TruBrit Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I'm divorced. Last year, I started a new job and was introduced to everyone. When I met one of the girls I work with, I was instantly attracted to her. For months, we never spoke, then I moved departments and we found ourselves working together, yet still we rarely spoke. My attraction to her is extremely intense. In all honesty, I've never felt so strongly about anyone in my life. Anyway, about two months ago, we started to get closer and finally she confessed that she is crazy about me and has never felt such a magnetic pull towards anyone in her life. I told her that I felt the same way. However, as yet we've done nothing, because she has a boyfriend. She doesn't actually live with the guy, but she spends a lot of time with him. He thinks something is going on, but doesn't know what. The thing is, she won't break up with him. She has had a lot of problems in the past related to alcohol, as has he, and they both seem dependent on each other because of this. However, she comes to work and spends time with me and says she can't stand to leave me every day. She wants to see my outside of work but won't cheat on him, which is good - I wouldn't want her to cheat or be a cheat myself. But what should I do? I'm trying to be casual as far as possible but she knows it's killing me knowing that she's with him and she says that not being with me is killing her. There are a lot of issues that make me hold back and take my time, but I honestly have reached the point where I can't really stand it any more. Any advice, anyone?
whichwayisup Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Until she ends it, there isn't much you can do. Maybe consider distancing yourself from her because of your feelings for her. The fact too, they're both having or had problems with alcohol is something you need to keep your eyes open about. You really don't "know" her yet. Yeah you work with her, but you don't know about her life or WHO she really is. Right now all you see is all the good stuff and you're caught up in the feelings so nothing really seems 'wrong'. Keep it at work, keep things professional (as much as you can) and don't socialize outside of the workplace.
scarletletter Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Just a suggestion, but maybe you should tell her to get a book on co-dependancy that will give her information on how to break the cycle. If they are truly dependant on one another because of their past addictions, this could help. I would suggest it in a concerning way, not as a quick fix to get out of a relationship that she doesn't want to be in.
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