Thinking about breaking it off with my fiance

[Outcast]

Listen to your gut. It never lies to you. Fear will never lie to

you.

 

Ever heard of being paranoid? Anxious? Fear can definitely lie to you - and make a fool out of you and turn you into a sad little wimp.

 

A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.

[radiation7740]

I'm convinced I was born in the wrong generation. The drama in the dating world these days leads me to believe that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. So why bother pursuing any woman? And the more I read these boards the more I'm convinced that keeper women are the exception and not the rule. It will only get worse in future generations. What we see happening today is a real picnic compared to what's next.

[Pyro]

I'm convinced I was born in the wrong generation. The drama in the dating world these days leads me to believe that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. So why bother pursuing any woman? And the more I read these boards the more I'm convinced that keeper women are the exception and not the rule. It will only get worse in future generations. What we see happening today is a real picnic compared to what's next.

 

Don't let a few woman bashers make you think any less of woman. They have had a few bad experiences with woman in the past and they can't seem to let it go. A majority of us on here know that there are plenty of good potential mates out there.

[radiation7740]

If good hearted mates are more common than an exception then why don't we hear more positive stories on these boards? These boards have 90% negative & 10 % positive stories. That outta tell you something.

[Outcast]

Because this is a forum about problems with love.

[whichwayisup]

I have come to my senses a bit more on this. When guys get together and start talking ideas start coming into our heads. We also had a few drinks and you know how that ends up. Truth be told she has been nothing but supportive and it is better off if I do keep her. Truth be told there is nothing she needs from me other than me because she can support herself so she is worth staying with.

 

Good! Glad to hear that Woggle.

[Mary3]

Most folks feel that it's better to love and lose than to never have loved at all. I don't believe that. After getting burned by a girl I think I'm worse off than had I never experienced love in the first place. Because if I never experience it then I won't miss anything and what I don't know can't hurt me. But the past is the past. If I could go back in time I would never have gotten involved in the dating department.

I never said that I would never take risks. Some of you have missed my point. Just because I'm a bit hesitant about risking my heart & soul doesn't mean that I avoid risks in other departments of my life. We just happened to talk about the dating department.

 

Heck I take risks everyday around here. I walk outside in a thunderstorm. There's a risk I'll get struck by lightning but it's very slim. The chances are alot slimmer than the chances of getting my heart broken again if I get involved in another relationship.

 

But the only way to go through life is experiencing *through* PAIN and pain teaches us to be strong and make better choices the next time ! I would rather have loved and felt the immense joy of it then to have NEVER felt it at all.

Think of the Elephant Man. He never had any women interested in him. The public spat at him. He never knew true love . Only the kindly care takers showed him any concern.

He wanted love and had none. You have a * choice * to feel love again

[PuppyDogEyes]

Maybe I'm jumping into the conversation a little late here, but I can unfortunately see Woggle's point, as I grew up in a very similar situation. (I've read his threads before.) Oddly, my distrust is also aimed mostly at the female sex (and I'm female - go figure).

 

Woggle, I see where you're coming from, but I have to tell you to try and look at your fiance/future wife as an individual first - not as "female". You've said before that she is like no other female that you've met - correct? In that case, look at her thoughts and actions from almost a detached POV - before you allow your emotions to come to the forefront, observe and then try to think about it. "Is this situation typical of something she would do" - not "Is this situation what all women do".

 

You have to try and change the "all or nothing" perspective that you seem to hold. (I know - I used to hold it, too, and in some situations I still have trouble letting go of it.) Saying that "all women are untrustworthy/bitches/conniving scum/insert insult here" is the equivalent of saying "all African-Americans love fried chicken" or "all Irish people drink like fish" or "all Germans are Nazis". It's stereotyping an entire group of people (in your case, the female sex) into what you perceive them to be, rather than what they truly are.

 

(Sorry. I know the above comparisons are harsh. But I think it's apt to use these comparisons, in this case.)

 

Woggle, in truth, think of it this way: in stating that "all women are bitches/liars/cheats" as you do, sometimes - God help me for saying this, but these statements remind me of my mother. Yes, the same uber-femiNazi that raised me. "You can't trust men, pde, they're all the same, they only want one thing and they're animals about it, they'll rip your heart out and cheat on you and take you for everything you have."

 

Sounds eerily familiar, doesn't it.

 

Do you really want to walk through life espousing your current rhetoric as you do, knowing that it's comparable to what you state you despise about your own raising? Think about that - is it possible that you've grown up to be your parent, despite the fact that your parent might be the prime reason for your troubles in the first place?

 

Trust me, I think about that a lot in my own situation.

 

Woggle, only you can say what is right for you. But I wouldn't be so quick to take your friend's advice concerning your relationship - which, up until now, seemed to be a happy one (at least from what I've read here on the boards).

 

I'd be interested in an update, if you feel like giving one.

 

- pde.

[Woggle]

I am now officially considering this thread as a temporary moment of insanity. She got back last noght and I wondered how I could ever leave her.

[whichwayisup]

I am now officially considering this thread as a temporary moment of insanity. She got back last noght and I wondered how I could ever leave her.

 

Good. I bet now you really couldn't imagine your life without her.

[Pyro]

If good hearted mates are more common than an exception then why don't we hear more positive stories on these boards? These boards have 90% negative & 10 % positive stories. That outta tell you something.

 

Have you ever read what the point of having this message board is? The purpose is to have a place where individuals with relationship problems may come and ask for advice, so on here it is pretty common to here about negative stories.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I am now officially considering this thread as a temporary moment of insanity. She got back last noght and I wondered how I could ever leave her.

 

 

Next time you hear your so called friend talk about how 'soft' you are with her and how you'd be better off without her, tell him to bury his misery up his arse.

[Woggle]

I hav edoubts sometimes because there is a part of me that truly doesn't believe that a woman like her exists anymore. I have to pinch myself at times to see if I am dreaming. I guess it is true that you will find the one when you leat expect it.

[Touche]

I hav edoubts sometimes because there is a part of me that truly doesn't believe that a woman like her exists anymore. I have to pinch myself at times to see if I am dreaming. I guess it is true that you will find the one when you leat expect it.

 

Yes, it IS true and furthermore, I'm quite confident in saying that all of us who have been lucky enough to have found THE one, have thought the same way as you have. I didn't think a man like my husband even EXISTED either. I had all but given up when I met him.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I hav edoubts sometimes because there is a part of me that truly doesn't believe that a woman like her exists anymore. I have to pinch myself at times to see if I am dreaming. I guess it is true that you will find the one when you leat expect it.

 

 

You know, I would give anything to be married to someone who is so amazing that I have pinch myself every now and then!!

 

Really, you have to thank your good luck in that department. Many of us are married to people that we are happy with... but are not crazy about.

[Woggle]

When I read and hear about stuff like this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t88277/ it is why I was thinking of calling it off. I am scared of this being me one day.

[alphamale]

My husband is older than me, abit more than 15 years age difference and honestly I don't want to ever be with anybody else. I love him.

 

Alpha, everything in life is a risk! Telling him to end it - That's just plain stupid! He might as well never drive a car, cross the road, go for a walk, fly in an airplane...s***, why not just stay in bed 24/7.

Its much different when the man is 15 yrs older than the woman. When WOGGLE's 45 she'll be 60 yrs old. Think about it for a while....

[hyakku]

I'm not going to sugarcoat the following at all.

 

Some of you have some f***ed up ideas about life in general.

 

First off, woggle, break it off. And then stop dating. I'm not joking. Until you learn how to handle this, just break it off, I don't wanna hear on the news about how some crazy bastard suspected his wife was cheating so he killed her and the kids when she was talking to her father on the phone or something. I don't care what anyone else says, you are becoming way to damn dangerous in your thinking, especially because you are obviously very weak when intoxicated.

 

Radiation, stop talking. Now. You are either a troll that has wayyy too much time on your hands, or really a psychotic bastard. "I can't touch a woman, she might hurt my feelings!" "Don't have sex ever, she might give you burn marks!!" Boo f***ing hoo. Get over it.

 

The person who said you must experience pain to live, thats kind of crazy. If you look at failure as a lesson, then its no longer pain, its another step closer to success.

 

Alot of you need a whole new f***ing set of beliefs, mindsets and paradigms, like ASAP. Really just go out pick up self help and dating self help books. Now.

 

Try:

 

The seven habits of highly effective people. - Stephen Covey

Double your Dating and Attraction isn't a choice - David Deangelo

David Deangelo's advanced and mastery series. Radiation you especially need this. now.

All of Anthony Robbins books.

The way of the superior man - David Deida

 

And just keep finding more. And keep finding more until your heads are finally straight again. Really.

 

Rad man...you need to get on this ASAP, you are really screwed up in the head, I'm not going to lie to you.

 

Woggle your not as bad, but if you let itk eep devouring at your core you are going to become just like radiation. Do you really want that?

 

I believe it was Helen Keller who said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing". And she was deaf, dumb and blind. You guys have gotten your feelings hurt in the past. If she can say that and be all that, PLUS a woman who you seem to think are such vile creatures, shouldn't you as men, the "greater and more sophisticated gender" be able to look at life as an adventure.

 

And in closing.

 

You two are being pansies. You are disgracing our gender. Please perform the following.

 

Take the hand you are dominate with.

Put that hands down your pants and past that fleshy piece of meat you have down there.

Feel around for the two round objects.

Grab those objects firmly.

Recognize that those are balls given to you for a reason.

Use them.

[johan]

Thanks for setting us all straight! We needed that!

[alphamale]

First off, woggle, break it off.

I agree 100%

 

Boo f***ing hoo.

 

Recognize that those are balls given to you for a reason.

Use them.

I think they're only good for inseminating women

[Art_Critic]

The thing I find unusual is that woogle is/was going to do to her the same thing that he is thinking she will do to him...leave him..

 

Are you the kind that will bail as a preemptive strike ? even though it means you are doing the same as you are afraid of ?

 

The other thing I find unusual is that she has not felt any of your faltering..

Women can sense a man on uneasy ground..

 

I think she has sensed it and is preparing for your eventual dumping.. that is why you are feeling this way more and more..

[Touche]

Art, you raised some good points. How could this woman not know what goes through his mind? It's such a BIG part of who he is, as we've all seen here. It's weird. I myself would NEVER marry someone like this. Never. He's got red flags all over the place. Maybe love really IS blind!

 

See, Woggle, she LOVES you!

[alphamale]

I think she has sensed it and is preparing for your eventual dumping.. that is why you are feeling this way more and more..

most females, being the smart and intuitive creatures they are, know that a relationship with a man 15 yrs her junior is not destined for seriousness. Its ok for casual fun but not long-term.

 

I call this the "Sex & the City Syndrome"

[radiation7740]

I'm not going to sugarcoat the following at all.

 

Some of you have some f***ed up ideas about life in general.

 

First off, woggle, break it off. And then stop dating. I'm not joking. Until you learn how to handle this, just break it off, I don't wanna hear on the news about how some crazy bastard suspected his wife was cheating so he killed her and the kids when she was talking to her father on the phone or something. I don't care what anyone else says, you are becoming way to damn dangerous in your thinking, especially because you are obviously very weak when intoxicated.

 

Radiation, stop talking. Now. You are either a troll that has wayyy too much time on your hands, or really a psychotic bastard. "I can't touch a woman, she might hurt my feelings!" "Don't have sex ever, she might give you burn marks!!" Boo f***ing hoo. Get over it.

 

The person who said you must experience pain to live, thats kind of crazy. If you look at failure as a lesson, then its no longer pain, its another step closer to success.

 

Alot of you need a whole new f***ing set of beliefs, mindsets and paradigms, like ASAP. Really just go out pick up self help and dating self help books. Now.

 

Try:

 

The seven habits of highly effective people. - Stephen Covey

Double your Dating and Attraction isn't a choice - David Deangelo

David Deangelo's advanced and mastery series. Radiation you especially need this. now.

All of Anthony Robbins books.

The way of the superior man - David Deida

 

And just keep finding more. And keep finding more until your heads are finally straight again. Really.

 

Rad man...you need to get on this ASAP, you are really screwed up in the head, I'm not going to lie to you.

 

Woggle your not as bad, but if you let itk eep devouring at your core you are going to become just like radiation. Do you really want that?

 

I believe it was Helen Keller who said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing". And she was deaf, dumb and blind. You guys have gotten your feelings hurt in the past. If she can say that and be all that, PLUS a woman who you seem to think are such vile creatures, shouldn't you as men, the "greater and more sophisticated gender" be able to look at life as an adventure.

 

And in closing.

 

You two are being pansies. You are disgracing our gender. Please perform the following.

 

Take the hand you are dominate with.

Put that hands down your pants and past that fleshy piece of meat you have down there.

Feel around for the two round objects.

Grab those objects firmly.

Recognize that those are balls given to you for a reason.

Use them.

 

Those books are a waste of time and money. Do you really think I'd be interested in reading or swallowing the garbage that is in those books? If you take those books as gospel or bible then your thinking is the one that is dangerous. It's better to let one's personal experience determine the outcome than somebody else's book. Those people who wrote those books are money hungry.

 

Afterall that's why there are different opinoins on this board about different issues. People will give their opinion based on their own past or present experiences.

 

By the way if you think I'm a troll then why do you even bother reading my posts? Just don't read my posts anymore or put me on ignore & I will disappear from your screen. You are not doing yourself any good by complaining about it. It won't change the fact that I'm still going to post here as I please.

[radiation7740]

I think woggle should just date exclusively for an indefinite period of time and never get married & never live with a woman. That's the best of both worlds.