No Contact a good idea?

[radiation7740]

I am a balanced guy now. Balanced guys call their girlfriends only once or twice a week & wait 1-2 days to return her calls. So I believe in doing NC for 4-5 days a week.

[typical]

I can still be in a relationship and hate her at the same time.

 

This sounds vaguely familiar.....

 

You love her, but she is not falling in line with what you need. This causes you to hate her, *immensely* because you cant stop her. You want her. Too much. You hate that you want her too much and she seems not to care as passionately either way....

 

or..

 

you hate yourself and you hate her for loving you...cut off your nose to spite your face?....

 

or...

 

(insert what everyone else said here)

 

*outlook foggy*

[Ashley]

Let's get this post back on topic Also, Please stop personally attacking each other. That is agianst Loveshack.org guidelines. Repeated offenses will get you banned.

 

Thanks.

ashley

 

Like they say in the Bambi... "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!" .

[radiation7740]

This sounds vaguely familiar.....

 

You love her, but she is not falling in line with what you need. This causes you to hate her, *immensely* because you cant stop her. You want her. Too much. You hate that you want her too much and she seems not to care as passionately either way....

 

or..

 

you hate yourself and you hate her for loving you...cut off your nose to spite your face?....

 

or...

 

(insert what everyone else said here)

 

*outlook foggy*

 

 

What does it mean to cut off one's nose to spite one's face?

[SweptAway]

Wow. Sounds like I'm your girlfriend.

 

I am/was in a similar situation.

Everything was swell until he decided out of nowhere...to ignore me. Not reply to messages. Be completely unwilling to see me. I know he's depressed. That doesn't scare me, I have a long rollercoaster ride of mental illness myself (that was hard to write and acknowledge by the way). I didn't want ANYTHING more than to be around him, have his attention, have fun with him..because we got along like a house on fire and I wanted to be there for him aswell. Not for his money (doesn't have much). I still unfortunately have to see him at work and be all nice and act like nothing's happened because I don't have any dignity left and I can't raise the issue - I can't humiliate myself again. It hurts too much. And I STILL care about him (I question my own mental health again).

 

So I'm left with the folowing questions:

Am I fat? Ugly? Was it all about the chase? Did I do something wrong? Did I say the wrong thing? Did I push him into soemthing he didn't want? Aren't I good enough? blah blah blah self blame self criticism, denial, tears, frustration, anger, hate, more self blame, self pity. Ie. I'm a big mess over it all.

 

All this why? Because I cared about someone and he chose to play games with me? I didn't ask for this. All I did was care about him. All the time. I absolutely adored him and I am still asking myself what happened. I'm so confused.

 

So you know what? Don't be immature, be a grown up and tell her what the problem is before she goes into a mental breakdown over what she thinks she has done wrong ( and she has done NOTHING wrong, or so it seems). Its not hard to tell her you need some space rather than ignoring her. I don't think its fair that she has to suffer as well as you.

 

End rant.

[radiation7740]

Telling her I need space would produce the same results. She will just assume that I'm seeing somebody else. Isn't that what you would assume your bf is doing even if he had the courtesy to tell you that he needed space?? That's usually what people assume anyway when their partner says they need space.

 

If I told her she needed space & she came on these boards and asked for advice on what I mean then the majority of posters here would tell her that I'm probably seeing someone else. She would believe what a bunch of strangers on LS said and never give me the benefit of the doubt.

[Mary3]

No, not really. You could talk to her about it. You could tell her about your depression and that you're working on it and that you'd like to be alone because you're awful when you're depressed. You could give her a choice, because frankly, just disappearing is cowardly and selfish and more than a little silly.

 

Excellent Post ! Great advice.

[Mary3]

Woman are attracted to men who know what they want and what they need and the difference between those too. And men who have a full and complete life (not desperate and clingy.)

 

NOT men who are selfish bastards who play games just for the hell of it. I think you misinterpreted the original message. Big difference.

 

If, in order to survive, you "need" solitude then that is acceptable. But if it's only a want, (meaning you won't die without it) and you've put an undue amount of emotional pain or stress on your partner, then that is selfish.

 

A want has to be communicated fully and comprimised on by both people in the relationship. A need is something that is so vitally important that the person cannot live his/her life without it. Ie. food, water, shelter. Some men classify sex in that category. Some women affection.

 

A need doesn't have to be comprimised on. It does however have to be communicated to your partner. At least if you want to continue the relationship it has to be.

 

Right on Advice