scooblz39 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 This is such a long story. I am not making excuses. I have known my husband since grade school and always wanted to marry him. He can be rough around the dges however there is something about him that I love and the fact that I love him still. We were going thru a tough time in 2004. He would say things that were mean and would insist I am taking it too personally. These were things that were mean. Anyhow I had gotten involved with someone at work who he himself was a predator and actually he pursued me. I used him as a confidant my my own problems. Well I cheated on my husband with this man. How does someone even try to forgive and is this possible. He filed for divorce to stop me from refinancing the house that was in my name. I was sooo depressed of course shopping was my vice and racked up the credit cards several times allthough I always kept my job and he did not, This has been going on since 2004. We are not divorced and I asked my attorney to put a pause on this although I know because he filed for the divorce he would have to withdraw by motion and I cannot do that. Of course my famiily is besides themselves. I had a restraining order against him no longer now but he took a plea bargain and is attending a program. He is on probation til 4-2007. We just started to talk which was strange because our communication was always terrible. I asked him if he would like to see the priest that married us and he said yes. I made the appt but did not even know whether he would show. he did which shocked me. Then he gves me books to read about understanding the different thought process of men/women as well as How To Divorce Proof Your Marriage. Do you think it possible he would like to reconcile? Why would he give me these to read? If someone cheated/lied is it possible to forgive and how does one go about doing that? I made some HUGE mistakes and admit that and he has made many as well. I do not know what to do. I do not want the divorce because I love him. I had the affair in 2004 and never again. I have realizded what I have done and what I want. We have one child together. Does anyone have a suggestion on how to handle all this?
jonesgirly Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 scoo........ Step#1 Individual Counseling for yourself. Step#2 Marriage Counseling for both of you. I am not a "first thing, go to counseling" type poster, but you two have many many issues (both together and seperately) that need to be addressed before any type of reconciliation could even remotely become successful. It sounds like your husband may have already been looking into the 'mechanics' of marriage by his book suggestions. IMHO, I think your husband shows signs of very much wanting a reconciliation. And to answer your question about forgiveness - yes, it happens. You're on the infidelity board, and a whole lotta people here are still married. Its not easy, but not impossible either. You've got the added complication of family (and friends, I'm sure) who are not real happy about the possibility of your reuniting with your husband. Thats quite an obstacle to overcome, but again, not impossible. Remember to listen with an understanding ear to those who know you best. I don't think you should give up on your marriage without exploring both individual and couples marriage counseling. Yeah, you both have made mistakes, but I also get the impression that you're fairly young. Only those who actually 'learn' from mistakes get to be called grown-ups! Best wishes.
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Do you still love him? Are you willing to work your ass off to make it work if he gives you another chance? Are you willing to gain his trust and faith back in you? Live up to your vows forever? If so, then GO FOR IT. This could be a second chance of your lifetime. Make it work. Stop confiding in MEN period about your life. If you have problems in the marriage, discuss them with your husband, and if you need advice, speak to your girl friends, not men. That (as you know) just opens the door to more intimate conversations and could confuse you... I'm sure he wants things to work as well, otherwise he would not have shown up to talk to the Priest. You two have a long way to go. The love is there and if you're both willing to give 100% each into the relationship and fixing things, there is no reason not to try. Step#1 Individual Counseling for yourself. Step#2 Marriage Counseling for both of you. I agree. And your husband may want to go on his own as well.
Solachica Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 I think your husband wants to work at the marriage. Why wud he show up to renew vows and give you those books if he didn't? Did you tell him you had cheated?
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