insomnie Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I briefly posted about this in my other thread but here goes again: If someone breaks up wiht you because you are smothering them, is it a better idea to stay friends in order to keep the connection alive and to keep you on their mind, or to distance yourself in hopes that they miss you? My boyfriend broke up with me but wants to stay in touch and has been IMing me regularly and telling me he wants to get together, presumably as friends, at the end of this week. I don't know what to do. I'm leaning toward no contact because I feel like we need to change some things about ourselves before we can be togehter, and also beucase I can't really be "myself" around him right now and still be his friend, seeing as how "myself" wants to have sex with him and that's not an option when you are just friends.... but I also don't want to sabotage things furhter by staying away. Please help.
RealBroken Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 from the reading ive done, apparently the best thing to do is say "im not going to contact you anymore because we are not a couple" and then let him miss you. Him not knowing what youre up to especially in the weekends may just drive him nuts. Maybe just no contact for a while.
Big_A Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 No contact is going to be best. It will give you both time to think without the emotions of being around each other confusing you. Once both of you have cleared your heads you'll be better able to decide friendship.
Solachica Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Cease contact with him. You want to have sex with him...tht means you want to have a friends with benefits type of friendship?
daphne Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 what chica said. Unless you're willing to sustain a demotion to some girl he's having sex with, go no contact. Most of the time after a break up, it's really the only way to go. I wish I had learned this yeeeaaaaarrrs ago.
Guest Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Listen...the first thing is....if the guy broke up with you because you are 'smothering' him - then basically he probably wants the relationship on his terms OR he's not ready to do what it takes to be in a committed relationship. Staying friends with him puts you in a vulnerable place. Eventually he will get what he wants from you - emotionally and physically - when he needs it and can dismiss you when he doesn't. That isn't to say he's a mean person or anything. It may not even be a concious behavior but it is typical. What you deserve is clear, distinct intentions from him and he won't take the time to think about it or you for that matter while you're close at hand. Secondly - whatever you decide to do...doing it in hopes of changing/correcting his behavior is just wrong! You can't change anyone or control them. They will do what they want to do. Whether you decide to become 'friends with benefits' or cut of all contact from him must be a decision you make for your own benefit. If no contact is the way - doing it in hopes that he'll come to his senses will only get you hurt/confused. You have to understand that he may not ever come back and you HAVE to be okay with that. The up side is that if he does...he'll come around and for you being you. Bottom line - there is a REASON that most people advise no contact...it works. But not for the reason you think. It works because it makes the truth come out for both of you AND clears your head so you don't do something that you'll regret later.
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