Waiting A Week To Call

[lovebug80]

Hi, I'm new here. I stumbled upon this site as I was desparately waiting for somone that I really care about to call. Here's my story:

 

When we met he seemed stunned, shocked, a little mesmerized and at a loss for words when he first saw me. After that it was a series of small hellos when we passed eachother. He would get nervous and clumsy whenever he would see me. And one day I looked up and our eyes met, a very intense gaze that neither of us could break until seconds later. He often had a total loss for words and mind-freeze whenever he had to speak to me. When he felt more comfortable he would look at me with a very intense gaze where his eyes just widened and seemed to take me in, very penetrating. He touched me and looked as if he felt a shiver of butterflies. Wherever I go he is there. And I always catch him staring. His friends clue him in whenever they see me and he in turn follows to see if we could meet up. He has made attempts to get close to my friends, encouraged me to open up my feelings to him when I'm having a bad day and has even told his friends about me and asked them to see for themselves. He seems to know when I'm down and cares to bring it up the next time he sees me. I could go on and on....... We have known eachother for a few months now.

 

After him being too shy to make the first move after months of feeling this way I took the initiative and gave him my phone number. However, it's been six days that he hasn't called. But my feelings are deeper and I do feel as if it is a breakup and rejection. The last time I saw him and gave him my number was the last time that we would ever see eachother again and be in the same area. I do not have his number so if he does not call I will never see him again. I just don't know what to do with the feelings that have developed over so many months for this person. And I just cannot understand how he can pull a total 180 and be so cold and reject me like this. Maybe he's just too shy or nervous but the fact remains that it hurts and hurts an awful lot.

 

I guess all I can hope for is the possibility that maybe he is just really nervous and waiting a week to call. He is older than I am, he's in his 40's and I'm in my 20's, so I'm guessing that maybe he does things differently. Maybe he would be the type to wait a week to call. I don't know, but I did see a thread where a girl waited a week to call because she was nervous. I guess all I can do is hope. It sure would be satisfying to hear if anyone else had any one-week stories.

[Solachica]

Maybe he wants to call you but doesn't know how to make tht first call.

From wht you said he seems pretty shy.

[Lovegod]

I guess all I can hope for is the possibility that maybe he is just really nervous and waiting a week to call.

 

This is what pisses me off about today's men, they're a bunch of shy little boys.

 

I'm guessing he's just nervous as hell about calling you. Give him a couple of weeks, and if you hear nothing, forget about him.

[lovebug80]

Thanks

The rules are sooooo confusing when it comes to dating. I have to say that a lot of people seem to be split down the middle with the whole issue of "how many days to call". But, after going through the whole process of waiting I must say that I have purged a ton of emotions over this situation. If nothing more I can atleast say that I've handled things in a mature and rational way. I did cry a bit..... because he means so much to me..... but only to get things out of my system. Still...there is this part of me that is so terribly baffled as to why someone who feels so strongly would do this. I can only imagine the number of possibilities until I've reached my limit of days to wait. I can only hope that he really believes in waiting a week to call. But worse yet is the possibility that he might have lost the number.

[SingleandHatingIt]

Hey lovebug,

Yeah, that sounds crazy -- and you knew the guy for two months? I know how you're feeling though -- on the one hand, you really care about him and have hope; on the other, you think it's pretty ignorant of him not to call and wonder if he's really worth it.

 

Just last weekend, I met a gorgeous girl at my brother's wedding. She was flirting with me all night, even ended cuddling up next to eachother in my hotel room. I mean, she made it obvious that she was into me, so I asked her out the next morning. She said sure, asked for my # and said not worry, because she'd call. Maybe she was just a good flirt, or she knew that I was shy and had to initiate something. But I haven't heard back from her since. Mind you, it's been years since I've been with someone and I don't get out much, so when I meet someone like that it's hard not to keep your hopes up.

 

The point is that it doesn't make any sense. The reality of being with that person does not translate into the reality of not calling. You start thinking "what did I do wrong, or how can people just change their minds so suddenly?"

 

In your case, do you feel that you made it obvious that you were interested in him? Because with us shy guys, lol, you really have to initiate something. Even then we might still second guess ourselves. It's too bad you didn't ask for his # also, that would've said something a little more. I don't know, so reply back

[Grrlish]

Well, you don't say where you were bumping into this guy - at work, in a bar?

 

You don't say what you two talked about and how many times you bumped into each other.

 

You don't say why you're not going to be in the same area anymore, or if he knew that you were leaving (or whatever will be keeping you away).

 

He may still call sometime.

 

If you're a distance from him, maybe he doesn't want to deal with that.

 

Maybe he's bothered by the age difference.

 

Maybe he's in a relationship and just never mentioned it to you so that he could continue talking to you on a certain level.

 

 

But...how can it be a 'breakup and a rejection' if you two have never been on a date? I mean, he's never even called you? If you were bumping into him in a bar or something like that, it may have been a 'bar friendship' for him.

[lovebug80]

Hey all, yeah.... I know I didn't put any info but I thought I was writing too much as it was and didn't want to fill up the whole screen. I wrote another post about it: "Maybe My No-Show Is On Vacation?"

 

But o.k..... here it goes:

We've known eachother for close to 6 months now. He's a professor at a college that I was taking courses at. So we've been spending quite some time together on a weekly basis since we had such close access to eachother. But the problem was that he or I could never really push out the actual words of "Hey I like you; maybe we should get together on a more personal level". Our interaction was always more of him pursuing me, watching me from outside the room, touching me on purpose. Making attempts to wait for me when class was over, he was not my professor for the class I was taking but just worked in one of the nearby rooms. He was the one doing all the pursing even though he was still shy and nervous. He would wait for me after class because we would both leave at the same time; but I would always chicken out and so would he. we had to work our way to do a lot of things that normal people who are in some sort of relationship do like talking to eachother. It took us weeks before we could even carry on a normal conversation because we were both so nervous, shaking, and stuttering. So you could imagine how nerve racking getting together at the end of the day was for us. And one time he waited for me outside of the building. When I saw him I just smiled and walked toward him but all he could say was "Bye Beautiful". It was a really big step for him and me for that matter. Anyway, the whole time that all of this is going on neither of us could actually express verbally that we cared for one another; but we could express it physically and non-verbally, etc. It's just something you know, and it's a relationship without all the formalities. In the end our feelings grew more intense. But I do have to admit that I was having difficulty with classes and he might have thought it was him but I thought that I made it clear that it wasn't. Anyway, the last day of the semester I spoke with him and he was asking if I would take more classes in his department because I guess he wanted to see me again. But I just told him that I didn't know what I was going to do because I didn't really understand at the time what he was trying to ask me. So........ I just gave him my number instead. He seemed really surprised and excited, because I guess he thought that I was just going to walkaway without ever saying anything to him or giving him any contact information. When I walked away he said "Goodbye beautiful". And that was it; I've been waiting ever since. I'm new to the whole dating thing because the last relationship I was in came from a friendship that I was in, no formal dating rules there.

 

Although I do have to mention that today I decided to contact the professor whose class I was in who also knows him. So.........if chances are that he actually did lose my number I'm hoping that she will give him my email adress if they ever talk. I'd feel way too embarrassed to go and see him if chances are that I actually was REJECTED. So that's the story ..... very long. And I'm actually feeling much better today now that i've had some time to talk about it.

[lovebug80]

This was from the other post I wrote:

 

Alright, a few things dawned on me as I was doing anything to avoid waiting for this guy to call. He's a professor at a college. I gave him my number during the time the Spring sememster ended for him; his last week of vacation from work before the summer semester begins in which he has to work extra days. So I starting thinking that he may be waiting a week to call during his vacation time and after Memorial day, on Tuesday, when he has to go back to work. Especially if he's been looking forward to his vacation off and/or has already planned something. I was taking courses there too so maybe he thinks I'm also on vacation. I also remember him asking if I was going to take more courses in his deparment, kind of like wishful thinking on his part, before he knew that I was going to give him my number. When I did give him my number he looked really happy and said "Goodybe Beautiful", something he always use to call me. He was always the one to initiate things that's why I'm still waiting. What do you guys think?

[Solachica]

For a Professor who can lecture in front of students he's rather shy in talking to you isn't he?

If you two started dating woun't tht cause some problems with him being a lecturer in same Department tht you are a student off?

[lovebug80]

No..... I only took the one course from his department. I don't plan on taking any more, especially if he stands me up, which it already looks like he has (Yesterday has made one week since last Saturday when I gave him my number). Anyway..... I'm feeling better no matter what the circumstance. Either way he's a jerk for leading me on. If nothing else I hope he knows the pain he caused me. He's a Jerk!

[Solachica]

Wht happens if this jerk..as you call him.. calls you to arrange a date?

[phyrespryte]

Wow! You're situation sounds almost like mine.

 

I think this guy likes you, but for some reason something is holding him back. Could be that he's shy or there's another woman or he's got crappy social skills or he's just a flaky person.

 

I think that there's two things you can do.

1. Decide that he's too much of a wimp for your tastes and move on.

2. Go find him and ask him out.

 

I think 1 is a great choice, but I personally went for 2. We went out it was fun and then nothing. I still see him around and his eyes always light up when he sees me. And he always tries to talk to me. He just hasn't made another move. I think he's expecting me to keep asking him out. pleh.

 

So I'm thinking this guy of yours...he might be one of those annoying guys. The ones that you have to do all the work for. So you decide if it's worth the effort.

[lovebug80]

[COLOR=#333333][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#333333][FONT=Verdana]I was thinking about what one of you guys said about the girlfriend thing.......... I don't think he had a girlfriend because he kept telling his friends, other members of the faculty, about me. And they were the ones who were trying to get us together, always telling him where I would be so he could supposedly, "accidentally" bump into me. And everytime they would see me they would smile at me with a sweet smile. I mean these were his friends too and if he was in a relationship they wouldn't have condoned it, because he told more than one of his friends. Plus I don't think they would have looked at me so sweetly if he did have a girlfriend. His friends actually thought what was happening between us was pretty cute. Some of his friends even treated me as if I was his girlfriend, like a real special person in his life. And they knew that when I came to talk to him that he would drop everything else and that they would have to excuse us because we needed time alone. I don't know.......... it just sort of hurts to think of him having someone else. I hope it's not true and it's not the reason he hasn't called me. I just wouldn't want to know. But I really hope and don't think that he does have one. Plus, he really looked and seemed to be living the single, bachelor life anyway.

 

But I did think of one possibility...... Maybe he's taking the week off for himself since this would be his last vacation off from school before the Summer sememster begins for him and he has to work extra days. Either that or he lost my number. I guess I'm just hoping those are the possibilites and still don't know when to give up waiting. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#333333][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=#333333][FONT=Verdana]The thing is……………….. he is two people to me right now. The first person I can only imagine would be a jerk who has stood me up and has played me all along. The second person would be a guy who is devastatingly shy and can’t make the first move for what ever reasons. I just don’t know which one he is yet because I just don’t know when to call it quits and stop waiting. This is killing me because I know that I am falling for him; and damn it……… this situation has made those feelings even more intense. I would not give up on him if there is still hope; every fiber in my being is telling me not to. I even tried to get in touch with someone else so that I could get over him but with no luck. I hate this. It freakin’ hurts really bad and my whole body weeps. I don’t know why I’m having such intense feelings except to say that when I first saw him I honestly felt a heartfelt connection. I honestly feel like this is someone that I have known all my life because that is how great the chemistry and affinity was. And I just know he felt it too but I don’t know what has changed. And it just hurts so much. If I could will him to call me I would. If I could will him to pick up the phone to just give me an explanation for the rejection I would. But you just don’t leave someone hanging that long and never leave closure to the situation. MY heart is stuck in a permanent state in this very moment because there is no procession for me. Only time will heal this but the time it will take to get over someone leaving you when you are just beginning to realize that you are falling in love with them is just not enough. I just don’t know how he could do this to me. If by some miracle he calls then I will leap to him with arms wide open because then I will know that he is not the jerk I once believed he could be but rather the fearful person I always hoped he was. I don’t care if he’s scared just as long as he trusts me to be scared with him. He’s not some guy I just met and am waiting for the call……………….. he’s the guy I think I’m in love with. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[phyrespryte]

But you just don’t leave someone hanging that long and never leave closure to the situation. MY heart is stuck in a permanent state in this very moment because there is no procession for me. Only time will heal this but the time it will take to get over someone leaving you when you are just beginning to realize that you are falling in love with them is just not enough. I just don’t know how he could do this to me. If by some miracle he calls then I will leap to him with arms wide open because then I will know that he is not the jerk I once believed he could be but rather the fearful person I always hoped he was. I don’t care if he’s scared just as long as he trusts me to be scared with him. He’s not some guy I just met and am waiting for the call……………….. he’s the guy I think I’m in love with.

 

 

Wow. Are you a leo?

I'm sorry that you feel so badly about him not calling. But perhaps you're romanticizing the situation a little too much. It's too early to be thinking you're in love with him.

 

Also if it's killing you this much that he hasn't called...why don't you ask him out again? Or say something coy like...I went to blah blah blah this weekend and it was so much fun...I was hoping you would've called so I could invite you. What happened?

 

Or maybe focus on meeting some other guys so you don't feel so bad about being not hearing from him.

[lovebug80]

[sIZE=2]

I can't help it.............. he's been driving me nuts. And this is not the first time I've been frustrated with him. During the first weeks of us being together he would always try and test me; and I always knew exactly when it was a test because I myself have played those games with guys in the past. But when you're on the receiving end of those games it can be a reaaaaaaaaaaal agravation. You're always up or down because someone is playing with your emotions just to make sure the attraction sticks and intensifies. I mean with everything that women do to men, and we all know we do it, atleast I now know how the poor guys feel when having to be jumping through hoops. And it does............ it does make your feelings stronger to have someone that you really like and constantly want to be with play games with you. Everytime you think you're so close they just keep pulling back and playing the same pattern over and over until you've finally had it and you think you're going to leave but can't. He would always do that. He'd touch me in a romantic way, make me believe that things are progressing between us only to pull a total 180 and be completely cold with me where he would ignore me the rest of the time. It would always have me baffled as to why he was doing this and what I did wrong to make him pull away or be upset with me. All it made me do was just want to try and get closer to him to show him that I wasn't trying to allow him to pull away, that I actually did care. And then I realized that he might be testing me for his own selfish and childish advantage when I caught a glimpse of him smiling and looking at me when he didn't think I could see him. So yes.................... *ugh!* all of these games can get to you after months and months when you still find yourself wanting to be with him and not knowing what the final reason for the two of you not getting together is. I'm telling you I literally feel like this guy is putting my emotions through a rollercoaster. I was all set to move on from this situation because I was asking someone to get the email adress of another guy that I was thinking of pursuing, which made me feel a ton better. But that didn't fall through because she couldn't get it, and now I just feel even worse. I can honestly say that it is going to be a looooooooooooong summer.

 

This whole post has now led me to believe that this is just another one of his I'll-go-ahead-and-test-you games. He's like a little child when it comes to these things and it gets me annoyed, but everytime I feel like pulling away I just can't. I'm a fool *sigh*............ I guess this is what guys do to us. It's just always the ones who play the game of hard-to-get that always get to you. I don't even feel calm anymore........ he's got my emotions flip flopping all the time. I honestly thought that he was the one and had been given so many signs from him that he felt the same. All I could do was fantasize about how our relationship would be, but he pulled the rug right out from under me and it hurts. I feel like Kate Winslet's character in "Sense and Sensibility" or Meredith's character in "Grey's Anatomy" when she told her McDreamy that she had thought she had met the one and there was no more searching because she was through. *Sigh*................................. What else is there to do but still wait for this jerk to continually play games.

 

(And by the way........you're kind of right............. I'm not exactly a Leo but I am a Monkey in Chinese Astrology which I know is the equivalent of a Leo in Western Astrology.)

[/sIZE]

[phyrespryte]

Ok...

 

So I was re-reading this thread. Have you ever hung out with him outside of school? Like had a conversation with him longer than an hour?

I mean you mention all this non-verbal stuff and things like...he looked really happy...or him asking this means this.

 

I think that your analzying things way too much. That his being distant and then not distant...well that's just him being up and down as a person. Like if you're in a good mood you're friendlier, if you're in a bad mood you're not as nice. Or perhaps he's not sure of what his boundaries are with you.

 

Either way it might be good if you step back and realize that this is just a crush. That what lends this the feeling of a great romance/heartbreak is all the drama you're creating and the fact that he's unattainable. I mean reading your posts I feel like I'm in a movie. But there's nothing really happening.

 

I don't think he's playing mind games with you. I think that he's not very smooth. I mean come on...a 40 yr old man having his friends give him a heads up whenever you're around? What is this high school? And he still hasn't made a move? I don't think he's even playing hard to get because that would be too complicated a thing for him to do. He's probably plagued with self doubt too. I mean he's so much older than you and he probably doesn't have girls your age hit on him frequently.

 

Anyways, will you be seeing him again anytime soon? I think that if you feel that this guy is worth something just ask him out. Be like....are you busy? Let's go get something to eat. I don't think he'll ever ask you out because he's got no game. And once you get that first date thing over with you'll probably be able to move on.