scooblz39 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 HI there: I cheated and am trying to figure out whether it is possible for us to have a 2nd chance. We have been seperated since Dec 2004. There were many factors that precluded what I did. Other factors also occurred. He had filed for divorce to stop me from refinancing the home. I had gotten sukered into a brief relationship with a co-worker. Something I had always held in regard that I would never ever do. Like I say "Do not dump the company pen in the company ink:. The man I was involved with was nothing more than a predator and manipulater. He was upper level management and I feel he took advantage of me at a particular point in my life. My life became a "MESS". I had filed a restraining order against my husband for what He had done or certain behavior he had done against my daughter his step-daughter. I was wondering whether or how it is possible for two people to move on from aa marriage that had become deceitful (I lied about many things) and it all ended up blowing up in my face. Others had gotten involved in the issues at hand and things have become a mess. Not long ago, he had given me a book "Divorce Prook your marriage and I could not figure all of that out. We have even visited the priest that married us and talked to him. I wanted to see whether anyone else had experienced something similar and does it work> How does one move to forgiveness and is it possible.
Curmudgeon Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Forgiveness is possible but, unfortunately, that doesn't mean the marriage is salvagable. The ex cheated and after a time I forgave her. I also divorced her. What does your husband think about the possibility? If ypou've both visited the priest, perhaps the fact that he was even willing to shows that all's not lost.
radiation7740 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 If you were my ex and you cheated on me no I would not take you back. I would never forgive you. My ex didn't even cheat on me & I still don't forgive her for leaving me.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 HI there: My life became a "MESS". I had filed a restraining order against my husband for what He had done or certain behavior he had done against my daughter his step-daughter. Why do you want to give him another chance? Sorry, but this would point out to me that you've already reached the point of no return.
radiation7740 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I hope your ex husband doesn't take you back. If he doesn't then you deserve it. You have to earn a 2nd chance. It can't be earned when there was cheating involved. I don't care if it only happened once.
sirjay Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 these replies are really negative, and i suspect motivated by personal events. in fact, marriage experts say that the one time when there may be a good chance for reconciliation is when there has been infidelity. google "affair" and reconcilation. an affair can be the turning point to fix a marriage and make it great again.
Spitkicker Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 well that's a positive way to look at things, but you can't beat experience. and everyone who has been cheated on have developed some serious trust issues... and most of the time these trust issues just can't be resolved. Especially if the SO is making a half hearted effort. The person that cheated has to go 100% for the other person. Meaning that they should act like they really want it and show that they really want it because if they don't then it's all just a front. Good luck to you...
Chump64 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Very negative responses, indeed. It's possible to have a second chance, but you need to be 100 percent honest with him about everything, an open book. You need to keep no secrets. If your past lies involved cell phones, emails, etc., give him all your passwords. Be remorseful (and sincere) for what you've done in the past. Don't make excuses about how you ended up in that situation (the predatory co-worker, etc.). You are an adult and you made choices. Making excuses will only make it sound like you are minimizing your misdeeds. You have to want this person for ever. You can't play games or tell any more lies. Basically, you have to grovel for a while and show you are completely willing to do almost anything. After some time, the playing field will level and you two will be equal. Does your ex want you back? Marriage counseling should be a definite part of your lives. My husband and I (18 years) are tryin to see if we can recover from his long term affair (10 years).
Chump64 Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 an affair can be the turning point to fix a marriage and make it great again. This is a rare occurrence, however.
daphne Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 If you were my ex and you cheated on me no I would not take you back. I would never forgive you. My ex didn't even cheat on me & I still don't forgive her for leaving me. Radiation, It sounds like you're very young. You have a very lonely life ahead of you if you never forgive those that disappoint you. You are human too you know. Don't you deserve forgivness when you screw up? Or you do and no one else? Self righteous people end up alone my friend.
radiation7740 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Radiation, It sounds like you're very young. You have a very lonely life ahead of you if you never forgive those that disappoint you. You are human too you know. Don't you deserve forgivness when you screw up? Or you do and no one else? Self righteous people end up alone my friend. No I do not deserve forgiveness when I screw up. I rarely ask for it. I rarely give it too. If I've done something wrong I try to make restitution wherever possible instead of asking for forgiveness.
daphne Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 Some of us do deserve forgiveness. Your views are entirely too black and white. Instead of moving on and learning from your broken relationship, you think you are punishing the rest of women by refusing to get involved again. You are naive. You are punishing yourself. Fortunately though, since you are so bitter you are saving another girl from the baggage that you continue to carry. I understand you, I think we've all been where you are. I just believe that you have a lot of maturing to endure. Just because you didn't get what you want doesn't mean it's all bad. It's too bad that the lessons you chose to take from your experience are so negative.
radiation7740 Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Some of us do deserve forgiveness. Your views are entirely too black and white. Instead of moving on and learning from your broken relationship, you think you are punishing the rest of women by refusing to get involved again. You are naive. You are punishing yourself. Fortunately though, since you are so bitter you are saving another girl from the baggage that you continue to carry. I understand you, I think we've all been where you are. I just believe that you have a lot of maturing to endure. Just because you didn't get what you want doesn't mean it's all bad. It's too bad that the lessons you chose to take from your experience are so negative. I didn't say that I intended to punish all women. I'm only allowing my ex to live with the consequences of her decisions. Maybe next time with the next guy she'll be more careful about breaking it off so she doesn't make a decision she'll regret. She wanted me back and I told her no. If I took her back then she would get the illusion that she could just walk away whenever she wants to without reprecussions. So you talk about learning lessons from a relationship. This is a lesson for her to understand that if she breaks up and regrets it a couple months later that the guy may not want to take her back. Of course she has a right to break up with anyone she wants to but she better be sure that's what she wants next time.
daphne Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 Read your posts. You don't want to get involved with anyone. You have a sour grapes attitude. I don't blame you for not wanting your ex back. I wouldn't take her back either if i was you. But your attitude about people making mistakes is very negative. And I can assure you, you are not perfect. I think you limit yourself with your negativity. You are carrying too much baggage. Hopefully it's just temporary. However, somehow I don't think so and if you take it with you to your next relationship (and you probably will have anothr at some point) it's doomed for failure. The only reason I bring it up is because I read your posts some time ago and I felt bad that you were still so angry. It just seems so self defeating. You won. She came back. If you were smart you'd wash your hands and realize that someone better is out there waiting instead of being angry.
sirjay Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 an affair can be the turning point to fix a marriage and make it great again. This is a rare occurrence, however. Based on what statistics?
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