cuckolded husband Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I've tried to forget what has happened and to get over it like the wife sayes. But can't get over the fact that she has had the "A" and has had NC but when I look back over the 25 years that we have been together the things that she has done just pisses me off. When she was having her A she would ask me questions like Is there anybody that I thought that was pretty or something stupid like that then blowup when I would not give her an answer or when I did. The problem is one minute I love her the next minute I hate her. I just found out about 2 more A's but she claims that all of that is over, you see I get these feelings that what few times in my life that I could have cheated but didn't I feel like I should have, or will if come around. The question is will I ever get over this or should I leave? Right now I want to leave but will there be any happiness? I know that she loves me. Does a person just need to get "strange" or is just a high or what? I want to get back at her someway I know it is wrong. I know that she has had 4 lovers but gets mad if I would look at another woman funny. This is stupid or sick. Help
theantibarbie23 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Your wife is trying to sweep the past under the rug because she doesn't want to confront what she's done. Unfortunately, there really can't be any healing until she takes responsiblity for her actions and works on fixing her issues. She can't expect you to just get over her betrayals to both you and the marriage. It just doesn't work that way, it takes work and time to heal broken trust. Not to mention this wasn't a one night stand, this is a clear pattern of behavior. If it's just tossed under the rug, what's to keep it from happening again? Tell your wife what YOU need in order to recover from her past infidelities. If she is serious about wanting to reconcile she'll do them (as long as they are within reason), if not, she's not serious about saving the marriage and you may want to think of your other options. You may not believe it now but from what I've seen, people are often happier alone than with an unremorseful cheating spouse. I hope things start getting better for you soon.
TheTallDarkStranger Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I deeply sympathise, as I am going through something similar. Lots of anger and frustration, I am sure. I'm just about 2 months in, tho... I would agree with AntiBarbie - your wife def has some serious issues to confront. My wife was (is?) in deep denial, and I have come to the point that the relationship cannot continue the way it had - she has to act differently and I have to feel differently. For my part, I am trying to focus on what was wrong with the relationship, rather than assuming it was all just her fault for being a wicked slut. I'm not talking about taking the blame for what happened - SHE decided to be unfaithful, not you - but what was it in this relationship that allowed such things to happen? I would suggest counselling and see what happens. You also might want to consider separation; IMHO you deserve some time to feel good about yourself, & maybe she will realise the stupid decisions she has made and what she is risking.. I have to say tho' - this looks like a real pattern, & no doubt will take real initiative and effort on her part to change. I wish you the best of luck with everything - and I hope you will be able to find a way through your anger. Godspeed.
Bryanp Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Your wife has to your knowledge at least 4 separate sexual affairs and put your health at great risk for STD's. Yet you say you know she loves you. I am sorry my friend but you judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. Apparently it has not been a problem for her to lie, cheat and betray you with other men. Again she has had no problem humiliating and disrespecting you in the worst possible way. Why you would believe anything she says is beyond me. She seems to be a classic cake-eater who enjoys the benefits of marriage with you and also enjoying having the ability to screw other men behind your back. She treats you like a complete fool and makes a mockery of her marriage committment to you but you know she really loves you?.......Oh please!
dmanette Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 It's been 8 months for you...it's been 8 years for me and still, at times, I get angry because many of the memories I have about our relationship are ruined. I look at old photos and think "that was when that bastard was cheating on me." So many things are forever tainted because of lies and betrayal. Does it get better, it should, but as far as my relationship goes, it will never, ever be the same. We have formed a new relationship now but the unconditional love and admiration is gone. I once heard someone say trust is like virginity...screw me once and it's gone. That pretty much sums it up for me. dm-
Sup Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I've tried to forget what has happened and to get over it like the wife sayes. But can't get over the fact that she has had the "A" and has had NC but when I look back over the 25 years that we have been together the things that she has done just pisses me off. When she was having her A she would ask me questions like Is there anybody that I thought that was pretty or something stupid like that then blowup when I would not give her an answer or when I did. The problem is one minute I love her the next minute I hate her. I just found out about 2 more A's but she claims that all of that is over, you see I get these feelings that what few times in my life that I could have cheated but didn't I feel like I should have, or will if come around. The question is will I ever get over this or should I leave? Right now I want to leave but will there be any happiness? I know that she loves me. Does a person just need to get "strange" or is just a high or what? I want to get back at her someway I know it is wrong. I know that she has had 4 lovers but gets mad if I would look at another woman funny. This is stupid or sick. Help She TOLD you "JUST GET OVER IT"? This my friend is DEAD WRONG! You DON'T "JUST GET OVER THIS" If it were me I would have been gone, like yesterday! By the way, if it WAS 4, it's probably much more, and it's likely to continue. Like someone here just posted, better to be alone than with someone like that.
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