1976 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I met this woman, we get along great, we both are married. The casual emails turned into flirting, and into a meeting after work, and a kiss. I made it clear I wanted to be friends, with benefits. I guess this kinda scared her, she initially agreed to the friends with benefits, but after a few days rethought, and decided against it. We agreed to be friends. After another week or two of talking, flirting, she asked to meet me somewhere to just 'hang out', while her husband was away. We did, nothing went on, just talking, walking around lunch,and general bs'ing, but when the "date" ended, she got out and gave me a hug, talked another minute, then she initiated another hug, it seemed that she wanted more. I didn't take the chance and kiss her. All the way home I was kicking myself for not just taking the chance. What do I do next? I really want to get intimate. Her words say no, but her actions say yes. I'm afraid to make a move, and ruin our friendship,but I'm also afraid to lay back, and miss my opportunity with her romantically. What should I do, say, etc? This is my first affair, and am totally clueless on what to do/say.
Rosalind Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I'm also afraid to lay back, and miss my opportunity with her romantically. What should I do, say, etc? This is my first affair, and am totally clueless on what to do/say. good lord!..needing advice on how to cheat on your wife?!!?..I don't think so!
whichwayisup Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 See my reply in the infidelity section. I will say, not too many people here are going to give you help on how to cheat and hurt your wife. If you want to be with another woman, then get a divorce. If not, then GO home, head to marriage counselling and FIX your marriage. Find out what is missing from it and why you've felt the need to pursue another woman - A married woman!
lovernotafighter Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 yeah most people in this forum are here because we already screwed up and need help get out and over it,not advice on getting into it. wow
babydoll_mimi Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I know this can be exciting to you, but my best advice would be to listen to her words, not her actions. Go home, figure out what's going on w/ your wife. If you really do love her, fix things, and strengthen your marriage. If you don't, file for Divorce because you will only aggravate the situation and hurt people (including yourself) by beginning an affair.
zarathustra Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I met this woman, we get along great, we both are married. The casual emails turned into flirting, and into a meeting after work, and a kiss. I made it clear I wanted to be friends, with benefits. I guess this kinda scared her, she initially agreed to the friends with benefits, but after a few days rethought, and decided against it. We agreed to be friends. After another week or two of talking, flirting, she asked to meet me somewhere to just 'hang out', while her husband was away. We did, nothing went on, just talking, walking around lunch,and general bs'ing, but when the "date" ended, she got out and gave me a hug, talked another minute, then she initiated another hug, it seemed that she wanted more. I didn't take the chance and kiss her. All the way home I was kicking myself for not just taking the chance. What do I do next? I really want to get intimate. Her words say no, but her actions say yes. I'm afraid to make a move, and ruin our friendship,but I'm also afraid to lay back, and miss my opportunity with her romantically. What should I do, say, etc? This is my first affair, and am totally clueless on what to do/say. Um... I'm confused... you actually want advice on how to cheat on your wife? I know that is a forum for OW and OM, and while many of us here have been or are in less than favourable situation, we didn't look for advice on how to be an OW or OM - at least not in my recollection). We just were the OM or the OW and we live with the horrible consequences of our actions. The consequence of falling in love with someone we can't have or someone who won't make himself/herself available, etc. That is the support that we provide each other is not to talk about how to get the guy, more so, we talk about how to get over him. Anyway, the only advice I have to give to you is to look at your M and figure out what is wrong. Going outside your M really doesn't solve anything at all.
Jessie61 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Um... I'm confused... you actually want advice on how to cheat on your wife? I know that is a forum for OW and OM, and while many of us here have been or are in less than favourable situation, we didn't look for advice on how to be an OW or OM - at least not in my recollection). We just were the OM or the OW and we live with the horrible consequences of our actions. The consequence of falling in love with someone we can't have or someone who won't make himself/herself available, etc. That is the support that we provide each other is not to talk about how to get the guy, more so, we talk about how to get over him. Anyway, the only advice I have to give to you is to look at your M and figure out what is wrong. Going outside your M really doesn't solve anything at all. Zara, I could not have put it better myself, so I am not even going to try!
RealityCheck Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 yeah most people in this forum are here because we already screwed up and need help get out and over it,not advice on getting into it. wow LNF.... *on the floor* *F*ck I'm laughing so hard at your post I'm liable to pee myself* *cracking up* I can't even write! *snort*
Tim'sAngel Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I usually don't post anything in this section simply because it doesn't apply to me, but I read this and got a good chuckle so I had to say something!! Could this be a joke? 1976, if this is a joke, good job!! If not, I am so sad for you and your family. I've read some of the post on here about men and women going through a horrible time in their lives because they screwed up their marriages by what they thought were harmless fun. You actually have the chance to make this right before its too late. I just don't for the life of me understand why married people wont just divorce and get it over with so they can have all the fun they want without putting their spouses through the misery and humility of being cheated on!! Hm.. maybe its because I have more common sense than most??
Jessie61 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I just don't for the life of me understand why married people wont just divorce and get it over with so they can have all the fun they want without putting their spouses through the misery and humility of being cheated on!! Hm.. maybe its because I have more common sense than most?? Yes, probably!!!
Sand&Water Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I think, this must be my first time posting in this section. It doesn't apply to me, and never will, thank God! 1976, did say he is legally divorced, but technically still married since it takes 1 full year til divorce papers go through. Wait a few more months, til you are finally divorced. Then, YOU ARE FREE. You can go WILD, and bang any woman you want. Or, do it now since words don't do much convincing for you.
whichwayisup Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 No, he's not legally divorced, he's legally separated, waiting for a divorce.
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Personally, I think he should just be posting at Philanderers like someone said in Infidelity. If that's the way he wants to be, these aren't the right places to discuss that. He won't get the support he is looking for here.
whichwayisup Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Yeah and posting the same thread in two sections, isn't helping him either.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Yeah and posting the same thread in two sections, isn't helping him either. He posted this somewhere else too? Damn, hes desperate to learn how to cheat!! I always figured it sort of came naturally, but again... wouldn't know
Author 1976 Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 Yes, I posted in the Infidelity section, someone pointed me here. The forum topic is, "The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner." I came here to discuss the situation I am in, being involved with a committed partner. Exactly as the forum describes. I figured I would come here, and get an opinion from people who have been there, done that. You guys can sit here, poke fun, act wise, whatever, but your have been, or are in the same situation I am in, but if picking on me makes you feel better about yourself, by all means, bring it, I can handle it.
Sami_D Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Yes, I posted in the Infidelity section, someone pointed me here. Yes, I went to the infidelity forum to find out who suggested you posted here. It was someone who evidently has no concept of what the OW forum is about. I posted on your Infidelity thread about what I think of them and their point of view. They are wrong. You won't find anyone here to support you. There is a forum online for philanderers. I think someone already pointed you in that direction. I suggest you look that site up, because yes, I think it would suit you.
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 The difference here is that the majority is trying talk the newbies out of an A, help the ones in it, and encourage the ones trying to get out of it. None of us are saying, "Hey yes, if you want to start an affair, this is the way to do it!" Big difference. We all hurt from an affair. No one here is going to advocate an affair!
Sami_D Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 MovinOn.. the person recommending him to come here was Chump... the one who was having a go at Karis on her thread the other day.
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 MovinOn.. the person recommending him to come here was Chump... the one who was having a go at Karis on her thread the other day. I'm well aware. Which is why I said what I said above. Perhaps she didn't mean it as bad as it sounded since she apologized, but sometimes people can be flip and it just puts me on notice. As for the poster, it just makes sense to go to Philanderers whatever. If he wants help in that department, he should go there. He is just not going to get it here! I'm just not going to get myself worked up over his stuff.
Sami_D Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Perhaps she didn't mean it as bad as it sounded since she apologized, but sometimes people can be flip and it just puts me on notice.. Well I do give a monkeys. Someone posting here and expecting their views to be taken seriously (glad I didn't) and then posting on the rest of the forum suggesting that this forum is a pace that gives out tips on cheating. No. They're out of order, and other people should know that what they're posting is inaccurate.
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Well I thought my comment to Chump was sufficient for her to know better without having to explain it. She bashed us. I made her aware. But you did a good job!
Chump64 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Sami, Movni', and Jessie: I responded to this in 1976's thread in the Infidelity forum, if ya'll are interested. Page 4.
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Sami, Movni', and Jessie: I responded to this in 1976's thread in the Infidelity forum, if ya'll are interested. Page 4. Chump, I have read your contributions in the "Infidelity" forum. I think we will just have to agree to disagree. Otherwise this discussion could go on forever. I think it all boils down to the fact that we just have different ideas of M and when a person is entitled to call an end to it. But first of all, I think it is unfair to call any of the support given by me and the other people you have mentioned as "accolade" because it has connotations of bragging about it; what we offer is support. I do believe that is the purpose of the whole OW/OM forum? After that, you can like it or lump it. OW/OM turn to the OW/OM forum for support and advice. For me it is irrelevant where in the stage of the A a person is, if I feel that I have something to offer, then I will; be it in the middle of the affair, when it is approaching the end, or in the aftermath of the A. (And no, I don't want to re-ignite this other discussion that was going on, so please all note that I don't ever encourage anyone to START an A and I don't offer advice on the most foolproof way of doing it either! Nobody here will do that. We all just know the emotional price of being in an affair too well.) Now, back to the "bone of contention"... I think that you got upset about Karis story because it was headed a "success"? I can understand that it may act like a red rag to a bull for some people, but try to see through it; it was just header and perhaps the wrong word used. I think Karis story is about 2 people trying to do the best out of a very bad situation in an as dignified way as is possible in the circumstances. There are no perfect solutions to anyone's problems and they are just doing their best. If you turn this on its head, I am not sure that this story could automatically have been called a "success" either, had Karis' BF (or any other so called genuine MM) stayed at home instead of leaving. What would his and his W's lives be like for years to come with him miserable and in love with someone else? Would the kids be any happier with miserable parent(s)? What would they learn about what to expect out a relationship etc? No, I don't know the details of Karis BF former marital life, and this is only general talk to illustrate my point which is that the alternative to "leaving the M" was to "stay in the M", and perhaps the latter would not have been a "success" either? My conclusion is therefore that all anyone can ever do is to make the most out of a situation? And sometimes the situation a person has to deal with is very bad indeed. Next question. What is "making the best out of a bad situation"? I don't know, but I don't think there is just ONE answer to that question either, and this is where our apparently different beliefs about calling an end to a M come into the picture. I don't think any of us are going to convince the other person to change his/her mind even if this discussion went on forever. Hence my suggestion to agree to disagree. (Believe it or not, I do respect your opinion! ) Anyway, I always respect other people's decisions, be it a MM who decides to stay or to leave, or a OW/OM who decides to walk away or stay in the A, or a MW who decides to forgive a cheating husband for that matter! Who am I to say that they are wrong??? Especially in a forum like this when I don't know anyone from Adam and I only know the very basic details of the situation. I can do is to give people my advice and opinion, and then they can accept or reject it and make their own decisions. That is all I have to say on this topic.
movinon05 Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I am done with this as well as far as Chump. I'm not interested in picking apart her sound bites to prove right or wrong or try to explain anything. And they are picking it apart and dealing with this original thread up there.
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