillar of society? I'd LOVE to know their opinion of this predator. If you haven't told them, I can only assume that somewhere DEEP down, you also know how utterly repulsive this pig is and how vile his actions really are. This isn't rocket science, Guest. Have some self respect and don't let this disgusting pervert put his filthy hands on you ever again. Just another thought, Guest. When you start dating a decent fellow, tell him all about the married lech who is 30 years older than you and see what his opinion is. He'll probably be utterly repulsed and not think very highly of you. Your history will come WITH you to every new relationship, don't forget that. Something that only happened once or twice can still be forgiven as youthful stupidity. Something that happened for months and months is definitely going to cause an impression in his mind, and I can't imagine it would be a good one.
Guest Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Just to clarify, I'm 19, so it's legal, even if it is still wrong. I think I pretty much ended what else could possibly happen between us. I met someone that I really like, I've actually known him for a while, but I'm just starting to really get to know him and I don't want to screw anything up by going around and sleeping with a MM. Just for the record though, I only felt friendship and sexual desire for the MM. I didn't feel romantically connected to him whatsoever and I know that I never could. I know what I was doing was wrong, I see that. It's over now though. Thanks everyone for the advice.
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