lostsmile Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Has anyone out there been a MOW before and actually wanted to stay in her marriage and also be OW with MM? Best of both worlds? I have been OW for 3 years.
erika2610 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Has anyone out there been a MOW before and actually wanted to stay in her marriage and also be OW with MM? Best of both worlds? I have been OW for 3 years. So, you're an OW to a MM. so you're hurting not only yourself, but your H, your OM, and his W? This sounds very selfish to me.. that you 'want' to be the OW. Why not just leave your H?
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Hey, a cakewoman post! What is the best in both your worlds? What do you like best about your H? What motivates you to stay married? What do you like best about your OM? What motivates you to stay with him? What is your backup plan for when your spouses find out - do you have one?
movinon05 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I'm sorry, I absolutely cannot relate. I was M when the A started with the MM and I wanted him and only him. But then again, I was M to someone who was.... well let's just say I did not want to be M to him anymore. I wanted it all with MM. Are you happy with your marriage and your husband? There must be something wrong if you want both? I can't fathom it!
Author lostsmile Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 I would rather be with MM, but I know he is not leaving his M. I've decided that part-time is better than no time. My m is not that bad. We have two small children, and I would be on the street.
movinon05 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Well I think reality has to set in with you, like it or not. Do you really want to spend your life in limbo? With a M that is "not that bad". With a MM who won't leave his W, and you get small moments of joy? You seem to be stuck. I have to believe you want more for yourself and your children and/or your H. I can't imagine a life living like this. I just can't. Its not even in me to comprehend!
whichwayisup Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I would rather be with MM, but I know he is not leaving his M. I've decided that part-time is better than no time. My m is not that bad. We have two small children, and I would be on the street. You wouldn't be on the street. Your husband would be paying Child Support and you'd get a job. Staying in the marriage because you're too scared or feel you can't make it on your own IS NOT A REASON TO STAY MARRIED! You can't teach your kids it's okay to stay married to "daddy" and then have a boyfriend on the side! MM or Single Man! Remember, what you DO is what your KIDS LEARN. And, kids are not stupid! If your kids are at the age of curosity, they will snoop, listen in to calls/conversations...So if you think they won't find out, they will! Either GO to marriage counselling and FIX your marriage, or end it completely. Maybe your husband needs to filled in on what you're doing. Let HIM decide if he wants to stay married to a woman who wants to cheat. I think I said this on another thread of yours, but hey! Let him go be with OW too! That way you both can live together, play mommy and daddy - Then go have someone on the side. Getting married and having kids, saying your vow, creating a family...Is that not enough for you? Most people who get married give up certain things in life because it's what one does when kids come into the picture. IS hot sex worth giving up ALL that you have in your life now? To "be" with a MM, come second ALL the time - Cuz he's not going to leave his wife for you. Think about your actions - Think of the consquences and how much you have to lose.
NoIDidn't Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Now certainly I don't want to defend lostsmile's actions, but why is it that the single OWs get gentle words and the MOW seem to be treated more harshly? I am not either, but it has always intrigued me. Lostsmile, I don't think that you are having the both of best worlds by a long shot. If anyone in your "square" found out, you would be living in the worst world possible with everyone hating you. I agree with movingon.
Jessie61 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Now certainly I don't want to defend lostsmile's actions, but why is it that the single OWs get gentle words and the MOW seem to be treated more harshly? I am not either, but it has always intrigued me. OK, I am only guessing... and I don't necessarily agree that MOW are treated any more harshly than single OW... BUT if that is indeed the case, could it be because in an MOW/MOM situation there is deception on 2 sides of the A in the sense that both MOW and MOM have obligations to another person? The single OW/OM has no obligations to anyone else and the only deception going on is perhaps that we are sometimes fooling ourselves..?
RealityCheck Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 OK, I am only guessing... and I don't necessarily agree that MOW are treated any more harshly than single OW... BUT if that is indeed the case, could it be because in an MOW/MOM situation there is deception on 2 sides of the A in the sense that both MOW and MOM have obligations to another person? The single OW/OM has no obligations to anyone else and the only deception going on is perhaps that we are sometimes fooling ourselves..? I'm with Jessie on this one! I'm a single OW and believe me there was much more controlling factors on the MM part because he knew he had power! He had no H or "male ego" for him to contend with!
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Usually MW stay M because they want to stay for the kids or (fill in your reasons). Not usually because the M is "not that bad." If its not that bad, I say work on it before it does get that bad. This situation can only go downhill from here.
NoIDidn't Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 OK, I am only guessing... and I don't necessarily agree that MOW are treated any more harshly than single OW... BUT if that is indeed the case, could it be because in an MOW/MOM situation there is deception on 2 sides of the A in the sense that both MOW and MOM have obligations to another person? The single OW/OM has no obligations to anyone else and the only deception going on is perhaps that we are sometimes fooling ourselves..? Not to T/J.... But I think that the single OW is just as deceptive as the MOW. Everyone involved is deceiving someone - even if it is just themselves. The net result is the same when the sh*t hits the fan, right? I think that the MM still has more power in these situations because the MW has more to lose - or so she perceives it so (as lostsmile says she thinks she will be out on the street if her H found out) But I digress....sorry about the t/j.
Sami_D Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Not to T/J.... But I think that the single OW is just as deceptive as the MOW. Everyone involved is deceiving someone - even if it is just themselves. The net result is the same when the sh*t hits the fan, right? I think that the MM still has more power in these situations because the MW has more to lose - or so she perceives it so (as lostsmile says she thinks she will be out on the street if her H found out) But I digress....sorry about the t/j. No, it's not the same at all. 'deceiving yourself' is IN NO WAY the same as lying to some other person you're supposedly having a relationship with. I have no idea how you could believe this. You lie to yourself, and make a hash of your own life... fine. You lie to someone else.. that's a whole different thing.
NoIDidn't Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 No, it's not the same at all. 'deceiving yourself' is IN NO WAY the same as lying to some other person you're supposedly having a relationship with. I have no idea how you could believe this. You lie to yourself, and make a hash of your own life... fine. You lie to someone else.. that's a whole different thing. I never said that "deceiving yourself" and deceiving someone else was the same. I said the net result was the same. Lots of people get hurt. And whether or not you have any idea as to how I could believe it, does not change the fact that I do. The end result is the same.
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