PlentyLV007 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Okay I'm new to this section, I'm trying to get some advice here and well reading some of these post well I feel that I already know what's going to end up happening ... I have known this MM for about 2 years and we never thought of well you know....recently well he kissed me....I know a kiss woooo right , what's the big deal...but to me seriously it's a big deal!!!! I mean to me it's first base....I really like him but, I mean c'mon what do I gain from this? I'm 25 and he is 32 and has been married for 5 years and has been with his wife for 12 years. Has a 2 year old...and has been unhappy for a very long time.... Any who....he calls me, and calls me and calls me....I try not to answer, and I've done well by staying away. Don't meet him for lunch because I know what will happen , I'm tempted ....I'm not going to lie.... I just don't understand why....if he is married and unhappy then...why not leave? BE A MAN...step up to the plate man!!! Guys ...please give some advise..... REAL too.... Thanks!!!
BUTAFLY Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 He's not going to leave because he is not unhappy- thats just what he tells you. This is "how to be a cheat 101' play the sympathy card. Men know women are nurturers and they know what to say to get the women to feel sorry for them. there are many lines they use to do this but the most common is "I am not happy at home." This works because its a general statement, with an ellusion of intent. when women are not happy we do something about it, either fix it or leave it, and thus assume the man will also. while the MM is debating on what to do and telling you his horror stories, we become their personal cheerleaders which does two things 1) strokes their ego 2)gets the women emotionally bonded. what do women do when they have an emotional bond? We let down our guard and open up. And believe me, men take mental notes. They test us, they test how we respond to situations or statements and how far we will let them go. He may have held your hand one day, or massage your shoulders, if your reponded well that may have led a kiss.. maybe sex. physical contact with a man whom a women is already emotinonally bonded to means something more to a women- AND MEN KNOW THIS.
BenThereDunThat Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 He's not going to leave because he is not unhappy- thats just what he tells you. This is "how to be a cheat 101' play the sympathy card. Men know women are nurturers and they know what to say to get the women to feel sorry for them. there are many lines they use to do this but the most common is "I am not happy at home." This works because its a general statement, with an ellusion of intent. when women are not happy we do something about it, either fix it or leave it, and thus assume the man will also. while the MM is debating on what to do and telling you his horror stories, we become their personal cheerleaders which does two things 1) strokes their ego 2)gets the women emotionally bonded. what do women do when they have an emotional bond? We let down our guard and open up. And believe me, men take mental notes. They test us, they test how we respond to situations or statements and how far we will let them go. He may have held your hand one day, or massage your shoulders, if your reponded well that may have led a kiss.. maybe sex. physical contact with a man whom a women is already emotinonally bonded to means something more to a women- AND MEN KNOW THIS. Butafly - you are speaking my language! It sounds like you went through exactly the same thing I did with my exMM -- and mine's name is also Brian!! The office flirt, the one with all the answers, has more female friends than male. I just ended it and am going through the healing process. How long has yours been over? I hate that I see him everyday but I've been with the company longer than him and have no intention of leaving.
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Why doesn't he leave? Because he's not that unhappy. He wants to have abit of unattached fun on the side...He wants extra attention, probably because his wife is with THEIR child alot and he's feeling abit neglected. So, instead of being an honourable man, and just enjoy his life as it is, wife and child, he wants MORE. People who get married and have kids do sacrfice their own lives for a while. It's a shame he can't do that. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into his life and become the OW. He is NEVER going to leave his wife and child for you - Even if he tells you he will. He'll never put you first. Find a decent single man who will love "only" you. Forget this MM, he'll just break your heart.
2sunny Posted May 29, 2006 Posted May 29, 2006 Plenty - KNOCK IT OFF! I could be YOU posting this! My friend who is a MM has been someone I have known for ten years. Would I love to do something????? YES! Would I do that to HIM, his wife and family - NO, No , NO. You still need to look into the mirror each day! Use fantasy if that is what gets you by! Do not go around hurting others and disregarding yourself! Ehem, just speaking from experience from BOTH sides of the fence....
CantCutitOff Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Plenty... Mine started off as "just a kiss" + calls & calls & calls too. And let me tell you from experience -- once that physical barrier is broken, it can & often does become very difficult to stop it from progressing further. Physical contact is always very tempting. As frustrated as I am at myself for getting myself into this situation & as frustrated as I am with HIM for not respecting his own family more - I still want to jump his bones b/c I'm attracted to him. But I'm trying very hard to avoid him so as to not get myself into that situation... In short - I echo what everyone else has said. He's not leaving b/c he's not unhappy. STAY AWAY. Read these boards - 9.99 times out of 10, it's not going to be worth it.
scarletletter Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 On the contrary, I do believe that many, many men are unhappy at home but are too big of a coward to leave the situation. Rather it be the kids, or financial reason, possibly just the status thing...they won't leave. I don't think that it really matters how unhappy they are. Take my situation, for instance...MM very unhappy, MW very unhappy...both of us to chicken to make the leap to move out. We are both just making each other's lives more bearable and making it easier to stick it out in our screwed up situations. So...yes, a man can be miserably unhappy ...so can women. I firmly believe that they want to stay in the marriage because it's too much trouble to get out...but they want us to be there to fill all of the void in their lives. That's my humble opinion. I've been around the block a few times and usually...if a married man says they are unhappy..they are in some form, but that never means that they will leave their unhappy situation. They just want a little "happy" on the side.
movinon05 Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 Any who....he calls me, and calls me and calls me....I try not to answer, and I've done well by staying away. Don't meet him for lunch because I know what will happen , I'm tempted ....I'm not going to lie.... I just don't understand why....if he is married and unhappy then...why not leave? BE A MAN...step up to the plate man!!! He's too comfy after knowing his W for 12 yrs. And he wants a little on the side. He's sounding desperate here! Geez!! He should be calling his W or a therapist or a divorce lawyer! Do yourself a big favor! STAY AWAY!!!!!
2sunny Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 It's SO easy to give in to temptation and so hard to stay away from it.... You can take the easy way if you want to live with yourself......
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