johan Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 If this woman-hating thing is all there is to woggle, then how has he gotten what he describes as a fantastic woman to be interested in making a lifetime commitment? Does he have dual personalities? Is he really that good at masking this side of himself from her? Or is she really not that fantastic and actually more desperate? I don't know the answer. But I think he comes off as a big contradiction, and I don't know which version of him is the real one. I don't know enough about him to advise him on major life decisions. I don't know anything about her either. His are very repetitive, and he doesn't seem to make any progress in his thinking. If he really thinks the way he says, then I don't understand why he chooses to have any relationships at all.
luvtoto Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 If this woman-hating thing is all there is to woggle, then how has he gotten what he describes as a fantastic woman to be interested in making a lifetime commitment? Does he have dual personalities? Is he really that good at masking this side of himself from her? Or is she really not that fantastic and actually more desperate? I don't know the answer. But I think he comes off as a big contradiction, and I don't know which version of him is the real one. I don't know enough about him to advise him on major life decisions. I don't know anything about her either. His are very repetitive, and he doesn't seem to make any progress in his thinking. If he really thinks the way he says, then I don't understand why he chooses to have any relationships at all. That is exactly the feeling I got about it, also. Good post, Johan.
Outcast Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 then how has he gotten what he describes as a fantastic woman to be interested in making a lifetime commitment? Just because she's 'fantastic' according to him doesn't mean she's wise. They moved in together far too soon, IMHO. People with serious flaws/baggage/issues can manage to hide them fairly successfully for many months - and I'm betting that's exactly how it is that she's still there. But, as will happen always, the truth will finally out. I'm betting she never saw or knew this side of Wog and she's in for a very unpleasant surprise. However, they are only living together, thank heavens, and so while it will come as an awful shock to her, it will also be a lesson to stay out of someone's home until she's known him very well for at least a year. His are very repetitive, and he doesn't seem to make any progress in his thinking People who have experienced trauma and never get help often end up 'stuck' in one emotional phase beyond which they are unable to move. Until/unless Wog gets serious therapy, he will never be able to trust anyone female. I recommend a monastery.
Yamaha Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Woggle, You need to learn what it is truly to be a man. Loving someone is not a weakness to be discarded. Doing what you propose is weakness. You need to understand weakness before you can truly understand strength. Life is full of fears. Are you going to give in to yours?
johan Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Also my friend thinks I am getting soft and when i think about it I am. I think this is the most revealing comment. This and the other where the "friend" has talked sense into you. If you cannot be in a serious, committed relationship without getting embarrassed about it around your friends, regardless of what they say, then you don't know who you are or what you want in life. I agree: you are soft. A few words from a burned friend and you're driven to question yourself. That's most definitely soft. You care more about what this friend thinks of you than you do about what you think of yourself or what the supposed love of your life thinks. You're a pushover.
westernxer Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Perhaps Woggle should become an alcoholic, beat her ass, and cheat behind her back. Then maybe he'll win his friend's approval as one hard dude. Most guys I know (myself included) mellow out to a certain degree when they find a girl who's a keeper (as long as they don't get mushy, it's all good). The risk of mellowing out is getting dumped when you least expect it, but if you look at life as a series of challenges designed to test your character, you'll learn how to deal with it and move on, even if it takes awhile. Comfort zones are nice, but...
Sand&Water Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Perhaps Woggle should become an alcoholic, beat her ass, and cheat behind her back. Then maybe he'll win his friend's approval as one hard dude. I think that's the best option for him. The relationship is doomed, from the way you described it. In a few years, you'll be the one cheating on her. All the blame will be, of course, on her. Your insecurities get the best of you, Woggle. What happened to those good confident gentlemen? Sometimes, I wish life was like the 1940s/1950s.
climbergirl Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I think this is the most revealing comment. This and the other where the "friend" has talked sense into you. If you cannot be in a serious, committed relationship without getting embarrassed about it around your friends, regardless of what they say, then you don't know who you are or what you want in life. I agree: you are soft. A few words from a burned friend and you're driven to question yourself. That's most definitely soft. You care more about what this friend thinks of you than you do about what you think of yourself or what the supposed love of your life thinks. You're a pushover. I thought the same thing. Woggle, do you really think your 'friend' would have told you that you are 'soft' if he was in a happy relationship?? No way!-now he just wants a buddy to commiserate with him..........and that's pathetic. Even more pathetic that you are buying into it. Whatever. Do leave her. She deserves better than to be blindsided and bailed on whenever you get scared. From what I've read on your posts, she has always been there for you and this is what she gets?? Let her find a stable, supportive man who can reciprocate. Because that is what women want! The truly sad thing here is that I believe you do love her. What a waste.
Vertex Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 "Let her find a stable, supportive man who can reciprocate. Because that is what women want!" If only this were true Maybe I just have bad luck hahah. But no this thread makes me angry. This girl has been good to you and you are wanting to dump her for the lamest of reasons. I don't think there is much I can add to what hasn't already been said... but, do what is best for her.
climbergirl Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 ]"Let her find a stable, supportive man who can reciprocate. Because that is what women want!"[/b] If only this were true Maybe I just have bad luck hahah. But no this thread makes me angry. This girl has been good to you and you are wanting to dump her for the lamest of reasons. I don't think there is much I can add to what hasn't already been said... but, do what is best for her. V-(bad luck) wrong girl or wrong time:( -from reading your posts you are more mature for your age. Maybe at this time for you it's more of a curse than a blessing, but it'll catch up. Guar-an-teed! Maybe I should clarify more.......(30+ usually) emotional support means a whole helluva lot. Financial status means nothing if you aren't happy (referring to woggle's statement that women only want to 'get' stuff from men). I've been there and I know I'd rather be with someone who 'gets' me, and makes me laugh. This thread strikes a nerve........I guess that's why it's upsetting me. Woggle-I guess I don't get what you're looking for. She loves you, has been great through all the ex drama, and you admit how wonderful she is. If you love her in return.........I don't understand why you would want to throw it all away. Or, at the very least, talk to her about this. ???
Sand&Water Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 "Let her find a stable, supportive man who can reciprocate. Because that is what women want!" Not to hijack this thread, intentionally. It's good that you've brought this up. Do supportive men usually show signs of patience? Because, men who show considerable amount of patience are valued. Perhaps Woggle, you should be more patient. Patience strengthens love between two people, that's if you love her.
Author Woggle Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 I have come to my senses a bit more on this. When guys get together and start talking ideas start coming into our heads. We also had a few drinks and you know how that ends up. Truth be told she has been nothing but supportive and it is better off if I do keep her. Truth be told there is nothing she needs from me other than me because she can support herself so she is worth staying with.
luvtoto Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I have come to my senses a bit more on this. When guys get together and start talking ideas start coming into our heads. We also had a few drinks and you know how that ends up. Truth be told she has been nothing but supportive and it is better off if I do keep her. Truth be told there is nothing she needs from me other than me because she can support herself so she is worth staying with. That's good, woggle. Wouldn't want you to have regrets later in life. I mean, what if you dump her, she moves on, marries another man, and then *they* live happily ever after. That would suck to watch that happen, especially if it could have been you instead.
radiation7740 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 You don't need a partner in life to be happy. Singlehood is something that one can get used to. If woggle has truly found a keeper than she's an exception not the rule. I honestly don't think it's possible to dump someone and really regret it. With that said if the dumper asks to try again it's usually for the wrong reasons. By the way woggle if you feel that your fiancee is too good to be true then that's a red flag telling you to run fast. If it feels too good to be true then 99.9% of the time it is too good to be true. That is just one of the warning signs that the relationship is in trouble. Listen to your gut. It never lies to you. Fear will never lie to you.
climbergirl Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 You don't need a partner in life to be happy. Singlehood is something that one can get used to. If woggle has truly found a keeper than she's an exception not the rule. I honestly don't think it's possible to dump someone and really regret it. With that said if the dumper asks to try again it's usually for the wrong reasons. By the way woggle if you feel that your fiancee is too good to be true then that's a red flag telling you to run fast. If it feels too good to be true then 99.9% of the time it is too good to be true. That is just one of the warning signs that the relationship is in trouble. Listen to your gut. It never lies to you. Fear will never lie to you. Oh come on!.............next we're going to hear you saying woggle is getting 'soft'. Misery loves company. Woggle-IMO-wise decision on your part.
johan Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 By the way woggle if you feel that your fiancee is too good to be true then that's a red flag telling you to run fast. If it feels too good to be true then 99.9% of the time it is too good to be true. That is just one of the warning signs that the relationship is in trouble. Listen to your gut. It never lies to you. Fear will never lie to you. Courage is often a requirement in life. Cowardice buys you little, except missed opportunities and lost self respect. If your gut is continually squawking about stuff, then you must at some point figure it's crying wolf.
radiation7740 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Courage is not a requirement unless it's in a life or death situation such as people jumping out of burning buildings. In those cases yes people have no choice or they will burn to death. In the dating department you do have a choice.
johan Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Courage is not a requirement unless it's in a life or death situation such as people jumping out of burning buildings. In those cases yes people have no choice or they will burn to death. In the dating department you do have a choice. Ok, Superman. Keep yourself out of the gene pool if you want. Self-selection is also one of Darwin's theories.
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 As good as it is right now she is still a woman and a man never knows when a woman will up and leave. I believe that women don't truly love men but just love what they can get out of us. Women view men as toys to be used and discarded. I know she has an ulterior motive but I just can't figure it out yet and it is bugging the crap out of me. I don't want to spend my life wondering when she is going to finally walk out on me and if we have kids she will probably push me out of their lives. It just seems like to big a risk to me. You feel that way about woman, well not all women are like that, we feel the same way about men sometimes
norajane Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Courage is not a requirement unless it's in a life or death situation such as people jumping out of burning buildings. In those cases yes people have no choice or they will burn to death. In the dating department you do have a choice. You keep missing the point. If you try nothing, experience nothing, take no risks, do nothing, be nothing - you are NOT LIVING - you are merely existing.
Pyro Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 As good as it is right now she is still a woman and a man never knows when a woman will up and leave. I believe that women don't truly love men but just love what they can get out of us. Women view men as toys to be used and discarded. I know she has an ulterior motive but I just can't figure it out yet and it is bugging the crap out of me. I don't want to spend my life wondering when she is going to finally walk out on me and if we have kids she will probably push me out of their lives. It just seems like to big a risk to me. If you really feel this way about woman, why were you ever in this relationship to begin with? Every relationship that each of us enters is a big risk. I would rather take the risk of being hurt then just be bitter and hateful toward woman. It feels much better to be open minded.
climbergirl Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Courage is not a requirement unless it's in a life or death situation such as people jumping out of burning buildings. In those cases yes people have no choice or they will burn to death. In the dating department you do have a choice. Wrong. Courage is totally about choice. Jumping out of burning buildings is about desperation. Courage-quality of being brave: the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action.
radiation7740 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Most folks feel that it's better to love and lose than to never have loved at all. I don't believe that. After getting burned by a girl I think I'm worse off than had I never experienced love in the first place. Because if I never experience it then I won't miss anything and what I don't know can't hurt me. But the past is the past. If I could go back in time I would never have gotten involved in the dating department. I never said that I would never take risks. Some of you have missed my point. Just because I'm a bit hesitant about risking my heart & soul doesn't mean that I avoid risks in other departments of my life. We just happened to talk about the dating department. Heck I take risks everyday around here. I walk outside in a thunderstorm. There's a risk I'll get struck by lightning but it's very slim. The chances are alot slimmer than the chances of getting my heart broken again if I get involved in another relationship.
Pyro Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 I have come to my senses a bit more on this. When guys get together and start talking ideas start coming into our heads. We also had a few drinks and you know how that ends up. Truth be told she has been nothing but supportive and it is better off if I do keep her. Truth be told there is nothing she needs from me other than me because she can support herself so she is worth staying with. Some things in life are just worth the risks.
radiation7740 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Wrong. Courage is totally about choice. Jumping out of burning buildings is about desperation. Courage-quality of being brave: the ability to face danger, difficulty, uncertainty, or pain without being overcome by fear or being deflected from a chosen course of action. Well I like my comfort zone.
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