Tim'sAngel Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 This is a spin off to a thread I started under "Freindships" section. About 2 years ago, I was involved with a man for about a year, on and off. We made it clear to one another that it was a FWB relationship. We had alot of chemistry, but were just in different places in our lives so we decided to keep it casual. Well I ended up falling really hard for him, but never said anything since I had been so adamant about our relationship staying casual. I lost contact for about a year, the year I was pregnant w/my son, then about a month or so after he was born, he called to check on me and the baby. The feelings I had for him came flooding back, and after a few months of us talking on the phone often (I had moved so we were living in different states). I found out over time that he had feelings for me the whole time we spent together and we were just both too stubborn to ever admit it. We made plans for me to fly up there and stay with him for a few days to sort out our feelings and see what we wanted to do. Long story short, our relationship ended w/a nasty arguement and we quit speaking to each other. It took me awhile to get over it, but I finally did. I am in a very loving, healthy relationship. I am more in love with my SO than I thought was humanly possible. We are great friends as well as lovers, have so much in common personality wise, share the same sense of humor, everything is better than a dream!! I would never want to do anything that could even remotely hurt my relationship with him. Here is the dilema... Last night, I was online and John* popped up on my MSN messanger. I hadn't talked to him in about 8 months or so. We had a pretty decent conversation. I avoided talking about our past relationship, but it eventually came up. I told him how I felt I didn't deserve what happened and he apologized, and we talked about a few more things that went wrong. I never really did get closure since it was pretty much NC after the arguement. I told him about my new relationship, and he said he was truely happy for me. I can tell from little things he says that he still has feelings for me (always compliments me every chance he gets, tries to bring back old memories...) Towards the end of the conversation, he told me he wanted us to be friends again. I told him I didn't think I could do that because I felt he betrayed my trust in him. What I didn't tell him was since I once had very strong feelings for him, I just don't want to give myself even the slightest chance of feeling something again. But the truth is, I miss our friendship a great deal. So here is the question, can men and women really just be friends after they have been romantically involved? Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and if so, how did it turn out? Sorry this is long, thanks for reading!! *I changed the name
SuperMonk Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Kinda hard... I mean not to make women feel used but we are after sex and of course companionship too. But if my lover doesn't pan out, she's kinda gone. I burn the bridge and bury her some place deep and no longer consider her a friend. I don't understand why some people want to keep their ex's as friends. Seems like emotional problems might start from there, it's just better to leave them alone and that they've never existed.
mike1514 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 it usdually doesnt work out - but everyone's situation is different,, when things were romantic at a point in time it gives a base for feelings to come back ,, so if you decide to become friends be CAREFULL , part of him prob wants to be friends in case your relationship doesnt work out...
Craig Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 So here is the question' date=' can men and women really just be friends after they have been romantically involved? Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and if so, how did it turn out? [/quote'] Yes. Yes they can be "just" friends but if one of them is making attempts to revive good memories and paying compliments too much then it won't work out. I've been friends, close intimate friends with a couple of ex gf's for years. We don't' bring up the good memories in discussions and we don't pay each other compliments of the sort that might be called serious flirting. I think you are doing the right thing in not being friends with him at this time. Maybe in the future you'll be able to think of him and have no worries but now appears not to be the time. Don't play with fire. One day you may be able to squash any "feelings" you might experience towards him when those "feelings" emerge. Don't get into a friendship unless you have an inner certainty that you can avoid any potential escalations of feelings. Make plans not to cross any friendship line so that nothing can pull your primary relationship off track.
Guest001 Posted May 31, 2006 Posted May 31, 2006 Great answers!!! Yes you can but it prob wouldnt be a good idea at this time. Get further in this relationship before talking to your friend again. It could mess things up with your current realationship if he finds out your talking with someone that you use to have relations with and it might make things bad between you. You could start to have feelings with your friend. You could put yourself into a situation on having to choose and belive me thats a WHOLE lotta headache there. If you do decide to be friends with him and everythings cool with your other Id just keep it at emails and respond about once or twice a week. Nothing more than that should be necessary to keep the friendship.
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