Sometimes People not mean what they say?

[RealBroken]

Thanks MTK, yeah i've read all that stuff. I know what I need to do.

Hard thing is it still hurts. i'm not in contact and wont be.

 

Is just nice to get peoples opinions and talk. This site has helped me at times gain a bit of 'peace of mind'.

 

Sometimes you think the worst, and sumtimes you just struggle.

Is good to hear what people think. Thanks and keep it coming.

 

Yeah am also interested..... why has she not posted my stuff back.

 

I also have her room heater..... which she's gonna need soon as we are approaching winter fast over here. I also have some beautiful large photos of her when she was a kid that I said I would touch up and blow up for her twenty first birthday party. These things are special obviously, do I give them back, or stay out of contact. Why has she not asked for them, maybe she will later.

 

She's bin online a bit today, obviously not out of town with visiting the new guy, and doubt he's with her at hers, coz she wouldn't be stuffin around on the net. Hey maybe, they aren't together in the end. Maybe they're taking it slow? ahhhh, no take it fast and crash and burn!

 

huuuhhhhhhh.

[RealBroken]

Went and saw the movie "the divinci code" tonight with my dad.

 

It was something myself and my ex had planned to do together when it came out. We spent days together reading the book. I remember lying in bed with her even, reading chapters to her.

 

This sucks. I went and saw it without her.

 

All Ive wanted to do all night is text message her and tell her all about the movie.

 

i hate this. Help!!!!!!!!

I cant believe how hard this is. Why is it sooo so so so hard for me, but not for her. She isnt a strong person either. Damn rebound!

[milokins]

Don't do it! I've felt the same way all week. I keep thinking, "what would one little text message hurt?" Just be strong and remember that if you text her it will be moving backwards instead of forwards.

 

Also, don't assume this isn't hard for her; everyone deals with things in their own way. The thing that sucks is that we can't get into their heads and see what they are thinking.

 

Would you be able to read my post "I'm so ..." and let me know what you think about my situation? I would like to get as many men's opinions as possible. Thanks and hang in there!

[RealBroken]

Yeah... I cant see how it wld be possible for her not to be thinkin of me I guess.

What i hate is.... she took so long to decide whether we should remain together and it was really hard on me. She knows she has decieved me a bit and that I also know too. Even though I told her its her life, good luck and that I dont hate her for what she's done, she probably believes im angry with her anyway...... If she ever did have second thoughts,.... I fear that she wouldn't contact me anyway out of fear. Fear of what i think, fear of my family and friends, fear of hurting me or giving hope again (after she did so many times in tryin to decide) unless necessary.

 

I guess what I'm sayin, is if she was even really down in the dumps and thinkin of me,... I wonder if she thinks she cant go back.

 

God its so hard to get your head around it when a person tells you "we are going to have a great life together and that I am the perfect catch" then 4 weeks later the relationship is over, and ive got strict instructions not to contact her from now on.

 

How the hell does that work?!?!?!

I'm so so sure the influence of friends and other people is at work here. They didnt like me through jealousy right from the start. Arrrggghhh!

 

Why is my love so unconditional for her!

[milokins]

I can relate to what you have said. About 2 weeks before our breakup, my ex got up to get a drink and asked, "do you want anything Mrs. *his last name*?" How do you go from implying marriage to not wanting to be in a relationship? How do someone's feelings change so quickly?

 

I also suspect that his friends and, more likely, his coach are influencing his decisions. I know his coach likes (or liked) me but I fear he may see me as a distraction. My ex is ranked top 3 in the country in his weight class, and will be going for a national title in the next year.

 

Your love is so unconditional because you let it be. Maybe our exes aren't ready to allow themselves to be vulnerable. I heard a song on the radio today that said something like, love hurts when only one person is in love. This got me thinking, maybe he just doesn't love me anymore. It devastates me to think this but maybe it is a truth I need to accept.

 

Is she a stubborn person? Would she be the type who is "too proud" to call you and admit she was wrong?

[RealBroken]

No I don't think she would apologise for being wrong. She is quite fearful of people not liking her, I wld say shes worried how I wld react.

Thats what I hate.

God i'm missing her. She's just wiped my slate clean. It feels like I never existed in her life. I hate it so much. Really upsets me.

[batesal]

I can relate to both of you. My ex the night of our breakup told me that she couldn't wait to see me when she got home. When she got home, she broke up with me. Now she is with a guy that she cheated on me with. You know what sucks about the whole thing, she calls me a bad man. I never lied, lusted, cheated, nothing, and she called me a bad man. That really hurts. I do agree with you Real Broken, she will not aplogize for hurting you, cause she feels that she didn't do anything wrong. The only thing you can do to forget her, is find new things to do that doesn't remind you of her or whatever. Another thing, I know this is something you don't want to hear, but it is the truth. a Second Chance will not happen when you want it to. If she is with someone, she HAS moved on and you are no longer a part of her life. She has done you wrong and she doesn't care. Until she gets hurt, she will be the way she is.

 

Batesal- Did the magazine give a statistic on how many of those relationships worked out? It would be comforting if most of these failed (hopefully).

 

 

MTK, One thing the mag pointed out was that almost 60-70% of female to male breakup occur becuase there is someone else in the picutre, and a second chance of getting with them is very small to none. Although when the breakup occurs that they tell you they want to be single, what they are telling you is that they want to be able to see what else is available for them even if that means they fall in love with someone else. It also said that in that 60-70%, most women leave their men, because they either abuse them, lie, cheat, or just plain don't pay attention to them. This is the important part: When a woman decides that she is done with the relationship, there is NOTHING you can do to make her change her mind, but giving her what she wants.

 

I am sorry that the information is not going in the direction that you want it to go. Life will get better.

[RealBroken]

Yup I believe during our troubles we had, some guys started giving her attention especially one in particular.

 

She was out without me one night with the girls, ...and i know she ran into this guy. Anyway she ran home in the dark, rang me and i came picked her up and took her to a party. She was clutching me real tight.

I suspect something happened (ie feelins arose for someone else and she panicked) that night she couldnt come to bed with me, said she felt uncomfortable, couldnt explain and left at 4am in the morning.

 

Then she saw the guy another night, went down hill from there.

I took her to my town for a couple of nights to try and ressurect things. Was fine until this guy started textin. She told me it was nothing and he was just a friend. (yeah right, caught her seeing him after we broke up)

 

Anyway, she was so so mixed up.... and she sent me this email the day we broke up........ obviously she hadn't made up her mind thus far but did a few hours later.

 

(oh yeah and she DID give me the i've never really been single line too)

 

 

Hey

I thought I would write you a email as a find it hard to express how I feel over the phone or face to face. I think you know I am not trying to play mind games with you I am just finding it really how to make my mind up about us. I think i make my mind up and then it changes again. Its kinda doing my head in, i can't even sleep properly any more thats not like me. I need to make my desion today as I can't do this anymore, its messing me up.

 

I know we have had some great times together. You told me to try and think of all the postives rather than the negatives and i have really being trying to do that. I have two groups of people telling me to do different things. I have been trying to stop listening to everybody else and just do what my heart tells me to do. Im just not getting anywhere. I need to make a desion and stick to it for both of us. I know this can't be easy on you just like its not easy on me.

 

I know how much you love me and if it wasn't for that i think this would have been all over a while ago. I made up a pros and cons list. That didn't help as it was basically even. I think if this was going to work you would have to move to XXXXX for the rest of the year. Thats a big ask on your behalf because what happened if you moved here got a job and then we broke up because it still wasn't working.

 

I know all those things that was getting me down you have changed. Thats a good thing:)

 

The thing that really gets me is we have only been going out for seven months and we have had a lot of issues to sort. I think you are right when you say most of that is caused from the long distance.

 

I don't know if this email has made any sense. Basically we need to make a desion today as we can't keep going on like this. Its not fair on both of us.

 

It would be good if you could email me back, txt or ring what you feel most comfortable with.

 

 

WHAT DO YOU PPL RECKON.

 

I'm finding things alot easier now.

 

I know that even 12 months from now I would jump at the opportunity to be with her again. Not because I think I'l still be in love...... but simply what we had was amazin until stuff happened out of our control. I would like a relationship like we had again.

 

Yeah, i think she wanted to see what else was out there. Think guys started to become nice....... she finally realised how damn pretty she really was. ha ha.

 

Even after she broke up with me she said she missed me heaps and wld always say goodnight.... that lasted a week. Been 3 weeks no contact.

 

But one day she freaked and became not nice (must have been because tryin to see other ppl)

 

I hope my bridges aren't burnt with her. I realise we cant have contact. But one day I really hope we can meet again if i haven't found someone else. We were great mates as well as lovers.

[RealBroken]

Batesal- do you think its a matter of them "thinking" they haven't done anything wrong..... or they would rather it was that way.... and con themselves into thinking what they have done is right.

[RealBroken]

She must know its not right because she always promised me she would do nothing of the sort.... in so many ways.

 

I guess other people tell them that too to make them feel ok.

[milokins]

I've come to realize that I'm not the best person to be giving out advice. I feel like, because I'm going through the same thing, my judgement is clouded. I want to believe that love conquers all but I'm starting to have some serious doubts. Sorry to be a downer...

[RealBroken]

Its good to here from a female perspective. I'm always glad to hear what you have to say Milokins.

Love is supposed to win all. However I think sometimes real life gets in the way or damages our fairy tales. Other people get in the way etc etc etc.

Staying positive is healthier than being down. Chin up girl.

[batesal]

Batesal- do you think its a matter of them "thinking" they haven't done anything wrong..... or they would rather it was that way.... and con themselves into thinking what they have done is right.

 

Well Yes and no. I'll explain.

 

She knows how you feel about her and I beleive that makes her feel good. Good that you are still in love with her after she broke your heart. She knows that if she calls you, you will pick up, and if you want to see her you will do anything to see her. I am sorry, but she is using you so she doesn't feel gulity about anything. What I mean is that the more you see her, and DO things for her, the better she will feel. "He Still loves me so I guess us breaking up was ok with him." I am not saying that she is thinking that or feeling that way, I am telling what I beleive she is thinking. I went through the same thing. If my ex called me I would run just to see her. I would call her to say Hello, I would Instant message, anything and everything. The more I did stuff for her, yeah it made me feel better, but it make things worse in the long run. I began to feel used and abused, and to her it was a game, and she loved the attention that she was getting, so she wouldn't change.

 

I beleive that you need to CUT HER OFF. In order to move on and get better, you need to beleive in yourself and make yourself happy. I felt the same way you did for at least 2 months. I have my ups and downs now, but it's life. It was get better. I am sorry that she has used you, but you can stop the abuse. Just say no next time she asks you to do something, and try not to answer the phone everytime she calls.

[RealBroken]

havent spoken to her in 3 weeks. She asked me not to. The chit chat between us must have unimpressed either her friends or a new man.

 

I haven't called and wont. It wont help my situation with gettin over her....... or reconcliation if ever...... especially if she got a new thing on with someone else.

 

I do realise that if one day she realises she made a mistake she will be back herself, and that I cannot convince her otherwise.

 

The only way for her to miss me is to not be there.

 

However, after its her that asked for no contact..... I'd be surprised if she does ever call because it was her request.....PRIDE.

I wanted to keep the door open and end things on a positive note, but she slammed it shut. Hard to understand. I just gotta stay outa the way.

[milokins]

I think that since she's the one who asked for no contact, she has to be the one to initiate contact. If you don't respect her wishes, there may never be any chance of reconcilliation.

 

Thanks for your kind words last night. I was feeling quite frustrated after hearing from his mom. I wanted her to say something like, "he doesn't love you anymore."

 

If she really loves you, she'll swallow her pride and pick up the phone.

[RealBroken]

Milokins, thats funny.... in a way. All i want to hear is that she STILL loves me. ?????

 

I hate this, one of my problems in her eyes, was that i closed down my business and went in search for my dream job, never found it, got quite down about it, turned broke. She accused me of not knowing where i was goin in life...... i did, just wasnt workin.

 

Anyway, just found out today.... I got my dream job!!!! It applies both my degrees, so uni wasnt a waste and its a great company. and its in both hers and mine home town. I know im gonna love it and get ahead in life. All I want to do is share the good news with her!!!! This sucks!!!

Damn it!!!!!

 

Keep your chin up milokins, ur situation doesn't sound that bad. It's def not OVER. You're a lucky one. I dnt wanna give u false hope or anything but he might just need some time. Be patient. My hearts with ya. I know how it feels, its horrible huh. Keep posting.

[milokins]

Congratulations on your new job!!

 

It's hard to hear that he still loves me because it gives me so much hope. I'm just scared that keeping my hopes up will lead to so much more heartache. I can't move forward with my life as long as I know he still loves me.

 

Sounds like you are going through a huge transition right now as well. I always tell my friends that it's like my life was in this perfect little box. I had a great boyfriend, my dream job (teaching kindergarten) and my skating team just won a medal at nationals. Then someone shook everything up and now I'm scambling to pick up all the pieces. I think getting your dream job is the first step to your future happiness.

 

Be sure to tell everyone you know about it and how excited you are, maybe word will get back to her.

 

On another note, check out the Nickelback song "Far Away" on lyrics.com. I was driving to my parents' house and this song came onto the radio. I cried the whole way there but it pretty much sums up what I think we are both going through right now.

 

I'll be here for you to talk to as long as you still need me.

[RealBroken]

Hey, yeah that songs a hard one.

Look at "Goodbye my Lover" by James Blunt. She told me a bit after our break up through cell message that it reminded her of what we went through. How do you take that one?!?!?

 

Today has been a really hard day. I thought i was coming right, but all of a sudden the tears are back. Its so hard. How come i miss her so much and i dnt have a sound from her.

[milokins]

Memories...

 

Yesterday was hard for me too. His fight was last night and it was hard not to to be there. I'm glad I didn't go though, I think it would have been worse if I was there. It seems like one minute I'm getting on with my life and the next I'm so sad I can't get up.

 

That song is heartbreaking. It seems to describe your situation more than her's though.

 

Have a great day!

[RealBroken]

I know,....... but why do you think she sent me that message about that song??? I know it was hard for her, and she was upset.

Do you think maybe she was stil upset when she sent it, or remembering.... or just saying goodbye?!

 

I think u not bein at the fight was good. Have you heard how he went?

[milokins]

He won. I talked to him today- very casual, I picked out the blinds for his new house and they called me to say they were ready. I called him to pass on the message, asked about the fight and congratulated him on his victory.

 

How long after the breakup did she send you that message? I'm not really sure what it means...

[mrniceguyclimber]

Hi REAL BROKEN , I hope your girlfriend realizes what she is losing and comes back to you . She is being FOOLISH . I honestly feel she will regret her leaving you . she may be busy dating others , but she must remember you , think of you at times , right ? I feel for you . I am going through the same thing . Good LUCK , YOU DESERVE IT . YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD MAN . I HOPE SHE REALIZES THAT . YOPU KNOW THEY SAY PEOPLE DONT APPRECIATE UNTIL THEY LOSE SOMETHING . MAYBE ON HER OWN SHE''L REALIZE . MRNICEGUYCLIMBER

[mrniceguyclimber]

I Hope Time Will Bring Her Back To You . Milokins I Agree That The Relationship She Is In May Not Last . She Cant Forget Real Broken So Quickly . She Should Eventually Think Of Their Relationship . Right Now She Is In The Honeymoon Phase With Rebound Guy . So It May Be Exciting And Fun And Keeps Her Mind Occupied , But Later On Reality May Hit Her She May Realize She Still Loves Real Broken . What Are Your Thoughts Everyone ? Mrniceguyclimber

[RealBroken]

Oh I hope so........

 

But cant help feel that she probably feels like she's burnt her bridges with me by the things she said and how she behaved in and after our breakup.

 

I tried to have it end nicely,...... but it seemed she couldnt cope with me being nice about it or something.

 

Its really hard, I almost think that what if, she's waiting for my call, and im waiting for hers. Its probably not like that now...... too soon. But what if later?

I just hate it how she forced it to be messy in the end when i was only trying to do good. Think she freaked out when i discovered her new guy and told her what i think. She just went to far though. you're not supposed to kick a guy in the teeth after all hes done is care and be good to you.

I remember breakin up with a girl after 4 months. e could have been ok friends but weren't compatible. i felt awful about it,.. and i was so compassionate and was there if she needed.

Why do girls have to turn around and kick you when ya down?

 

Are they protecting you or themselves.

 

She could have just said thankyou and goodluck........... not "f*ck off"

I think she must have pannicked. Thats what i hate. Because now where does that leave her.

Would have been better for the both of us if it was positive and caring.

[RealBroken]

Its stupid.

 

I still love and care about her so much. And i miss her so much too and all the things we used to do. We had a ball together!

 

I guess, those are the times that i know her by....... not the break up.

 

Why am i so forgiving.