No Contact a good idea?

May 25, 2006

Is it ever a good idea to apply NC with the person I'm dating? I believe in applying it with an ex but I wonder if applying it with a current gf would be good for the relationship?

May 25, 2006

Geez. If my bf suddenly stopped talking to me, answering my calls or emails, avoided me and acted like I didn't exist..... I'd leave his ass.

No contact while in a relationship is cruel. Consider if all of your friends were to stop talking to you for a week, two week, however long you plan to put this into effect. Or maybe empathy isn't one of your strong suits....

No contact is meant to create distance. A way to get someone out of your mind and heart in order for you to move on with your life. Its an act imposed on another with no concern for how the other will feel about it. Its a selfish act. You don't take the other persons thoughts or feelings into consideration anymore. Which is exactly how it should be after one or both of the people have decided not to be in each others lives anymore.

Relationships are supposed to be comprimise, communication, and working together as a team. Working through problems together, and sharing both good and bad together.

Why do you feel no contact would work for your situation. Maybe if you said what the problem is, some of the posters on here could give you a better way to resolve it, and ideas to help the two of you deal with problems better in the future better.

May 25, 2006

NC while in a relationship is cruel and immature. Better have a good reason like better be in a hospital in a coma.

It is best that one of you decides to go for a break or break up, using NC is understandable. Falling off the planet when one verbally calls it quits is understandable.

How would you feel while in a relationship just left without a word?

I at least called and said I gave up and wish her the best, NC afterwards.

May 25, 2006

The problem is when I go through depression I don't feel like talking to anybody. I purposely take the phone off the hook & hide especially from the girl I'm dating. I don't want the person I'm dating to ever see me depressed so I figure NC is the best option until I come out of the depression.

May 25, 2006

Hopefully, you're treating the depression (with a professional overseeing the treatment, of course)....and as for hiding your condition from your current girlfriend, -*tell her*.

She needs to know.

-Rio

May 25, 2006

The problem is when I go through depression I don't feel like talking to anybody. I purposely take the phone off the hook & hide especially from the girl I'm dating. I don't want the person I'm dating to ever see me depressed so I figure NC is the best option until I come out of the depression.

This sounds like a great way to get dumped. What makes you think she's going to sit around and wait? Don't be surprised if you disappear and she moves on.

May 25, 2006

This sounds like a great way to get dumped. What makes you think she's going to sit around and wait? Don't be surprised if you disappear and she moves on.

I'm more likely to get dumped if I'm in contact with her during one of my depressed episodes. So if you are right then I'm in a no win situation. I can turn left or turn right and still get dumped.

May 25, 2006

What you're saying, Rad, is that "If I suffer from depression, then I can't be in a relationship".

Not true.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself: do something about it.

Depression can be treated successfully.

There's no reason for depression, alone, to be the cause for lonliness.

Zero in on the *problem*, then *act* on solving it.

-Rio

May 25, 2006

I'm more likely to get dumped if I'm in contact with her during one of my depressed episodes. So if you are right then I'm in a no win situation. I can turn left or turn right and still get dumped.

No, not really. You could talk to her about it. You could tell her about your depression and that you're working on it and that you'd like to be alone because you're awful when you're depressed. You could give her a choice, because frankly, just disappearing is cowardly and selfish and more than a little silly.

May 25, 2006

No, not really. You could talk to her about it. You could tell her about your depression and that you're working on it and that you'd like to be alone because you're awful when you're depressed. You could give her a choice, because frankly, just disappearing is cowardly and selfish and more than a little silly.

My depression is none of any woman's concern.

May 25, 2006

My depression is none of any woman's concern.

Uh, it IS if she's involved with you.

May 25, 2006

My depression is none of any woman's concern.

Well, then, maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship.

If you just disappear, I promise the last thing she will suspect is that you just wanted some time alone. If you did that to me, I'd assume you were seeing someone else, and I'd consider us broken up and move on.

May 25, 2006

Well, then, maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship.

If you just disappear, I promise the last thing she will suspect is that you just wanted some time alone. If you did that to me, I'd assume you were seeing someone else, and I'd consider us broken up and move on.

If she could walk away that easily then she never really loved me in the first place. It is true that women could care less about my welfare. They are only in the relationship for themselves. So your statement just proves my point.

May 25, 2006

I'm the type of person who wants to work out problems in a relationship. Most women will take the easy way out and leave when there is any sign of a problem. I feel a break up should be a last resort. It's obvious from most of the posts on here that unless the relationship is perfect one must break up as their only option.

May 25, 2006

You wouldn't even call your bf to check in & see if he's ok? You'd just assume he was seeing someone else? If you can't even give him the benefit of the doubt then why should anyone want to date you in the first place?

May 25, 2006

I'm the type of person who wants to work out problems in a relationship. Most women will take the easy way out and leave when there is any sign of a problem. I feel a break up should be a last resort. It's obvious from most of the posts on here that unless the relationship is perfect one must break up as their only option.

What if she did that to you? Just suddenly refused to talk to you? I mean, what time period are you talking about here, a day or a few weeks? A day or two and then calling and saying, sorry, I was busy is one thing. But if some guy was dating your sister or some other girl you think of as a person and he disappeared on her for a couple of weeks, what would you tell her to do?

You know, girls do this too, all this "testing" to see if someone really loves them enough to put up with miles and miles of crap. Creating drama for no reason other than to enjoy the fireworks. This works until you get out of college. Once you date grownups, this will not fly. I won't be treated like crap just to salve someone's ego, and neither would most healthy people.

Depression is a very serious problem. If you're really depressed, I hope you get help. And I think you'd be surprised how understanding and helpful people can be. (Women are people, you know) But more and more this sounds like a test to see how much crap this girl will tolerate for you. And that's just mean.

May 25, 2006

You wouldn't even call your bf to check in & see if he's ok? You'd just assume he was seeing someone else? If you can't even give him the benefit of the doubt then why should anyone want to date you in the first place?

Didn't you say you don't take her calls? Of course I would try to get in touch with him. But no contact means, well, no contact. If he refused my calls and didn't call me back or email me or anything, then yeah I would call him a couple of times but I can take a hint.

And very classy to say no one would ever date me. Like you would know.

May 25, 2006

The way I see it, you want to do no contact on your chick. Fine. Why are you telling us then, if your mind is made up? *outlook hazy*

May 25, 2006

I say just don't talk to your gf. Don't call her or even attempt to explain your situation. Just ignore her like she dropped off the face of the plant. Show absolutely no interest in her welfare, or safety, or emotional health. Treat her like she doesn't exist for however long you feel like it.

The only reason someone would put up with being treated like that would be if they wanted you for something else (money). Otherwise, they aren't getting an equal emotional effort out of the relationship. If they are willing to put up with being treated in this way, then there's a higher probability they're after more then your shinning personality.

You're basically stating that at any point during the relationship you have the right to be completely selfish and self-serving in your actions to the detriment of whoever you are with. Yet you expect your partner to behave in the opposite manner. Act unselfishly, give without reason, exhibit patience and understanding, and place your needs at a higher level then she would place her own.

You sabatoge yourself. You're very much in a "me" frame of mind, and that doesn't work in relationships. You can still be in a relationship with that kind of mentality, but you're going to attract women with the same mentality.

My point is... your ex's and gf may only be after your money.. but until you change your mentality, you won't change the type of women you attract.

May 25, 2006

I say just don't talk to your gf. Don't call her or even attempt to explain your situation. Just ignore her like she dropped off the face of the plant. Show absolutely no interest in her welfare, or safety, or emotional health. Treat her like she doesn't exist for however long you feel like it.

The only reason someone would put up with being treated like that would be if they wanted you for something else (money). Otherwise, they aren't getting an equal emotional effort out of the relationship. If they are willing to put up with being treated in this way, then there's a higher probability they're after more then your shinning personality.

You're basically stating that at any point during the relationship you have the right to be completely selfish and self-serving in your actions to the detriment of whoever you are with. Yet you expect your partner to behave in the opposite manner. Act unselfishly, give without reason, exhibit patience and understanding, and place your needs at a higher level then she would place her own.

You sabatoge yourself. You're very much in a "me" frame of mind, and that doesn't work in relationships. You can still be in a relationship with that kind of mentality, but you're going to attract women with the same mentality.

My point is... your ex's and gf may only be after your money.. but until you change your mentality, you won't change the type of women you attract.

Women are attracted to men who put their own needs first & play hard to get. This is why nice guys finish last.

May 25, 2006

No wonder you are depressed if you believe all this BS.

At least I learned from my mistakes from my last relationship. I was clingy and that caused her to break up with me. During the break up I acquired alot of tools to make myself better. I corrected my clinginess because I needed to for any relationship to work. 2.5 months after the break up she wanted to come back but I told her no. If I was still clingy I would have jumped on the opportunity to go back with her. So yes I did get an ego boost from saying no.

May 25, 2006

Women are attracted to men who put their own needs first & play hard to get. This is why nice guys finish last.

Woman are attracted to men who know what they want and what they need and the difference between those too. And men who have a full and complete life (not desperate and clingy.)

NOT men who are selfish bastards who play games just for the hell of it. I think you misinterpreted the original message. Big difference.

If, in order to survive, you "need" solitude then that is acceptable. But if it's only a want, (meaning you won't die without it) and you've put an undue amount of emotional pain or stress on your partner, then that is selfish.

A want has to be communicated fully and comprimised on by both people in the relationship. A need is something that is so vitally important that the person cannot live his/her life without it. Ie. food, water, shelter. Some men classify sex in that category. Some women affection.

A need doesn't have to be comprimised on. It does however have to be communicated to your partner. At least if you want to continue the relationship it has to be.

May 25, 2006

At least I learned from my mistakes from my last relationship. I was clingy and that caused her to break up with me. During the break up I acquired alot of tools to make myself better. I corrected my clinginess because I needed to for any relationship to work. 2.5 months after the break up she wanted to come back but I told her no. If I was still clingy I would have jumped on the opportunity to go back with her. So yes I did get an ego boost from saying no.

What does this have anything to do with what i said? You've improved yourself. That's awesome! But at the same time, you picked up a distrusting cynical attitude towards women which wont do you ANY good except add to your depressing thoughts. If you hate and distrust the female gender so much, then dont be in a relationship. You wont have to trust her, and she wont have to prove herself to you. win win for everyone.

May 25, 2006

What does this have anything to do with what i said? You've improved yourself. That's awesome! But at the same time, you picked up a distrusting cynical attitude towards women which wont do you ANY good except add to your depressing thoughts. If you hate and distrust the female gender so much, then dont be in a relationship. You wont have to trust her, and she wont have to prove herself to you. win win for everyone.

I can still be in a relationship and hate her at the same time.

May 25, 2006

I can still be in a relationship and hate her at the same time.

This is true.

*its decidedly so*

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