KittenMoon Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Ok, my friend told me tonight that at the wedding, my ex told her that his female friend who I HATE and her boyfriend are BACK TOGETHER AGAIN!!! (this is at least the fifth time I think) Why do the most screwed up people get a million chances while I get nothing!!!!! Oh, and to top it off, SHE'S mad at my friend because no one has contacted her and invited her to stuff. Funny, considering we DID. Oh, and NO ONE has gotten any contact from HER. Why are some people so toxic!!!!!
mr.gerbick Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Kitten I never really knew how similar you're break up was to mine. I just read your first post. I know you say that I am lucky to possibly have a second chance, but it just overall seems that she doesn't care about the overall situation as much as you do. I know this is off the subject, but I tried to send a private message, but don't have privliges yet. so sorry.
Apathetic Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Ahh KM..I can see you arent doing much better & I as well am not.So you are not alone in this emotionally draining situation.I have continued contact up until last Sunday & have to say I am feeling horrible & just so sad.He is a jerkoff I know but yet ive continued our 'friendship' this whole time until last week.I deserve what I got b/c like a moron I stayed around KNOWING I was getting NOTHING positive out of it,just pain. I understand youre pain & all the 'what if's' & what could have been do NOTHING but just bring you down so try to remain positive & like myself youll eventually be 'over' this & be happy once again
Author KittenMoon Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 I've done my goddamn best. I was the best gf I could be and didn't ask for all that much. I was best friend I could be to him as well. I've done the best I could to move on past him but I can't get him out of my heart at all. I live in utter fear of the day he crosses the line (hooks up or gets a new gf) and maybe it's even happened already but I just want to know and GET IT OVER WITH. I know I will be devastated beyond even now, so I just want to stop fearing it. I've even thought about doing it myself but I just CAN'T. All I can think about is him, but he's not even that great! WHY do I have to feel like this? And now, all I get to see is the f***ed up couple in the world getting along all good and nice now AGAIN, while I get screwed for trying to be a good mature person. I just CAN'T f***in win. I'm really ready to scream. Not to mention I just found something that belongs to him not 20 min ago. No matter what I do I just can't get him out of my life, and the worst part is I don't want to.
Apathetic Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Oh man can I relate to you cant get him out of your mind even tho he isnt that great..My EX is a total scumbag who doesnt deserve me & yet he is on my mind 24/7..I cry over him,just did about 10 mins ago actually,wake up to & go to bed w/ him on my mind..He is just CONSTANTLY EVERYWHERE! A small part of me wants him back in my life,wants to be laying in his bed watching TV,wants to be getting his texts..but unfortunatly that all cant happen anymore,only if I want to be hurt even more than I am now-which is so much that I cant even put it into words.Just know that your breakup happened for a reason & that maybe it will be for the better,youll eventually realize this,come to terms & maybe finally be at peace w/ what happened
Author KittenMoon Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 I just said goodbye to another good friend who is moving thousands of miles away. I am tired of losing people I love.
dr strangelove Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Dear dear Kitten moon, friend and ally to sailormoon. Broken hearted crime fighter. You really seem to have lost it lately. And thats ok. I have many times. Usually before the net, we would keep these things to ourselves. I think my most desperate post was titled suicide soulution. I guess the moderators deleted it. I had wrote that after a bad night of chatting to my ex online. The funny thing is that weekend sales soared at my store, ha go figure. In any case I know what has been working for me lately is kinda getting into being more interactive with dating and sales etc.. I wanted to say, I have dreams and reminders of my ex too. In fact her name keeps popping up. I have a someone who I go to for spirtual guidance .. a pagan gentleman that I am glad to know. I said to him hey man this is too many coincidences. I said for once tell me what it means because you usually say it means nothing. He said it means unfinished bussiness. In any case I cant do much with that situation, and relaly niether can you unless you go begging or something. At least he talks to you. I dont have that luxury at the moment. All you can really do is worry about yourself being happy. And you have to figure out how you got along before him. The other thing I was thinking about is, too bad this site doesnt have dating profiles. I sometimes wonder if any of you women are kind of hot, or my type. Lol Trust me its not so far fetched. Theres a uk site I think called been dumped and its kind of like here but with a dating option.. ha ha ha I been thinking about that for a little while actually, I think it would help matters if someone of paired off.. I mean it gives you someone to think about other then your ex.. and boosts the self esteem.. Anyways, do something that makes you happy this weekend, and sometimes taking a break from here helps out too
sick of it Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 i agree...there should be a dating option...im not into online dating...nor am i interested in it. but we all share eachother here and get to know eachother. i wish there was a way we all could meet
mullins Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I just said goodbye to another good friend who is moving thousands of miles away. I am tired of losing people I love. you and me both, but i seem to be the destructive one:(
Author KittenMoon Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 I don't want to date. I've never dated before. The first time I saw my ex I thought "this is someone I could love". And I did. Of course, that was not his first impression of me. He was interested, but I was terribly shy. He ended up dating another friend of mine briefly, before she lost interest and he realized I was a far better choice. I guess I want a moment when I meet someone and we BOTH say "I want that person". Maybe I am stupid and idealistic. But I'm just not interested in people romantically 99.9% of the time. I feel nothing romantic towards them. Somedays (most) I hate how I am. I wish I could just be apathetic and not picky.
sick of it Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 ive never dated before either. i met her through a friend and we spent an entire summer talking before we even met. we built this great friendship. and continued talking until our first kiss. thats when we were "official." seems so childish and maybe it was. it was high school. but here i am now, getting my masters and i still think about her. ive never loved anyone else. love is a very special thing. i dont think youre supposed to feel it with a lot of people...if you do, its not special anymore. i dont want to date either. i want my connection back. maybe not even with her. i want it with someone. i want to trust. i want to feel comfortable. i hate driving or walking down the street, seeing someone atractive and get this wave of "macho". i all of a sudden try to stand a little taller, look a little more confident, blah blah...not because im interested in them, but because... im supposed to do that? i have no idea. i want my comfort back. i want someone to know me again. i want to be a priority in someones life. and id like to sing about someone again. id like to smile at someones name again. i dont need a relationship. i havent been in one for a year...a year today actually...(yay ) i dont know the answer. i want someone who knows me. i knows i went through this. who knows my emotions...someone to be a friend first. argh its frustrating. she got it so easily...and here i am a year later... on the positive side though...its not about her anymore
Author KittenMoon Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 ive never dated before either. i met her through a friend and we spent an entire summer talking before we even met. we built this great friendship. and continued talking until our first kiss. thats when we were "official." seems so childish and maybe it was. it was high school. but here i am now, getting my masters and i still think about her. ive never loved anyone else. love is a very special thing. i dont think youre supposed to feel it with a lot of people...if you do, its not special anymore. i dont want to date either. i want my connection back. maybe not even with her. i want it with someone. i want to trust. i want to feel comfortable. i hate driving or walking down the street, seeing someone atractive and get this wave of "macho". i all of a sudden try to stand a little taller, look a little more confident, blah blah...not because im interested in them, but because... im supposed to do that? i have no idea. i want my comfort back. i want someone to know me again. i want to be a priority in someones life. and id like to sing about someone again. id like to smile at someones name again. i dont need a relationship. i havent been in one for a year...a year today actually...(yay ) i dont know the answer. i want someone who knows me. i knows i went through this. who knows my emotions...someone to be a friend first. argh its frustrating. she got it so easily...and here i am a year later... on the positive side though...its not about her anymore Ditto all of that. That sums up EXACTLY how I feel. I miss him so much. I'm actually sobbing right now terribly, just because I was at the mall with a friend and I remembered all the times he came with me and I got him ice cream because he was nice enough to come with me. I just want to know when this is getting better. I don't think I have more issues tha normal, I think I am a balanced person, I tried so hard to be myself AND with him. I tried so hard, I just wanted him to want to make me happy the way I wanted to make him happy. And now he just doesn't want me in his life. I feel like I am going to throw up.
Author KittenMoon Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 Omg, I just spent another hour sobbing and nearly hysterical on the phone with my mom. I'm making her feel so awful, but there's no one else I can talk to. All I want to do is pretend everything is ok but everything certainly is not. Why can't I just keep my misery to myself?!
fabulousgal Posted June 1, 2006 Posted June 1, 2006 You shouldnt keep it all to yourself. I get the feeling some of my friends are exauhsted from hearing about it. So basically I try to do 2 things: 1)make sure i have conversations w them that dont have anything to do w me 2)i started going to a counselor. That way its an outlet that I can depend on once a week. However, your friends and family deep down want to be there for you. They may just not always know what to say when. So please don't keep your misery inside.
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