andyp6 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 All, what you won't know about me is that I travel with my job, which has been part of the break up outlined on other threads. Some of you know I've initiated NC now for a few days. I've just arrived after a long flight from the UK in Tokyo for a weeks work. I checked my mail and received the below from the ex: >>>>>>>>>>>>>> I sit here in front of a blank screen not really knowing what to say to you, there has been a silence between us for days now and I feel quite empty not knowing how you are, and despite the fact that I am trying to move on from recent events. I find myself thinking of how we were, what we had, and how sad life can be when love is broken. I still feel very angry and I don’t know why, possibly that my love for us was screwed up in front of me like a piece of paper and thrown somewhere, where? I don’t make any sense…. I know that, what is in me is all jumbled up right now, how I feel, where am i going ?. That’s my problem I know that, you have yours to deal with, and I think you are probably doing a much better job of it than me. I don’t intend to upset or hurt you anymore than already done, and I hate the situation more than you for many reasons, I just want to have some communication with you, can or will you mail me? If not then I understand. I still care despite my behaviour. >So sorry x >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> OK...analysis.... She still cares, is not sure what she wants, still feels sadness over the break up, still has love inside for me..... Please can I have some advice on how to respond. I want to mail back. In fact I want to call her but that's not the best idea. Those of you who have read my posts know i want her back, I even cried on the plane over here at one point...feeling very low and alone. I don't want to overdo it, dont want to pressurise, but want her to know I'm here, love her, and want her. Advice please?!!!!!
garnet Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 you should definitely not call her. If you decide to email her back, I wouldn't do it right away. You should respond only after you've had some time to really think about it so that your emotions don't take over. Make sure you're approaching this with a clear head and in the right frame of mind.
Pantero Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 My suggestion on how to deal with what's going on: Open up a blank Word document, or grab a pen and a blank piece of paper. Take your time, be alone, and write your heart out. Do whatever it takes to get all those emotions you're feeling out into type or written paper. DO NOT SHOW IT TO ANYONE OR SEND IT TO HER. It's free association writing. Pour your heart out as if the computer you're tapping away on is her. But, whatever you do - DON'T SEND IT TO HER. After you're done. Take your time. I know you're out for work, but maybe get some R&R in - as hard as it may seem. I know this will be tough being how you're in a foreign country, don't really know anyone, and all you can think about is this. But, like the above poster said - don't jump back into it with your emotions doing the talking for you at this point. Once you've "cleansed" yourself on paper - take a few days; how ever long you think you'll need and then re-read it. The feelings on her side, as per the text, still seem very strong, but from your last thread - YOU do not want to get back into that tug of war again. That's all. I really can't tell you what to write back to her. My first reaction would be to text back a torrent of emotion, BUT doing that...I dunno if it may help, man. Good luck and Godspeed, bro. It's Hell. We all know.
westernxer Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 She just gave you the upper hand... don't throw it away on useless communication, at least until you hear something encouraging. Everything she wrote you is garbage.
Author andyp6 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 I still have the letter I wrote but didn't send, last week, at home taking the time to think about it and not letting my emotions run away..GOOD advice, thanks. I nearly did mail straight back but thought for a while, then posted. I've probably been over-analysing the mail, hung up on the "trying to move on" phrase and probably reading more into it than was meant...I know she's seen someone else. I'm thinking to suggest just to mail each other for the next week, not everyday but just to keep the flow going. Also to write down to her from my perspective why I think she feels angry and the way she does...what went wrong what went right...concentrating on the right..but from less of an emotional perspective, just facts, to allow her to remember the good times.... I'm not sure about this bit but it's also in my head to say to her to start again, totally, to start dating as if it's the first time, to help her through the confusion in her mind, to help her realise that the factors that caused the break up are gone...all bar 1 has gone and that 1 factor is under my control now, rather than me being manipulated by the ex wife. Once she sees this in her mind then she can make a decision ... maybe this isn't in the first mail but the next, I dunno. i want to tell her that shes not alone, I'm in hell too, that the place where her love has gone is in her grasp and can be reached. She has to work out for herself though where she is going...and to do that i want to tell her the differences in me that this break up has caused, that the breakdown I suffered and an coming out of has given me a new perspective, hence those issues having been resolved...under my control and damn quick too! Thoughts?
Author andyp6 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 I don't think it's garbage, I think shes confused, sad, feeling low and lost. I want to be there for her.
westernxer Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I think shes confused, sad, feeling low and lost. That's obvious, but's how is being there for her going to help you get over this? She's playing to your sympathies, while you're still vulnerable yourself. She's better off hanging out with family/friends.
Author andyp6 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 If i had any friends or family around me I can turn to......
westernxer Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Traveling is hard, especially when you're alone. No wonder rockers turn to drugs.
Author andyp6 Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 OK I spend 2 hours drafting an e mail, redrafting and changing. It's done now. Maybe I sent it too soon, I don't know...I know her and she will be checking mail as soon as she wakes. I was pretty objective about what went right and wrong and a simple statement that I want to make her hopes and dreams come true as they are mine too, was the only real comment about wanting her back. I said that I think her getting into a new relationship will make her feel worse, rebound, and she should take some time to think. I told her I think that the love isn't lost, just lost it's focus. I also left the way open for her to answer. It did help me if I'm honest, to do that. Ok it may not bring her back to me but being objective about the break up and telling her was good for me anyway. Thanks for the help guys!
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