EC Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Hey everyone! I am an old member come back now due to a break up. To sum it up: I was dating this guy for two years. The first year was long distance. He was away at school living with his three best single guy friends while I was at home working full time. We had issues with turst and him partying every weekend and only seeing eachother once a month. It was hard but we got though it and then he finaly moved down to be with me. He moved into an apartment with his brother closer to me and things were ok for a while. But him being so close and spending so much time together I began to notice little things I didnt like. For ex; his attitude towards people. Lets say a fast food restaurant would mess up his order he would scream at them and give attitude instead of just asking politely for them to fix it. The second issue was his addiction to porn and him thinking sex always had to be like in the porn movies. I went through serious self image issues because of this and felt unnatractive and unsexy. I felt unappreciated as well. Dont get me wrong I loved him but I just wished I could change these two things about him. Eventually I ran into another guy who was giving me all th attention I needed. I 'thought' things would be better with this guy and though secretly I think I went for this guy because I wanted to shock my bf and let him see miss me and realize what he had. So I was honest with my bf I didnt cheat. I told him I couldnt take his addiction to porn and that I felt unappreciated and that I was going to date. He didnt take the break up well and I got the reaction i wanted he said he would change and get rid of the porn and that to please give him a second chance. I didnt because actions speak louder than words and so I ignored his pleas and dated this other guy. He came to my house one day and saw me leave with this other guy and started venting to everyone that he coudltn believe how fast I got over him and that I never loved him..that he had had enough and he was going to move on. So now hes living the single life having a blast..I left the other guy because I wasnt over my ex and couldnt pretend to be. I miss my ex sooooo much but I refuse to apologize or go crawling back to him when I left him in the first place for his f*** ups. Hes mad that I 'left' him for another guy. Im so confused I dont know what to do. I feel guilty now when at the back of my mind I know I shouldnt? Should I? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Sorry to hear about your breakup, EC. If you said you know you shouldn't feel guilty then I'm not sure why you're asking if you should. I don't see any reason to. I don't know if these are the only issues you guys had but it sounds like you're pretty sure that he wasn't meeting your needs. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Welcome back EC, sorry about the circumstances though. Try not to feel guilty...Tanbark is right, if there is no guilt, then don't put it ON yourself. It's just going to make you feel worse. People don't change unless they want to...That's the bottom line. So his porn use and the way he was with people in general, having a temper fit in public - All that is who he is. For him to tell you he'll change, that's impossible, unless he got therapy to help him change his ways of handling things and to change his thinking patterns. Seem too, that the LD relationship was hard enough to begin with, trust issues, not enough time alone together to BUILD the relationship up. Then when he moved closer to you, both of you got to know eachother abit more, and it wasn't what it was 'supposed' to be. Hang in there and I hope you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 You did the right thing in leaving this guy and not going back to him. There were problems from the beginning. There is no reason to feel guilty. You did this for a reason, he had issues and you don't have to deal with them. Take this time to heal and learn from it. It's hard, but in the end, it will be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted May 25, 2006 Author Share Posted May 25, 2006 Thank you everyone. Whichwayisup You got it. Its true I just miss him so much right now but I guess your right. I need to deal that he wasn't the one and move on. I just miss having some one. Havent been alone in years. Being alone is scary lol Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Thank you everyone. Whichwayisup You got it. Its true I just miss him so much right now but I guess your right. I need to deal that he wasn't the one and move on. I just miss having some one. Havent been alone in years. Being alone is scary lol You are NOT alone, you are a single gal, who knows what she wants, and is sick of being put on the back burner when you deserve better. i too recently ended my 3.5 yr. relationship.... i was unhappy, it was going nowhere but backwards, and he was no longer invested But did not have balls enough to do it himself. feel empowered that you have the strength to make decisions that will positively affect the outcome of your life....No one else will do it! the change is different, different sometimes feels scary, unpredictable.... but change is good. One ending is Another beginning.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 One ending is Another beginning.. This is very true. And as hard as it will be for you to be on your own, and scary - You will become stronger because of it. Take it from me, miss anxiety Queen here - Don't be afraid to LIVE life and take chances...Take the bad days as they hit you and accept them as just that. Bad days. Live for your good days and enjoy them. Those days are rough but you will push through it all. It just happens! Hugs EC. PS Did I tell ya I'm glad to see you back here on LS? Just nice to see old regulars back online here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EC Posted May 25, 2006 Author Share Posted May 25, 2006 Heyyy whichwayisup!! Yeah I have actually missed LS for a while but In a way it was good that i didnt need it right?? lol Well Yeah i will have to take the bad days as bad days and move on. It just kills me that he's thinking haha it didnt work out with that guy and now shes missing me but I wont go back because sheleft me for another guy. But Iguess if he really thinks that way then he has no understanding of what I was talking about or what was going on or he just chooses to se what he wants to see and Im so past that. I did good and I dont regret it. I just need stuff to do now. I made a To do list and Im starting the gym again so hopefully that willkeep me distracted. It just sux that all my friends aren't single now so I cant really go out with them right now and they are so happy they cant really be there for me right now. I will survive though. His loss. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Exactly! His loss! That's good that you've made plans for yourself to keep busy. Don't forget to pamper yourself too eh! LS...People leave for a little while, but then they always come back. I like to say, once LS is in your blood, you're an addict! Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 so true WWIU, we are addicts....but moderately. i have started exercising...is nothing else i am gonna look damn good! plus it relieves sooo much stress! i swim, and this man asked me the other day what i was "fueled" with....i told him it was stress and he laughed....but it is soo true! and i find i do get sad, because i did love the x....but i am, as a whole, a much happier and less feeling like i need to walk on egg shells because the x is gone....... Link to post Share on other sites
RichNZ Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 No-one can make us feel guilty. it is something we create ourselves. Theres usually a reason. Maybe u do actually feel quite guilty (u know the whole story best) but your friends maybe telling you otherwise. You know best. ( : Maybe just apologise if it will help. You don't need to go back I guess, but saying I'm sorry will help you? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 but saying I'm sorry will help you? no it will not!!! NC is the ONLY way, from here on out...... or at least 2-3 years! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts