Author stillhere Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 Yeah, and he's got a lot more of that. He owns about 400 or more acres in the same general area. That's where he spends all his extra money, buying land. Smart, very smart. They aren't making any more land! And that's my point, i don't even own my little $45,000 house, i'm beyond broke, and the bank owns everything i got. Why would he want to start all over? I don't think i would if i was 40.
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Yeah, and he's got a lot more of that. He owns about 400 or more acres in the same general area. That's where he spends all his extra money, buying land. Smart, very smart. They aren't making any more land! And that's my point, i don't even own my little $45,000 house, i'm beyond broke, and the bank owns everything i got. Why would he want to start all over? I don't think i would if i was 40. Well now I guess it all comes down to what he's willing to do to be with you. He's not gonna lose it all! He's not gonna lost all of that!! As Karis' little subtitle says, "If a man wants to be with you, he will move mountains" or something to that effect. so what if he has a little less. What's he gonna do with 400 acres?? He can sell some of it and makes heaps of money!
Author stillhere Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 You're helping me come up with lots of questions to ask him tomorrow. Thank you. I guess i need to see the big picture through anothers eyes sometimes. I'm so caught up with what's going on, i don't take a step back and take it all in. He is truely an awesome guy, i wish i could go tonight to that wedding, just to see him. But i know it's best for me to stay away. Either he'll be upset to see me talking and flirting with other guys, or i'll spend the night in the bathroom crying. Either way, bad outcome. Not worth it.
Author stillhere Posted May 29, 2006 Author Posted May 29, 2006 I don't know if i can do this NC, i can't even talk to him half the time. I get so excited to see him, i just want him to hold me. He called me last night after the wedding. He missed me, and wished he could have seen me there. Then, at 5 this morning, he came and crawled in bed with me. I was so happy to wake up and see him, that i forgot everything i wanted to say. He left when his brother called to say he was on his way over. This sucks! When he called last night, i damn near had a heart attack. He has never called me that late before. You should have seen me dive for that phone! I have his ringtone set to "Your Man" by Josh Turner, so i new it was him immediately. I wish i could have seen the look on my face. I turn to jello when i hear his voice or see him. I know what needs to be done, i've got to talk to him. But i can only do it on the phone because i just want to revel in the fact that he's right there in front of me, and that he's mine for that short amount of time.
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 You're allowing yourself to get caught up in the good feelings. Is it worth afew hours of feeling good? You're selling yourself short by saying for that "short amount of time he's yours..." Is it worth it?
Author stillhere Posted May 29, 2006 Author Posted May 29, 2006 I know, I know. I'm stupid. My head realizes all this, but my heart has selective hearing. Every day he does something different than he normally would. Or says something i never thought he would. Like saying he would have left if it wasn't for me. Damn near hit the floor with that statement. He always told me he would never leave. I never knew that it was really that bad at home. He always told me that things were fine and that he didn't know why he pursued me. I'm just thinking that he is falling more and more in love with me, and that he is slowly making his way out the door. Not a day goes by that we don't talk. If he tells me he's going to call and can't, he'll call me while he's at home to tell me that he can't talk, so i'm not sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. I just want this to go faster. I think he will leave. I'm not sure if it's with me still in his life, or if it will be after me. That's what i'm trying to figure out. He doesn't know what would happen if she caught him. I told him that i thought she would leave him. I told him that i would never try it though, i don't want to hurt her (as if i'm not right now, she just doesn't know it). He told me that she bends over backwards for him, and he bends over backwards for me. I'm scared of going NC. I know it's what's best, but i don't want to lose him just in case it backfires. I think he'll feel like i deserted him, when i'm the one he turns to. He's not an emotional guy, but when it comes to us taking a break or what not (we've discussed it) i've heard his voice break and knew he had tears in his eyes. And he told me no, no break. He wants me and needs me in his life. How could i walk away from that?
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 He is TELLING you this stuff, but not doing anything different in action. Remember that, k! He's so used to having TWO women in his life, both of you are fulfilling all his needs, so when one isn't there now to DO that for him, he FEELS the loss. He can't and won't want to be without you or his wife. He needs you both to keep himself feeling good and happy. Hope that makes sense. Only way to break that pattern is to back off and detach yourself from him. Just do it and do it because he's killing your heart and it's not fair. Do it because you deserve better. Not because you're making a point to him, or wanting him to chase you more. NC is for you to heal, to work on yourself. Have fun and be with people and friends who really truly LOVE you and respect you. He "wants" .. He "needs"...That's child talk. I WANT I WANT I WANT> I NEED I NEED I NEED...Waaa waaa...He's a grown man who has been selfish and having TWO women in his life. He's gotten used to that and doesn't want it that cushy lifestyle to end.
Author stillhere Posted May 29, 2006 Author Posted May 29, 2006 WWIU How do i go NC with him then. I work with him and there is absolutely no way to avoid him. NONE! It will break my heart every time i see him. And i can not and will not quit my job. I love my job, and it's hard to find a job you truely can say you love.
eyeswideshut Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 still here. I am a lot like you. My MM makes me swoon! But if you want him, and i know you do, you also want a man who you can admire in the long run. Do you admire what he is doing right now? Lying to his wife? trying to pull the wool over her eyes? I have the advantage of having tons of men calling me and making plans with me. And the advantage of not being dependant on his calls because we never were on the phone more than once a week. I have the advantage of my friends who know about my situation and who take me out all the time. And all the wonderful caring people on LS. So basically, stillhere, we need to come up with a plan. A concrete NC plan. Something we do for ourself not for him. This is my plan. I am NOT responding to his emails ever!!! (ie TPP) I am going to tell myself that for every phone call from him, (that I am home for, because I am never home), I will only answer when I planned to. (every ten days) I know, it's a bit chicken, but I have to make it past the one week mark. And to me, it's a question of me being in control. For you, maybe it can be something like, only answer after the third day he's phoned. When I started going into slow NC, he realized it. He left a message saying: I feel you are distancing yourself this week, but I understand. This was two months ago. I am distancing myself bit by bit, but I think for him, it's helpful because I am giving him the luxury of knowing, it's only bit by bit. I wish I had the strenght to do a whole month and shake him up a bit. But he's a friend, and I really care for his well-being more than mine right now (because of his brothers death, loss of job, and tension w/W) but the ultimate test for me, is to NOT be around, when his wife leaves town for three weeks in June. That will kill him. Because he is co-dependant. He needs so much attention. But I will do it nicely, telling him I'm doing this for him. and for respect for his wife. I feel for his wife. You know what he tells her? He makes her so crazy she ends up saying things like: I want to smack you. and then she apologizes for it the next day. She is sooo strong. Going to dance practice every night for her big show, and she's like a total star. She comes home and he's distant. She hardly gets any sleep. She is supporting him financially right now. Working all day. And what does he do? He goes out with his friends every night, or invites them over, and tells her she's never there for him. No wonder! And she's so nice, she doesn't even have sex, (they haven't had sex since two Februarys ago) but doesn't question it because she "doesn't want to pressure him, and doesn't want to rock the boat." What a freaking bastard he is to his wife. I told him today: You are preventing her from living her life and receiving the love she really deserves. Plus, she wants children. But you don't with her. You'll have to tell her that one day so she won't be wasting precious years. And she's giving free Tango lessons to all his friends. And she's helping him cope with his brother's death. And all her friends are there for him and his father. He'll get fat from all that cake eating.
Author stillhere Posted May 29, 2006 Author Posted May 29, 2006 I can make one phone call and have a man here, right now if i wanted. My problem, other men don't appeal to me!!! My friend wants me to go out every weekend, but i don't go. She complains because she says that he hates it when i go out (he doesn't, he tells me it's good for me to get out). But i don't want to go out. I don't revolve my life around him or his calls. He calls my cell, which i always have with me. I'm never home either. I'm trying to concentrate on me and my daughter. And she will always come first, regardless. In a way, i'm single part time, and have a bf part time. When i'm with him, i concentrate on him, and when he's not here, i concentrate on me. I'm going through a divorce at the moment, so i'm kind of enjoying the "just me part" when i can. My time alone allows me to think about what's going on and to try and sort things out. That was a lot harder when i had an annoying H constantly asking what was wrong and wanting to talk about my feelings that i was not willing to share with him. I guess i just have a lot going on, and i don't want to open another can of worms. I want him to be with me and only me, but in a way, i'm willing to take this ride for a little while longer because i'm not totally back on my feet yet with everything else that is going on.
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