Brweyes31 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 I'm curious about the old adage "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be". Have people actually let someone go and they came back? Not in just after a break up, but someone that there were mutual feelings but one person didn't want a relationship at the same time you did? Just curious - what are people's experiences and thoughts? I
SuperMonk Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I'm curious about the old adage "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be". Have people actually let someone go and they came back? Not in just after a break up, but someone that there were mutual feelings but one person didn't want a relationship at the same time you did? Just curious - what are people's experiences and thoughts? I I don't know where you got that "adage" from but I get most of my life advice from Aesop's fables. And no where in those fables told me that I should welcome in open arms the person who decided to leave me whether physically or mentally ; they have left me and that is that. I kinda question people who are willing to accept those who have left them, and it all comes down to their own insecurity or lack of good moral judgement. Sometimes I get those feelings when I'm single or if I'm dating the wrong girl that "hmm maybe this ex and I were to get back together it would all be good" then I think of all the bad things she's done to my while in the relationship and at the end and any other negatives that come up. It's kinda like when a girl I'm dating asks why I deny the existance of my father and why I won't reconcile. I just tell them simply that he left me long ago then I made the decision to leave. Why go back believing everything is all sappy happy when reality is where its truest.
johan Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 In some cases reconciliation makes sense. I wouldn't romanticize it though. I also wouldn't bet on it. The vast majority of breakups are meant to be.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I think that is abunch of horse poop. Never in a millin years would I walk up to my SO and say "Hey baby, I'm gonna break up with you so I can see if you really love me or not" I don't see how that is going to show me anything but how loco I am
Craig Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be" Aww come on now folks, do you really think that it means that you are supposed to break up with someone you love to test the relationship? I think it could mean something else.
KittenMoon Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Most of the people here have said if you reconcile with someone, it needs to be a new relationship. Starting from scratch essentially. It's feasible in many situations that an SO leaves someone for reasons that have little to do with them or the actual relationship (hasn't everyone been through that "my life is so messed up I dont know what to do period" at least once.) So IMO if you break up in order to test a current relationship, you're screwed, because one person or the other will always feel like they can just pick up where they left off.
Groupie Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be" I think this means breaking up for them, for their benefit. Maybe someone unwillingly sees themself as a bad partner and wants to set their partner free so that they can better themselves in life? And then 'if they come back to you, it was meant to be' is depicting fate. A good deed in life, almost karma. Yeah I'm not making sense today.
quankanne Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 free free, set them free ... when a relationship comes to a natural conclusion – even if one party still wants to continue – letting go is a sign of maturity and understanding that you cannot force desire for that particular relationship. If it really is meant to be, it'll work itself out. now, putting your love to the test by forcing a break is a whole other thing, because one or the other wants to see how his/her partner reacts is junior high drama that reflects a complete lack of respect for that person and the relationship in question. can you walk away from someone you love because you're not that person's idea of relationship material? Yes, I've done it before. With the first guy, who I thought was Mr. Right, He's The One, it was a complete and total break even though I carried feelings for him until several years ago. Other time was with a guy who liked me well enough but wasn't ready for an emotional relationship – that one ended up marrying me. So I'm a firm believer in if it's meant to be, it works itself out ...
typical Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be" I would never forgive someone who betrayed me by abandoning me. *concentrate and ask again*
catgirl1927 Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I have never been a "break up and get back together" person. I have had guys dump me, saying had some stuff they needed to go through and didn't want a relationship or they didn't think the "time was right." I accepted the break up (after some tears, usually) and moved forward. They always seem to show up later expecting another chance, but I just believe if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and if it's right, then the time is always going to be right. I also don't have a lot of faith in people who bail on me, or on people who are breaking it off to "test" me. Breaking up and getting back together always seemed like game playing to me. But, I do have some friends who married, had a kid, divorced (no cheating or anything) and got back together like 15 years later and remarried. They're very happy and say that they are both less selfish now and are better able to make things work. So, you never know!
norajane Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Setting someone free doesn't necessarily mean breaking up. It's possible that someone can smother their SO by being too clingy and demanding ALL their time, through baseless jealousy, and constantly trying to gain a commitment. In that case, setting someone free means letting the relationship develop as it will without all the needy/clingy crap - let your partner choose to be with you rather than tyring to tie them to you.
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be" Aww come on now folks, do you really think that it means that you are supposed to break up with someone you love to test the relationship? I think it could mean something else. okay this qoute has hidden meaning to it, and I thought everyone new what it ment It meens if something isn't working out, break it off if its ment to be It will be
Walk Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I only heard this in reference once in my life and that was regarding a baby bird I rescued when I was a little kid. Ma told me if I loved it to set it free, and if it came back it was meant to be. My cat got to that baby bird in like two seconds and killed it. Guess it wasn't meant "to be". The bird that is. Moral of story... if you love him, set him free... and some other cat will get him. hahahahah I think some fairy tale, head in the clouds, person tagged that last bit on to the saying. I see merit in the first half. But the second half is dubious at best.
Craig Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 okay this qoute has hidden meaning to it, and I thought everyone new what it ment It meens if something isn't working out, break it off if its ment to be It will be That isn't what I was thinking, keep trying...
Walk Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 hmm.. So Craig meant: Set them free to accomplish their goals, dreams and ambitions without actually breaking up with them? Where does the coming back part fit in?
brucevangeorge Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I'm curious about the old adage "If you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be". Have people actually let someone go and they came back? Not in just after a break up, but someone that there were mutual feelings but one person didn't want a relationship at the same time you did? Just curious - what are people's experiences and thoughts? I Well, the problem is: YOU CANNOT OWN PEOPLE! How can you set someone free? Are they in chains in your basement? Glued to the sofa? What the hell are you talking about?
Craig Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 hmm.. So Craig meant: Set them free to accomplish their goals, dreams and ambitions without actually breaking up with them? Where does the coming back part fit in? Vcool Walk, you're a freakin genius!! I mean it Within the relationship, set your partner free (without actually breaking up with them). With freedom comes the opportunity to go away for good but if they come back to you after you've set them free to be themselves and dare I say actualize then it was meant to be. After all, the quote doesn't say, "break up with your SO to test the relationship." If you have to keep your SO on a short, tight leash to keep them with you then that isn't freedom is it? And, IMHO it isn't much of a relationship. Peace out
monural_plural Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I recently was given the 'let's break up' by someone who said she didn't have time for a relationship right now. This was done because she is in an extremely difficult time (just started taking anti-anxiety meds) and can't put effort into a relationship. She wanted a friendship. I decided on no contact, because that would give us the best chance of doing something, and ultimately tell if we were right or not. I also wasn't too entirely happy that she didn't communicate the breakup to me, even though she's a bit out of her mind right now... The bottom line is, it would be harder to start this relationship if it happened again, but it would be worthwhile if both parties could work for it. She has to search me out if she wants a relationship, and I can't wait for her. If it happens it happens, things always work out. She wil lhave to take teh chance to come to me when she is ready. I love her, but she has to make teh next move, since it was her decision. If you love someone, set them free.
lovelorcet Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Here is my take on the whole thing. I can see this in two situations, first when just starting a relationship but at that point I would not call it love. So at the start you really like someone but they may not be sure. Yes, you have to let them be free and give them time to make sure that being with you is something that they truly want. You can’t force anyone to do something like that, and if you do it will backfire. I went out with a girl for a few times and really liked her. At some point I told her this and asked her what she thought. She said she was scared and not sure if she would be able to lower her guard at the moment. I told her that was completely ok and that I understood that things like this are always a risk. Also that she needs to do whatever it is that she feels is best for her. I backed off completely and left her alone, only smiling when we did see each other from time to time. 4 weeks later I get a call asking if we could do something together, long story short, she could not stop thinking about me… So in that sense I think the saying fits. So the other side is when you have been with someone for a long time and they decided that they are no longer sure they want to be with you. You cannot force them to stay and yes you have to let them go. If the reconciliation at some point later is really worth it I highly doubt. So the coming back part I think in this case is more or less a fantasy. Don’t ever waste your time thinking that someone might come back, I think staying in that mode is very unhealthy. If they do actually come back then deal with it at that moment in time as you may find that when it does come around that you no longer feel it is worth it.
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