RealBroken Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 What do people think about this. If someone has broken up with you, and obviously feels a bit guilty about it. Was a hard breakup and were tears from the dumper. If you tell them that you care, and what ever they decided to do (see someone else) is ok as long as they're happy........ does this entitle them or make them get angry with you and shut you out. Is it hard on someone when you're all of a sudden appear nice about it all and forgiving. I've been told it was probably the last thing she was expecting and me being gentle made it hard for her????? I'm the one that go really burnt, but she's made me feel like the one that did something wrong. I hope one day, she realises its ok to talk to me and that i'm not angry. Because she seemed so cold and "stay away from me" I'm just not contacting her, haven't in a while. But its hard as I dont want her to think she has 'done her chips' and cant contact me ever again.
milokins Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I think that she probably expected you to be hurt that she was breaking up with you and was insulted when you didn't respond in the way she thought you would. She may have misinterpreted your understanding as indifference. I think her ego has been bruised and hopefully she'll come around and give you a call, when she's ready.
Author RealBroken Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 Thanks I don't understand at all those reasons, but hey I'm a guy. ha ha don't get it at all. I'd be really glad that the person was taking it well, even after we had had initial bad words about it. I hope she does call one day, i'l always love her very much. She's with another guy now, hes just come out of a relationship too. I'm guessing I wont get a call as long as she's got him to take me off her mind. Is strange how she can jump over to another realtionship so fast. After all, we were very involved in each other. Anymore opinions to her reactions would be great thanks
Author RealBroken Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 She definately knows I was hurt. I expressed that to her naturally. She knows I was very upset and was expecting it. She was very upset as well. Wasn't an easy thing for her to do, letting me go. But then she just got angry. Man that hurts.
Guest Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 My ex initially tried being nice, but i was a mess of emotions (im a girl) and so he one time mumbled that he's tried everything but being mean, so thats what he's going to do to get me to understand that he doenst want me anymore (he was very confusing about it in the beginning, he told me there was a chance we could work it out, cried, told me he missed me so much). We lived across from eachother and he wouldnt talk to me, would avoid me at all costs (not answer his door, phone) and would sometimes wave when he passed by MAYBe come and say hi for a max of 2 min and then run away. Now that we're home for the summer he wont take calls, and i guess expects ill disappear never to be heard from again. He's been a total ass, even after he came to me and said he'd like to try to be friends. I dont get the angry, stay away from me response at all. I know this isnt easy for him, he cried to me about how much he misses me and how hard it is for him, but he is the one who isnt willing to try again with us even though I am willing to work on things. I dont need him to be a total jerk on top of it... it doesnt help me get over him, just makes me even more depressed that I was once " the missing piece of his puzzle" and am now treated like the plague... maybe worse. So maybe your ex is trying to spare your feelings? Or maybe she just isnt sure about what she wants and is hurting just as much as you and is trying to figure it out, but needs TOTAL space to do it? I dont really know.. but if I figure out something ill let you know!
milokins Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I think she jumped into her current relationship so quickly for the exact reason you stated- to get you off her mind. Also, sorry I misinterpreted your original post. I still suspect that she is hurt that you told her it's okay to move on. Then again, if I was an expert on relationships I probably wouldn't be here right now
Author RealBroken Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 I think she jumped into her current relationship so quickly for the exact reason you stated- to get you off her mind. I dunno why, but thats kinda a comfort. Otherwise it feels like I meant nothing, which i know is not true. So does it totally work,.... jumping in with another guy. Does it really take your mind off completely? I guess if it was really good it would, which is usually the case in the beginning. Ouch. As bad as it sounds, i hope the relationship with them fails. I know that if we had met at different stages in our lives, none of this would have happened. It sucks. I know that she knew I would like to marry her one day, think this scared her,....although she always talked about it excitedly, but think she started askin questions, influenced by people around her friends etc. She is younger than me. I wish that she hadn't been.
Big_A Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 This is pretty much what happened with me. She met someone else and left me for him. I am hurt, very badly. However I love her and I told her I understood. I did not throw her stuff out in the street or yell and scream. I simply told her that if I have to let her go, then she can go. This made things much harder on her. She has so much guilt, because our relationship was fine, we were just apart too much. I refer to her new bf as a shiny object that distracts her from her guilt (btw – she also has a dependant family member that she’s ignoring now as well, so there is a lot more guilt). She hasn’t gotten angry with me because of it, but she is so F’ed up that she left most of her stuff behind and had to start taking anti-depressants. The one thing I can say is that I did the right thing. I worked hard to reconcile and I did everything I could to make sure things did not get ugly. I’m proud of that fact and I think you should be proud of yourself as well.
Author RealBroken Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 Any thoughts on does jumping to someone else after a break up really take all your mind off another person.????
Author RealBroken Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 When I met this girl, I had started seeing another girl (just a couple of times) but I chose the one that I had a realtiosnhip with. Now this other one has heard of the break up and is in touch. I could go there. But really would feel bad about it. It would feel wrong. How come my ex doesnt feel wrong jumpin in the deep end with another guy? Is it a girl thing. PS: was a very intimate relationship between us. It did mean something.
milokins Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I, personally, have never jumped from one relationship to another but I have many friends who have. Most of these friends have low self-esteem and can't stand to be alone. For example, one friend was in a four year live-in relationship when they broke up, she moved out and I let her live with me until she found a new place. Within a week, she had a new boyfriend. She got too serious with him, too quickly in order to start where she left off with her ex. After about a month, they broke up. She never did get back together with her ex (sorry) but he was an a**h*** who treated her very badly. Some people can't stand to be alone and need another person in their life to feel complete. As for the other girl, don't go there unless it's for the right reasons. Make sure you are over your ex and don't do it to get back at her. That's just my opinion. Let me know what you decide.
Author RealBroken Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 As for the new girl, she only wants casual. I guess it may take my mind off things..... probably not. Oh I hate the thought of my ex just jumpin in with another guy who has also just come out of a relationship,.... and them just starting where they had both finished off with their old partners. God, they'll be moved in and married before you know it. Its like I prepped her for someone else. Please let it fail! She's young and needs to learn alot. i hope she goes through some lessons to wake her up. huuhhhh. Why do I stil love her so.
andyp6 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 RealB I'm there too. My ex is with another guy now...he's a jerk thats what gets me even more. his own sister can't stand him and is against their being together. I feel the same as you
Author RealBroken Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 Keep in touch Andyp, I'm interested to see if these relationships are setups for failure. God I hope so. What you reckon?
milokins Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Love works in funny ways. It's amazing when I think of how blind I have been in past relationships because I was so in love with the guy. It's almost certain that things won't work out with your ex and the new guy. I can't guarantee anything (wouldn't it be nice if I could?) but neither of them have had time to heal or forget about their past relationship. Isn't it funny, in a sadistic way, how relationships work? Wouldn't it be nice if 2 people could love each other equally and stay in love for ever? Anyways, talking to you has really helped me keep my mind off of things, so thank you for that. Hang in there, everything will be okay
andyp6 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 From what I know about this guy...2 ex wives..I don't think it will work...god knows i hope not...then the question is if she wants to come back! Time will tell i guess.....
Author RealBroken Posted May 27, 2006 Author Posted May 27, 2006 My ex is with a guy thats long distance (2 hours) like we were. Sucks because they wont be in each others faces all the time to mess it up easy. Will only c each other on weekends like we did...... until the end of the year when she finishes university that is. Its so hard for me, especially on weekends, and my mind just races. I hate it. I miss her so so much. My ex ex text me tonight. Not at all excited, mind you we never really had anything but a fling, was never special. This sucks. I just want my sweet heart back.
batesal Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 I think she jumped into her current relationship so quickly for the exact reason you stated- to get you off her mind. Most of these friends have low self-esteem and can't stand to be alone. For example, one friend was in a four year live-in relationship when they broke up, she moved out and I let her live with me until she found a new place. Within a week, she had a new boyfriend. milokins is right. I feel that the only reason why people breakup with someone, then within a couple of weeks get together with someone else, is because they don't like to be by themselves, and also to get you off their mind. While this is very dangerous to do, ALOT of people do it everyday. Yes, I actually read in a dating mag that most people who "breakup" after being with someone for more than 2 years, hop into another relationship cause they don't want to remind themselves of why they left that person. So you are broken up, hurt, angry, emotional, etc. and they are having fun or whatever with someone else. Everything that I have just said happened to me. But what is the biggest saddest thing is that when you are ready to settle your life down, that's when everything happens, and your life changes. You cannot predict the future, but you can make sure that no matter what happens you are happy and you move on. It is a hard long road to forget someone and only remember what you want to about them, but it is what needs to happen in order to be able to start another relationship with someone.
milokins Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Batesal, sounds like we have a lot in common when it comes to relationships and the types of guys we've dated...
Author RealBroken Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 So how well does it work...... being with someone else to forget another I mean. Does it take everything away, or do you think she still thinks of me. i don't really uderstand it.
milokins Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 I think it takes her mind off of you but she must still think of you. I have had boyfriends that I still think of years after we break up. I went out for my birthday last night and surrounded myself with friends. I admit, I thought of my ex a lot less than ususal but he was still on my mind. Today, I have been relaxing (getting over my hangover) at home, alone and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I think she is using him as a distraction. I don't understand it either...
Author RealBroken Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 Yea, its hard to not take offence. Simply because i know WE meant alot to her and it was upsetting for her to break up as well as me. After we broke up she would message me saying she was finding it really hard and would still say goodnight. Then it all of a sudden stopped. I contacted her and she ripped me up saying not to contact her. I know I cant coz she'll get mad again.... probably, esp if shes still with him. Do u think that giving a quick message further down the track at xmas or birthday, would be ok........ if she's not with him anymore. How would you react?
Author RealBroken Posted May 28, 2006 Author Posted May 28, 2006 Is strange. I'm sitting her on the computer...... I can see she is online n MSN messanger. Why hasn't she blocked me? I've blocked her.... only for the reason that i dont want her to consistantly see me online,.... and deliberately ignore me. Because that would start the whole uncomfortableness...... esp if I saw her again. i just find it really strange she hasn't blocked me. She still has some of my stuff and i have some off hers. Why hasn't she sent it back. Does she want to keep it,.... or holdin on to it so maybe one day she can 'give' it to me if u know what I mean.
Big_A Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 RB, it sounds like you're having a rough time with this. As much as it hurts to think of her with someone else and I know because at this very moment the woman I love more then anything in the world is with another man, you have to do your best not to dwell on the situation. I also understand wishing that their relationship will fall apart. The best thing you can do right now is get out at create new memories that don't involve her. Find things to do that will get your mind to focus on things that she is not a part of. Here is the deal, make your life about you and not about her. Good Luck
MTK Posted May 28, 2006 Posted May 28, 2006 Get out and about RB; you sound like a great guy that's just getting played for the moment. She's probably looking for excitement at a young age and doesn't want the "slow" pace life at the moment. Get out there and show everyone that even if you're ready to settle down, you can still show a good time to anyone. You can always hope that the relationship will fail, but definately don't do anything to interfere with her/new bf. Just makes you look like the jerk instead of the bf. It will probably take her a little while to realize how much of a crappy guy he is since it sounds like she hasn't been in a lot of relationships at all. Anyone-What's the significance of keeping things from past bf's/gf's from the dumper's point of view? I have a ton of stuff from my ex that she said I could keep and she said she was going to keep the stuff I had given her. Batesal- Did the magazine give a statistic on how many of those relationships worked out? It would be comforting if most of these failed (hopefully). I guarantee RB that she's thinking of you, probably remembering the nice things about you especially. But let her go, do NC, heal yourself/ and improve for a possible 2nd time around a while later. Two things will happen, you'll meet another fantastic girl, or maybe the other will come back to a "new" RB. Give her some space, and try to move on (or at least at like it in public). She'll probably get curious as to what you're up to and why you aren't clinging/bothering her. It'll suck, but you can get through it. Here are some threads that you might "enjoy"- use the search function to find out more stats, opinions, stories. My s***e situation (sort of like yours) NC guide Caliguy help
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