Fun2BMe Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 You're finally getting it You're worth much more than the car so don't even use that as an excuse. If he had called me, I'd say "wahtever" and hung up on him. Come on, you can do it:) Remember you're trying to get him back and your tactics are all wrong
Walk Posted June 6, 2006 Posted June 6, 2006 If you could even remotely afford it, pull the car out of his garage and have it towed somewhere else. I think the car is an excuse for both of you. It stops you from breaking all contact. And allows him an excuse to see/talk to you. I think it'd send a clear message you're through with him if you pulled it out of there. Plus takes away "having" to talk to him. The emotional rollercoaster is bad enough, but knowing you're locked in until that car is fixed just makes it worse.
Author temptris33 Posted June 6, 2006 Author Posted June 6, 2006 Yeah that would be a good thing to pull it out of there...except that its for my business to be used as a business car and he is paying everything...all fluids changed, windshield put in and painted....so if I pull it now..I wont get it done. I couldn't afford to do all of it. I haven't been up there since the last time I was there to take pics and I'm not planning on going up there again anytime soon until its done. If he wants to pay for it out of guilt or whatever, for not doing it for so long then cool cuz it just benefeits me in the long run. I'm kind of at a mad level now. I'm not feeling sad. I'm going camping with the girls on Friday and then I have that date on Saturday. I don't know if I'm ready to do the "date"thing tho. He leaves for Wyoming tonight...his plane leaves first thing in the morning. I'm curious (dont care either way) if he calls before he leaves tonight.
Walk Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 As far as the "date" goes. I'd just go with the intent to have fun. Look at it like you're hanging out with a new potential friend, and just there to pass a few hours and have a few laughs. Don't get too caught up on the thought that it's a "date". Just keep it casual and low key. Also, let the guy know you're not intending a relationship. Not sure of a good way to do this. Maybe someone else on here could give you good advice on this. But it'd make for a more comfortable date if the both of you were on the same page. Instead of having him think you're ready for serious dating right now. Or play it by ear. The guy might not be intending anything serious either.
Author temptris33 Posted June 7, 2006 Author Posted June 7, 2006 It will be fun. I'll let you know how it went. He's a good guy. He's just younger than me (again). I told myself I would n't do that but I've known him for a while. He's 8 yrs younger, great career as a cop, 5 bedroom house and building another, funny and a beautiful smile. What could go wrong?
Mary3 Posted June 7, 2006 Posted June 7, 2006 It will be fun. I'll let you know how it went. He's a good guy. He's just younger than me (again). I told myself I would n't do that but I've known him for a while. He's 8 yrs younger, great career as a cop, 5 bedroom house and building another, funny and a beautiful smile. What could go wrong? You go Girl !
Author temptris33 Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 Guess who called me from Wyoming? Ha. He called me before he left for the airport and wanted to come down and give me a hug before he left. I was cool with that. He came down and we talked for about a half hour. I told him that I was done with the emotional games and that I'm not going to take it anymore. I told him to go have a great time on his trip and help his friend but when he gets back he has to come to me with a clear mind and tell me what is going on with him. I told him that he had walked all over me long enough and that I had done more than I should have to show him that I loved him to the point of me feeling like a jack ass. i told him I didn't and wasn't going to wait a week after he returns. He has to tell me at that point if we are or if we are not. I told him that we can always be friends if that's what he chooses but that we would have to have no contact for a while if that's the choice. I also told him (some of the things you all told me) that it shouldn't be this hard to realize if you love someone or not and i also told him that if he loved me he wouldn't put me in a position to "get laid" with other guys...he didn't like that one. The conversation was nice. We didn't express anger or whatever I just said it all calmly and directly. He left afterwards with a hug.....on his way to Wyoming the next morning...his flight leaves at 620 am...to make this all short...he called me from wyoming about a half hour ago. I didn't expect to hear from him.(.I thought it was the guy that I have a date with on Saturday.).THANK GOD I DIDN"T SAY HIS NAME! Anyways he asked "who did you think it was"? He was kind of put off about me thinking it was someone else for a second...he said he called to say good night to me and all that... we talked for a few minutes and we were about to hang up and he was quiet for a sec..I asked "what Mike"? he said I love you. I said love you too gotta go.
Mary3 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Guess who called me from Wyoming? Ha. He called me before he left for the airport and wanted to come down and give me a hug before he left. I was cool with that. He came down and we talked for about a half hour. I told him that I was done with the emotional games and that I'm not going to take it anymore. I told him to go have a great time on his trip and help his friend but when he gets back he has to come to me with a clear mind and tell me what is going on with him. I told him that he had walked all over me long enough and that I had done more than I should have to show him that I loved him to the point of me feeling like a jack ass. i told him I didn't and wasn't going to wait a week after he returns. He has to tell me at that point if we are or if we are not. I told him that we can always be friends if that's what he chooses but that we would have to have no contact for a while if that's the choice. I also told him (some of the things you all told me) that it shouldn't be this hard to realize if you love someone or not and i also told him that if he loved me he wouldn't put me in a position to "get laid" with other guys...he didn't like that one. The conversation was nice. We didn't express anger or whatever I just said it all calmly and directly. He left afterwards with a hug.....on his way to Wyoming the next morning...his flight leaves at 620 am...to make this all short...he called me from wyoming about a half hour ago. I didn't expect to hear from him.(.I thought it was the guy that I have a date with on Saturday.).THANK GOD I DIDN"T SAY HIS NAME! Anyways he asked "who did you think it was"? He was kind of put off about me thinking it was someone else for a second...he said he called to say good night to me and all that... we talked for a few minutes and we were about to hang up and he was quiet for a sec..I asked "what Mike"? he said I love you. I said love you too gotta go. He wants a beautiful garden with no work or effort. Let the flowers whither away and die because he does not deserve you anymore. Unless of course he suddenly has a *moment* to think about what a great girl he is losing. Time will tell....
Fun2BMe Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 I have a feeling this whole thing is about him making you pay emotionally for not being available to see him that one night. He is making you suffer like a control frreak. I have a feeling in the end everything will be patched up. All of the other excuses seem like baloney as far as him not having a house, not being ready for the next step. He is playing games knowing he can push all and any of your buttons but you will take him back in the end. It's all a game without any issue. He might be bored or something and taking advantage of someone who loves him unconditionally.
Author temptris33 Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 Honestly, I don't know if I really want him back. After looking back at all the things he has put me through and weighing and balancing everything...I don't think so. I've been having a great week and all of a sudden I have these guys coming around and one I haven't seen for a few years. He called my moms house out of the blue yesterday wanting to know how to get a hold of me and where I was living now and bla bla....these are MEN not BOYS! Mike has really done a number on me. He's never cheated on me thank god, but all the other emotional damage is just as harsh. I'm not sure what's going to happen when he returns. I don't want him as a BF anymore unless some miracle changes him. Doubtful. After thinking about it, I guess I'm more attracted to him physically/sexually than anything else. I'm not even sure if I really love him..I think it was more security of having someone and the strong gut attraction. Dunno. I have a busy weekend and its loaded with fun. I can't wait! You all have a great day!
Author temptris33 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 Well, he got back from Wyoming last night. I went camping over the weekend with some friends of mine. He sent me a text at 3 in the morning Saturday saying "i love u". He called three times on Sunday before I picked it up. We talked for a little bit. He said he's been thinking alot about me and he loves me and misses me terribly. He asked if there was any hope for he and I. I said I don't know because he hurt me really bad and I don't want to be in that position again. He called me again last night when he got home. He said that hes been crying the last two days because he misses me so much. He had jumped on the quad and drove down to the lake where he got phone reception and sent me that text. He said he's never loved anyone more and he wants to be with me. He wants to make things work. He said he's so in love with me and he misses me so bad that he just wants to hang on to me when he sees me. He said he couldn't stop thinking about me while he was there. He said he got so upset because he couldn't get a hold of me all weekend and he was worried about me and where I was. I just don't know. He sounds so sincere. I'm just unsure of doing it again. He really wants to try. He said he just got overwhelmed so easy and started thinking long term and got scared. He said he doesn't want to be a chicken s*** and he wants to step up. I'm supposed to go to see my oldest son this weekend. I'm leaving Friday (5 hr drive ) and going camping with him for his birthday. Well, Mike wants to go. he wants to drive up with me and camp out with all of us. All of us includes my sons dad. Mike said he thought I sounded distant with him and unsure. I'm just being guarded. I do want to give in because I love him and he sounds like he really does want to do this. Maybe it took him leaving for a while to realize what he had. HELP
ashnicole Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 He's treating you like crap... why eoulf you even WANT to stay? I can't imagine that this question "what should I do" should even come up. Leave. Now. Before he doesn't something to REALLY hurt you.
Mary3 Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 Well, he got back from Wyoming last night. I went camping over the weekend with some friends of mine. He sent me a text at 3 in the morning Saturday saying "i love u". He called three times on Sunday before I picked it up. We talked for a little bit. He said he's been thinking alot about me and he loves me and misses me terribly. He asked if there was any hope for he and I. I said I don't know because he hurt me really bad and I don't want to be in that position again. He called me again last night when he got home. He said that hes been crying the last two days because he misses me so much. He had jumped on the quad and drove down to the lake where he got phone reception and sent me that text. He said he's never loved anyone more and he wants to be with me. He wants to make things work. He said he's so in love with me and he misses me so bad that he just wants to hang on to me when he sees me. He said he couldn't stop thinking about me while he was there. He said he got so upset because he couldn't get a hold of me all weekend and he was worried about me and where I was. I just don't know. He sounds so sincere. I'm just unsure of doing it again. He really wants to try. He said he just got overwhelmed so easy and started thinking long term and got scared. He said he doesn't want to be a chicken s*** and he wants to step up. I'm supposed to go to see my oldest son this weekend. I'm leaving Friday (5 hr drive ) and going camping with him for his birthday. Well, Mike wants to go. he wants to drive up with me and camp out with all of us. All of us includes my sons dad. Mike said he thought I sounded distant with him and unsure. I'm just being guarded. I do want to give in because I love him and he sounds like he really does want to do this. Maybe it took him leaving for a while to realize what he had. HELP You are operating totally on your feelings for this man. Love is BLIND ! Okay well , he screwed up and you meant business.... He NOW wants to do the right thing . But for how long ? Listen if he's chicken s*** about about long term then OPEN YOUR EYES even if NOW he has decided because you have left him because you are tired of his bullshi* and wants to make amends . This went on for TOO long. He needs to OWN his insecurities. Not YOU. I would tell him this : " Listen I care about you but I think its best that we part and get on with our lives " He will realize he royally fuc**ed up . You don't do this because you want to lure him back. You do this NC because you RESPECT yourself ! If you take him back and all is lovely and you end up happily ever after then congratulations you got what you wanted. You could also take him back and then post here 6 months from now having realized you wasted 6 months. You can tell him NO and get on with your life and friends. Please read ALL your posts. Please read all of our responses. Then take off the blinders. All respect intended
Author temptris33 Posted June 12, 2006 Author Posted June 12, 2006 You're right. I know this. I'm totally weighing everything. I don't mind giving someone another chance...three strikes your out. If it didn't work out I'm not going to be as devastated as I was that's for sure. I haven't made up my mind what I'm going to do. I might even decide that we should start from the beginning and just date as well as date other people. I don't know. I'd like to give him one more chance, and see if he can be the man of his word that he's claiming to be. If he screws up again and treats me with disregard then he's going to lose me as a g/f and a friend and would never have contact with me again. Whatsoever. He's big on what people think of him. So, that would kill him. I told him that we have a lot of things that need to be worked on and that we both have to change some of our behaviors. Which is true.
Author temptris33 Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 Against all your advice...I'm giving him a last chance. This is it and he knows it. I know it's only been a week, but he has been with me every night...sex is better than ever..not his selfish self in that respect ;-) He actually really seems to be trying. He's cuddling and kissing me..I don't know. I'm more guarded now than ever and it wont be as hard if we break up again....I just wanted to give him the chance that he so desperately wanted. He said that he's in it 100%. He knows I'm skeptical but willing to make it go. I'm sure he's thinking he's giving it 100% this time and if it doesn't work out then he'll thing at least he gave it his all. That's what I'm thinking.
Mary3 Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Against all your advice...I'm giving him a last chance. This is it and he knows it. I know it's only been a week, but he has been with me every night...sex is better than ever..not his selfish self in that respect ;-) He actually really seems to be trying. He's cuddling and kissing me..I don't know. I'm more guarded now than ever and it wont be as hard if we break up again....I just wanted to give him the chance that he so desperately wanted. He said that he's in it 100%. He knows I'm skeptical but willing to make it go. I'm sure he's thinking he's giving it 100% this time and if it doesn't work out then he'll thing at least he gave it his all. That's what I'm thinking. Give him his last 3rd chance. This might have been his * wake up * call and things will change. But really, did you have to go through ALL of this to get things to change ? That tells me this could be a temporary change unless he truly realized he screwed up and wants to make things really better. Time will tell.
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