RichNZ Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 What do you think? Is including an ex's email address amongst others in a bulk email which you occasionally send to all your friends letting them know how u are and what you up to a bad thing? I am wondering because; A) Your ex is not communicating back to you (makin healin hard) and you are not directly communicating with your ex, you've just included them with your friends. B) It allows you to show your ex, how happy and on with life, confident etc you are and what you are achieving without them. Showing them you are back to yourself again. I'm thinking not straight away, but maybe after 4-8 weeks of no contact? Hard situation for me. I suggested including her in bulk emails and she was ok with that, only contact she WAS ok with. But she still sent a couple of texts. But later after I stumbled across her in town with new boy and I had some words to say ie" you are being shallow being with someone this quick", and then an apology card saying, "hey aslong as your happy and its your decision, goodluck with everything, i'm here as a friend if u ever need me" Her response to the card was, dont contact me from now on. What you reckon, bulk email an idea maybe in a month or two?
daphne Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 No. No contact is exactly that. No contact. Either do it or don't but you're making excuses to cheat. You're cheating yourself.
mental_traveller Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 No contact means no contact. So no emails to her, regardless of whether they are also addressed to others. On another issue, you know one thing I really hate is when people group email and include my address. Basically they are giving my email address to 50 random people, half of whom I've never met. How rude can you get? It's like when people tell strangers where you live.
Author RichNZ Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 Most people I know including myself dont give a crap, and arent that sensitive. Is good to hear from people. I don't want to totally move on. I want to keep the doors open to this girl. I need to know if this is a good way to do it, because i don't wanna block her out of my life for ever. it aint gonna happen sorry. I might for now, but later on, I would like to try again. Whether ppl believe this is good of not, I dont care. So if anyones got any advice on 'how to go about it' cool, let me know. Much appreciated.
eyeswideshut Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 do not ever send her a bulk email thing. It's desperate and obvious. I used to get those bulk email things from guys who were too chicken to talk to me or ask about me personally. As if I'd respond! Bulk emails are insulting no matter who sends them and for what purpose other than to save time. The bulk email thing is the absolute worst thing for you to do. As well as "accidentally" bumping into her. As well as asking how she's doing and pretending you are fine with it when you are not. There is nothing worse than trying to appear cool, when obviously you're not. (i'm not saying YOU, but in general, when you are hurting, and pretending you're ok) If you are hurt, she knows it now, and she doesn't want to face it. If you want to talk to her, there is nothing you can do basically. It's s***ty and hard, but ask yourself, do you want to be in the presence of someone who doesn't want to be with you? you really have to back off (and I mean this gently) because she will feel the pressure and she may actually get mad. The only way you will ever talk to her, is if she comes to her senses (this will only happen if you give her a cooling down period, and respect her wishes) and then she will call you. In that event, your response is: hi, how are you? and act as though you understand it's over. When she believes you UNDERSTAND this, she may trust you enough to be friends. Once you are friends, you act as a friend. With the knowledge it's over. With you're incredible charm and cool, and respect, and friendliness, she may or may not reconsider. But there is no other way to get a girl back.
Author RichNZ Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 I guess ur probably right. ) : The thinkg I'm really afraid of, is that because the last time we spoke was really when I discovered the new guy and was obviously not impressed, she may feel she can't contact me. The act of me not contacting her EVER (ie after 3-4 months) may lead her to believe that i really dont like her. She may be afraid to c if I want to be a mate. How do I let her know the door is open?
Author RichNZ Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 dont wanna burn any bridges that could be possibly left open. U know what I mean. There must be a way.
Rosalind Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I don't want to totally move on. then send the stupid group email...tho IMO it's pathetic and oh so obvious.
norajane Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Her response to the card was, dont contact me from now on. What you reckon, bulk email an idea maybe in a month or two? What part of "don't contact me from now on" is unclear to you? How do you reckon that "from now on" means "for a month or two". No contact from now on means she does NOT want to hear from you. Not now, not in a month from now, not two months from now, not ever. If you contact her, you'll just piss her off that much more.
Author RichNZ Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 I know, but orgionally it wasn't that way. She freaked out and got stupid when i discovered the rebound guy. I haven't contacted her in two weeks and don't want to. i'm just askin if there is a way to allow someone to know, bridges aren't burnt. ie Im not hating her, so its ok to say hi if she wants too.
Art_Critic Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I know, but orgionally it wasn't that way. She freaked out and got stupid when i discovered the rebound guy. You're talking about her like she is doing something wrong and hiding it from you.. You are broken up.. so you didn't discover her rebound guy that she was hiding from you.. She has moved on by getting with someone else.. BURNT BRIDGE #1 You need to go out and find you someone that you can have fun with yourself.. the best revenge is living well
Author RichNZ Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 I asked her about him twice when we were still together but going thru the break up. Her father asked her aswell. She denied it. So yes she was hiding it from me. Didnt wanna hurt me or feel bad I guess. She didnt break up with me for him, we were discussing the seperation before they met, but they met amongst it all, so guess was the straw on the camels back.
alphamale Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 But later after I stumbled across her in town with new boy what? is she dating a 10 year old? WTF! and I had some words to say ie" you are being shallow being with someone this quick", bad move... and then an apology card saying, "hey aslong as your happy and its your decision, goodluck with everything, i'm here as a friend if u ever need me" even worse move... Her response to the card was, dont contact me from now on. thats probably a good idea. you already look like half a man. What you reckon, bulk email an idea maybe in a month or two? look RNZ. this woman does not care about you any more. Let your ego know this...she has moved on and so should you. Bulk email?!? WTF you must be joking.
Art_Critic Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I asked her about him twice when we were still together but going thru the break up. Her father asked her aswell. She denied it. So yes she was hiding it from me. Didnt wanna hurt me or feel bad I guess. She didnt break up with me for him, we were discussing the seperation before they met, but they met amongst it all, so guess was the straw on the camels back. You're incrediable... can her being with someone else be any clearer ???? Who cares about her Dad.. he isn't the one banging her.. the new guy is..
alphamale Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 You're incrediable... can her being with someone else be any clearer ???? hmm A_c...maybe this is CaliGuy incognito
RealBroken Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Hey RichNZ. I know how you are feeling. Ignore some people here. From what I can see, some people have some real sound and nice advice, while others have not alot of compassion. What will be will be. You know this girl best. Keep up the NC and see where it leads.
lone56wolf Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 RichNZ.... I hate to be terribly direct here, but what part of NO is it you can't understand? Don't be baited by her little game. If she said NO CONTACT, and she's still sending the odd thing to you, she is enjoying her power trip at your expense. Leave her alone and move on before find yourself in a hospital or behind bars. Again ... sorry about the blunt instrument. Wolf PS... For the record, I have been where you are right now. It still hurts.
Author RichNZ Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 Ahhh, I'm not in contact with her. (behind bars!?!?!?) I've left her alone. Im just asking if one day whats the best way of saying hi, because I dont want it to be all nasty. Soon (7months) we will be living very close to each other and I'd rather it not be uncomfortable everytime i stumble across her....... live in a very small town. I guess I'l just have to take it when it comes at the time.
lone56wolf Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Behind bars.... You are driving yourself crazy over this. Insanity makes people do odd things. Cross that bridge in seven months. There's no need to dwell on it today. If she sends you anything, just click "delete" Chin up, mate. It's not a nice place to be but you're not there alone. Wolf
GB111 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Oh Rich, Isn't this the second string regarding this woman? Seems to me you got the same advice on the other post. Listen. People here know what they're saying. It may not be what you want to hear, and some may be more blunt than others, but the song remains the same. Please, stop trying to think of some loophole to the situation. She has asked you for NO CONTACT. If you cannot understand that this is the best thing for you, than let me appeal to you on her behalf: "Please, Rich, leave me alone. I am moving on and do not want to speak with you. Please do not call me, email me, IM me, bulk message me, add me to your mailing list, telegraph me, morse code me, radio me, carrier pidgeon me, text message me, serenade me, stalk me, drive by my house, or anything else. When I say "please do not contact me" that refers to all means of communication. I do not want to see, hear, taste, smell, or feel you. Thank you for your respect in this regard. If you leave me alone, perhaps I will contact you at some point in the future. If you do not, I will never speak to you again, and will assume you are a psycho. Thanks! -Your Ex"
Author RichNZ Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 I wont contact her and i havent contacted her. Yeah was just lookin for a loop hole. Guess its really hard. Just wanna know how she is. Wanna wish ehr happy birthday. But cant. I will be just continuing with life and making me better. Hopefuly one day il hear from her.
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