sunnie23 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Hey guys, I'm a bit stumped here. My boyfriend's grandma passed away and the viewing is tonight, the funeral tomorrow. We've been dating for six months and are just starting to introduce each other to our families, and I hadn't met her yet. I love him but we haven't said it yet, so I'm not sure if it's appropriate for me to go to the funeral. i knw he won't ask me to and if i ask him he will say to come if I want to. I'm worried that if i go i will be overstepping his boundaries, however i'm afraid that if i don't go it will appear as if i don't care or am not as there for him as I actually am. I don't want to intrude on this very difficult time for him and his family but I want to do everything I can to be there for them. Any suggestions?
agnf666 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Have you met any of his family? I think that you should go to the viewing with your boyfriend. I would just honestly ask him if he wants you to go and be there with him. What can that hurt to ask. If he says, I will be alright then leave it at that. You need to ask him.
Art_Critic Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 yes.. you should go... just tell your bf that you would like to go.. he shouldn't have a problem with it and most likely would want you to be there.. if he has an issue with it he will tell you..
Touche Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I don't think you should just go. I agree with the poster who said just ask him if he wants you to go with him. Let him tell you what's best for him.
quankanne Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 go. He'll appreciate your show of support by being there, even if you're sticking to the background out of respect to the newness of your relationship. You'd prolly be doing the same thing for a friend you've made six months ago and have grown to care for, right?
catgirl1927 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I think you should offer to go and let him choose, but I would think after 6 months you should go more because of him, it's not really about the family right now, it's about supporting him through a tough time. Does that make sense?
Sleeps w/Butterflies Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I too think you should offer to go. This is a very emotional and sensitive time for him and you are part of his life therefore you should offer your presence. Let us know how it goes.
PuppyDogEyes Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I'm worried that if i go i will be overstepping his boundaries, however i'm afraid that if i don't go it will appear as if i don't care or am not as there for him as I actually am. I don't want to intrude on this very difficult time for him and his family but I want to do everything I can to be there for them. I went through a similar situation when I was 21 and my grandfather died unexpectedly. My boyfriend at the time was very hesitant about "intruding" on what was considered a "family situation", but he did finally ask me. I said that I would discuss it with the rest of my family, and they gave their consent to have him come. I can tell you now that it was the best thing he could have done, as I really needed a lot of emotional support that day, and he was there to comfort me and other members of my family. I think that the best thing that you can do right now is to talk to him and offer your support in whatever way is needed. If he wants you to come, by all means go - but if not, I would send flowers or a tray of food, a requested donation to a charity, or whatever the family would deem appropriate for the situation. I would keep in mind how "close" you are to him and his family. The closer you are to them emotionally, the more likely they will appreciate your presence at the funeral. My condolences to you, and your boyfriend, during what I'm sure is a very difficult time. - pde.
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