kellyp1 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I met a guy about 4 weeks ago on the East Coast through my work's other branch. We hit it off immediately and were working on a project together via phone, email and IM after I returned to the West Coast. It felt so natural and fun and exciting just to talk about life and rely on each other to get our respective parts done. When we got to meet up again last week at an event our company was doing, the sparks flied even more than the first time we met. We kind of flirted back and forth (in between our respective roles on the project) and on the 2nd night there, ended up making out. The rest of the time (we were there for a week) we hung out like we were dating, had several no-barriers-up conversations, ended up sleeping together and had a very emotional goodbye. He told me it could not end like that and we are making plans to visit each other soon. I am leaving the company very soon (in the month of June) so the fact that we work together is not an issue. So, since then, I can't tell you how torn I am about this. He is like no guy I have ever met, I can't get him out of my head (and I really need to focus on tying up the loose ends at my work), and I have never had a man have this effect on me. I cried on the plane on the way home as I remembered him telling me as he was holding me for the last time how much getting close to me had meant to him and that he was going to come see me. It feels more right then anything I have ever experienced (and I was engaged to be married years ago) but the challenge of geographic distance between us seems crazy to me along with a 10 year age difference (me being the older one). How will I know if he is the one and be able to figure out if we should try this long distance dating thing? I know opportunities will come up for both of us to date other people.
norajane Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 3000 miles distance and 10 years apart in age...not likely to be a forever relationship, though I'm sure you can hold on to the fantasy for a while. LDR is really tough, but when you are also in different life stages, it's really almost impossible.
Author kellyp1 Posted May 30, 2006 Author Posted May 30, 2006 I let go yesterday but it really has to be the 2nd hardest feeling of sadness I have ever had in my life (the other was a family member death). To let go of someone that you know is a kindred spirit really sucks. He was awesome, even told me that he just could not move to California right now since he had just bought a new place there (I hadn't asked but he had already been thinking about it) and taken on this job a month ago. But I am a firm believer that if something was ever meant to be, the opportunity would come back around at a better life time for the parties involved. Still, I have a deep sadness now that I need to shake...
Hitman10000 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 You just experienced..."Vacation Relationship" (even though it wasn't a vacation, but try to get the gist of it?) It's when women or men (but particularly women since they are more likely to be vulnerable going off in a foreign place) Do you know what happens to women when they are vulnerable, they want to latch on to the strongest male they see. So the relationship lasts almost as long as the vacation is, and when the vacation ends, so does the relationship. Think of it as an extended one night stand and keep this as an experience, I'm very certain this sort of thing will happen to you again rarely or never. I want you to understand what you experienced was not true love, or love. But pure lustful infatuation based on your vulnerabilities being in a foreign place where the strongest male paid attention to you. I know this because you are talking to a man who has witnessed this in international hostels or tourist areas.
Guest Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 She met him weeks prior to hooking up and seems to have a valid connection though, even though the age difference is the red flag to me.
Author kellyp1 Posted May 31, 2006 Author Posted May 31, 2006 It is more than vacation hookup. We knew each other for a month prior and the connection is more than physical. We will attempt to remain friends because the bond we feel with each other is like nothing either one of us has experienced. The excitement has to do with both our similarities and our differences. But I think I will wonder what could have been for quite some time.... And besides, I travel a lot for work, have never, would never just hookup with a stranger. I was in Maryland, not a foreign land, and am a confident woman that does not try to associate with the strong male of the pack. We are not all savages here...
Outcast Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 I wouldn't let a silly thing like distance stand in the way. Extraordinary people are rare and shouldn't just be tossed away. In this electronic age, someone across the continent is not that different from someone a room away other than it takes longer to go give them a kiss. I'm glad you decided to stay in touch. You never know what time will bring.
Author kellyp1 Posted May 31, 2006 Author Posted May 31, 2006 I have this feeling you are right. He was telling me today he felt like we were both old souls and had this deeper connection than normal life could explain. I may never get the chance to be with him due to us being at different places in our life but at the same time, I feel like I can't be without him either. You never know what the next fork in the road will bring but thank you for the fact that you can still see possibilities. Sometimes I feel like I am sometimes too open to the extraordinary but you have made me feel more ok about it.
Author kellyp1 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Posted June 3, 2006 So, work is sending me to the east coast office one last time before I leave and I am going up a day early to spend Sunday with him. We are just visiting as friends that really care about each other and I have really encouraged him to get out there and enjoy life. So we agreed there could be no physical actions between us to maintain our friendship and allow for both of us to move on for now. With that said, I was paying for a hotel one night and then work was picking up the rest. Now, he has invited me to stay in his room so I do not have to pay. I am disciplined that I can sleep on the couch no problem but to be honest, I would really feel the sadness that I could not be with him at that point. It is only 1 night that I would be with him (Saturday) and I don't arrive until 10 PM. I think it could be ok but the connection between us is so strong, I don't want to be back at the point I was when I first made the post. Thoughts?
Walk Posted June 3, 2006 Posted June 3, 2006 In my experience, second chances don't come back around. You pick up the gauntlet at the time it's handed to you, or you let life slip by you. Then you live the rest of your life wondering what could've been. But that's just my experience. Sometimes there are distances and problems that can't be overcome, or shouldn't be depending on the circumstances. As long as you made the best decisions you could at the time, and know you can look back without regret, then it's probably the best decision. Even if things don't always have the best outcomes, I've found that the experience (in hindsight) was worth the price paid. This might set you back to square one, or it might be the time of your life, and some great memories that you can look back on and smile. But it depends on what you want out of life right now. How much can you risk, and how much can you emotionally handle without becoming a basket case? If you feel that you can have a good time with him, possible have some heartaches in the process, but come out of it a more fulfilled person, then go for it. If you think this will push you over the brink and damage you, then don't do it. Anyway, That's my thoughts on the subject.
Author kellyp1 Posted June 3, 2006 Author Posted June 3, 2006 You are very right. I live other parts of my life as seize the day so I guess it was odd for me to even hesitate on this. He just means so much to me that I don't want to mess it up. I am opting to commit to the couch the second I get there and hopefully that will be fine. Will post when I return...
Author kellyp1 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Posted June 7, 2006 I was way off base and had an amazing time with him. We had the talk prior about moving on and maintaining our friendship but when we got there, that was quickly dashed. The connection is so great between us from spending a day doing silly stuff which involved driving around for about 6 hours doing it to him making dinner and us not being able to control ourselves around one another. He is amazing to me in spite of the age and geographic challenges. I don't know what will happen next and for once, I am ok with that. I never imagined a man like him in my life but now I can't imagine him not being there. As a lifelong friend or more but at least being there. Walk - thanks for the reminder to me that life is short.
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