basscatcher Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 My, my, my..... how do I even begin this...........? A friend of mine seems to always been so damn stressed out that I sense he is a ticking time-bomb waiting to go off; at a inappropriete time. He and I have been friends amongst other things over the past year. I care about him in the truest sense. He is very dear to me and I am very concerned about him. He is edgy, moody, easily irratated, he doesn't say much when he calls me. I pompt him to talking but it doesn't work. I believe he needs to just talk about what is going on and how he is feeling, what he is thinking, etc etc but he harbors it all inside. He isn't the kind of man to open up to people. Most people don't even know what his real name is, what he does for a living (I don't even know this), etc, etc. He is a very private man. When he called me last night I said said 'Hi, it's nice to know your alive." because I hadn't heard from him in over a week. His reply was a meloncholy 'Ya'. I asked how he was and he said 'Eh'. Then he said he has been stressed out and that was all he said. We sat on the phone in silence because he likes to do that sometimes. Just to be laying on my bed, him on his, listening to each other in silence over the phone without any words being said. There is something magical about the connection without words. (I don't know if anyone can understand this?) I broke the silence and I said something but I can't remember exactly what I said but I remember asking him if he had plans for this weekend and he said 'there are people who want to take my time from me', all I know is I didn't say anything wrong but to him he was annoyed and he put the phone down on me. Then my son came into my room and asked me a question and I answered him in short. At that moment my friend picked up his phone and hung up on me. WTF?? This is not the first time he has done this. He gets himself so stressed out and frustrated that he is ready to totally burnout and break down into total isolation. He told me the last time I spoke to him (he hung up on me then too!) that he needed to go into isolation. I told him he has to do what he has to do. He is so stressed out and he wont talk to me. He has in the past and I have given him the open door to talk but he wont. What can I do?
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Let him know you care about him and will be there for him when he's feeling better. Seems like he doesn't want to talk about whatever it is that's bugging him. Don't ask any questions, just send him some funny emails, try to cheer him up. Order a dinner for him and send it to his address. Just do afew nice things for him to make him feel better. But with that being said don't expect anything back...Do it because you want him to feel better...And to put a smile on his face. If you pressure him to open up he will clam up even more. Though you know that already since he's a good friend of yours. Hope this helps!
alphamale Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 A friend of mine seems to always been so damn stressed out that I sense he is a ticking time-bomb waiting to go off; at a inappropriete time. If he does go off PADA....just make sure he does it within the Minnesota state border
Author basscatcher Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 I've been having problems with the dang server. Just got signed back in. He knows I am available if he wants to talk. I don't pressure him. I am losing my patience dealing with his juvinile bahavior hanging up on me for no real damn good reason. HE is the one who calls me.. WTF?? What does he expect me to do or say. I told him if he doesnt' want to talk and he just wants company I would bring the icy-hot or massage oil and go to him for awhile. I wouldn't feel the need to TALK through a TALKING device then.... He doesn't ask.. I don't offer either because when he calls its like 8pm and its a 30 min drive to his place from mine. AND I have to work the next morning on my end of town. Why the hell do men do these damn things? Whats with the frickin games??? I have told him I can't read minds and if he wants something he has to ask for it.
Guest Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Lose him - he sounds like a loser and the mind games will go on and on and on . . . Find a friend who really behaves like one
brightskies Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 He could be clinically depressed. This is a long-shot but maybe you could suggest therapy? If he won't talk to his friends, he might be willing to talk to an objective party. Let him know that you're his friend but he needs to treat you like one. Even if he won't talk much, he has to at least be nice to you.
Author basscatcher Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 Already did this. He called again a little over a week later and did the same thing. I emailed him and told him he needed to get himself under control before he exploded. I told him also that if he is going to call me then he needs to talk or at least let me know what he wants of me. I told him he was disrespecting me and was being rude to me by hanging up for no reason. I reminded him that I am not the source of his problems. I am a friend who is here for him if he needs me. I haven't heard from him. He is stressed out. Very stressed out. I beleive it has to do with his source of employment (self employeed). I am not 100% for certain about this. Anyway, I got on his case about the way he is treating me as a friend and I asked him to stop it..
Author basscatcher Posted May 30, 2006 Author Posted May 30, 2006 He came out of his shell for awhile... OF all the weekends Memorial weekend... I go out Friday night dancing and then turn around and do it again Saturday night. I was very tired and had interrupted sleep. I laid down to take a nap and 'jingle jingle jingle' my phone is ringing--it's 3pm and its my friend. He sounded better on the phone and started to open up and talk. During his chatter he mentioned that he had SOOOO much to do and that he was cleaning his house (the homestead--he has two homes). The city left a notice on his door they want to inspect it. He doesn't live in it fulltime and it needs work. He was sounding overwhelmed and I told him if he needs help cleaning all he had to do was ask... He avoided that topic for a bit and then came back to it and asked if I would help him. I said YES. What would you like me to bring, pick-up, buy, etc., etc. So he and I made out plans, he processed what he needed me to do and we started. I was there Sunday from 7pm till 2am, went home, showered FELL into bed slept till he woke me up at 11am and then I was back out there from 2:30pm till 9:30pm last night. We almost finished washing everthing down downstairs. Next weekend we will tackle the upstairs. My legs are killing me, I used muscles I forgot I had. Between dancing two nights in a row (I love to dance.) and crouching down and standing up so much cleaning I HURT, I HURT, I HURT. Climbing the stairs at work is painful... So, my dear friend came out of his cave long enough for me to know he is alive and ok. I also know now how stressed out and overwhelmed he is right now and that is why he has been impatient and aloof. It was good to spend time with him. He actually tolerated being around me for long periods of time.. It was fun.. I actually caught him watching me clean several times. What is it with men watching women clean???
brightskies Posted May 30, 2006 Posted May 30, 2006 That's good news, Pada. Glad to hear that your friend is perking up. As for watching you clean, maybe he's got a crush on you.
Author basscatcher Posted May 30, 2006 Author Posted May 30, 2006 That's good news, Pada. Glad to hear that your friend is perking up. As for watching you clean, maybe he's got a crush on you. WE do have a history. It's not active at this time but the chemistry is still there. OMG is it there.. Funny thing is being sweaty, dirty, smell like bleach and vinegar, hair up in a ponytail, make-up half off, red-watery-eyes from allergies, and my ASS WASN'T stuck up in the air saying here I am he was still watching me!?? My appearance wasn't exactly SEXY... Maybe, he was in shock that I was more usefull then just to F v C k. He had a friend show up yesterday that he hadn't seen in about a year. He bragged that I was a better cleaner then he was and he agreed to let me clean the right way instead of just the way he suggested.
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