Blaire09Dvin Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Hey guys, I'm new here but I need some serious help on this one. Okay I've been dating Dave for 7 months now. We live in the same town and go to the same college. I think the relationship started out as physical attraction but I've come to really love him as a person. Yet, for some reason I always felt like there was something *missing,* but I could never figure out what it was. Sometimes it just seems like we don't click, but other times i feel like I really love him. I told him I loved him about a month ago and he soon after said it back, but we haven't really said it to each other since. He's a great guy and he would never hurt me, but there's not really any passion in the relationship. We're both just kind of going along with it. Still, I wasn't even thinking about breaking up with him because its fun and nice to have him around, but then I met Drew. He works with me, and he's extremely funny and nice and cute...defintely a guy who seems to click with me. The problem is he lives like 45 min away, which isn't that bad for now because its summer, but he goes to a different college than me, so I don't know if I want to start anything with him. But I like him so much and at the same time I feel so guilty because I don't want to break up with Dave because it would seem out of the blue to him. I don't want his family to hate me, and most of all I don't want to hurt him. Should I just stay with him since we'll be at school together and it would be easy? I dont know! Plus I feel like I'm lying to Drew by not telling him I have a boyfriend even though we just met, but I wouldn't want to start anything that's based around a huge fat lie. I'm so confused. Half of me just wants to quit my job, never see Drew again and just stay with Dave where things are safe and comfortable and the other part of me wants to break up with Dave and become closer with Drew. But then I know it could only be a summer fling with Drew since he goes to a different college. I'm so confused please help. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Plus I feel like I'm lying to Drew by not telling him I have a boyfriend even though we just met, but I wouldn't want to start anything that's based around a huge fat lie. Can you please explain this sentence? How long do you know Drew? You don't want to tell Drew about your boyfriend b'cos you just met him and he doesn't need to know OR do you think if you tell him about your boyfriend he will stop hanging out with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blaire09Dvin Posted May 26, 2006 Author Share Posted May 26, 2006 I think if i tell him he will stop pursuing me (flirting, calling, etc). Link to post Share on other sites
l2hvn Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 I think if i tell him he will stop pursuing me (flirting, calling, etc). You're selfish. You want to have a cake and it eat too. It's not fair to both men. How would you feel if that was done to you? Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 I think if i tell him he will stop pursuing me (flirting, calling, etc). So you want him to pursue you but you don't want anything to do with him? In other words you only enjoy his attention, don't you? I had a feeling that selfishness could be behind this and that's why I asked you that question. I once hung out with a woman and after nearly 3 months came to know that she had a boyfriend. She essentially hid him from me... This is "lying by omission"! I don't know why you women do this... it flat out sucks. I now feel that both Dave and Drew deserve something better rather than a woman like you.. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetPea80 Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 I have been in the same situation before. You should stay with your current BF where things are safe. What if you dump your BF to be with this other guy and he ends up screwing you over, like telling you he wants to be with others girls. Big mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperMonk Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Go with your gut, but before you enter any dating make sure you dump the other dude first. Link to post Share on other sites
brucevangeorge Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 If they are real men, one of them will choose you. If they're chumps... Take your pick! Link to post Share on other sites
Rosalind Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 I think if i tell him he will stop pursuing me (flirting, calling, etc). why is there flirting, calling, etc going on when you already have a boyfriend? poor Dave.... Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 why is there flirting, calling, etc going on when you already have a boyfriend? poor Dave.... Even worse is the fact that she is worried whether the flirting and calling will stop once she says Drew about her boyfriend... She is just enjoying the attention from Drew... Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 Okay, timeout! I swear, every time some discussion like this comes up, the Salem witch hunt begins. Okay, yes, she's being a tad bit on the selfish side here, but you know something, romance is a selfish process. I can understand that if you've been on the losing end of the stick a time or two, you might get bitter and that might come out, but let's chill and get back to the topic at hand. Okay, about your situation...I think you should think carefully about this. First off, people do have a point - you should tell someone you have a boyfriend if, in fact, you do have a boyfriend before you start something with someone else. Not only is it not fair to Dave, it's not fair to Drew either. It has to be one or the other; both of the guys will be pissed off if you try to juggle, and you'll end up with a pretty bad rep afterward - you don't want that, right? The other thing is, it's easy to find yourself attracted to someone else while you're in a relationship with someone else - that happens all the time. But just because you're attracted to Drew now doesn't mean you'll be attracted to him six months or even six weeks later. I mean, look at your relationship with Dave. I think that in relationships, you should always focus on the current relationship first and foremost. Whatever attraction you have to someone else should be a side issue (easier said than done, I know). But if you stay objective like that, you'll be more successful in your relationships. In just about every relationship you have, there will always be someone else who comes along and makes you think about them a little deeper; there's always temptation around. Resist it! Focus on building what you have. Now if you don't have much to build on and you just want out of the relationship, then that's fine - just break it off. But the way you're doing it now isn't just hurtful, its also unwise. You're not giving yourself a chance to develop solid, long-term relationship skills. Those are so important when you decide you're ready for marriage. Think things through, and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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