RealityCheck Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 MO..... Saddle up girl friend and tie e'm down!! I'll be joining the "BUD" Stud of Beers in 2 hours!!!
eyeswideshut Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 MO, I hope you're not looking for the Brokenote Cowboys from american Idol. EEssh.
RealityCheck Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 EWS.... Naw... MO and I are looking for Austrailan Cowboys like "Keith Urban" :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:
movinon05 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 MO, I hope you're not looking for the Brokenote Cowboys from american Idol. EEssh. omigod, that was so pathetic, wasn't it? i don't know why they bothered with that one at the end of the show, of all things!! No, no brokenote cowboys for me!! i got a harley rider who's lookin for a date. close enough! maybe i'll let my hair down and go for a wild windy ride!! (of course, i still have to wonder if i'll get raped, plundered, or murdered). Oh the perils of online dating. My parents would be sick with worry. They were already, so i'll just keep this to myself!
movinon05 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 EWS.... Naw... MO and I are looking for Austrailan Cowboys like "Keith Urban" :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: Be still my heart! He's a harley rider too. Now I wouldn't have a second thought about that one!!!!! :love: :bunny:
Iwanttohope Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Guess what, Cantcutitoff! I am 17 mo. of NC and I still ride the rollercoaster occasionally. As a matter of fact, it hit today. I wasn't even gonna post this because its such a downer, but it is what it is. I left the office this morning to run to a store and as soon as I walked outside, I felt the humidity for the first time this Spring. And these birds were chirping. And I suddenly was hit with a deja vu. My exMM and I started in the Spring 8 yrs ago and we spent many many days together in this kind of weather walking through the woods, lounging in the morning or afternoon or evening humidity and warmth. And by the time I got back to the office, I was almost ready to cry. It was like the humidity just started to envelope me and bring me down. And that's all it took - freakin' humidity!! All I kept thinking was God, please get me out of this purgatory I am in! Am I ever, ever going to be able to have some kind of serenity where I don't have to have these memories popping into my head bringing me down? My stomach is clenching just thinking about this! Ugh! Now all I want to do is go home and starting drinking some wine!! You're not alone. And all I can say is, it will pass. MO...UGH!!! I don't want to still be fighting tears 17 months from now!!! I still cry every single day and its been 24 days for me. Is it just the memory that got to you or wanting him back?
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 It was just a memory of something wonderful that came back. And no, I don't want him back. I'm getting further and further away from him with each day. There's too many things to keep me from going back. But its just a memory that came back. Triggered by the weather!! I guess you could call it bittersweet. I wouldn't doubt that certain things will always trigger a memory, just as they would an old boyfriend in high school or an old friend. These are just the ones that dig a little deeper when they come. I am moving on and hoping for something better. I think then the memories might not bother me so much.
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Posted May 27, 2006 Iwanttohope, here's another example. Last Fall when I was hiking with my new BF in the mountains all the time, it was beautiful! Fall colors, waterfalls.... I would often think of MM and say in my mind "You stupid jerk! This is what we always wanted to do! And here I am doing it with someone else." But it didn't bother me as much because I was enjoying my new BF and also glad I was finally getting to do these things. It was no longer something I always wanted to do, I was actually doing it! Which proved to me that, even without him, I was actually living again, doing things I loved, and enjoying them with a new guy who treated me better. And knowing MM was still stuck in his rut, probably still wishing and wanting. And after awhile, I hardly thought of him on those walks. So it wasn't that bad. Maybe the weather this time affected me more because BF and I broke up (not sad about that) and also because MM has been sending gifts and messages to me in the past few months. But it passed.
Author CantCutitOff Posted June 2, 2006 Author Posted June 2, 2006 So... after 11 days of NC, I bumped into him last Wednesday but hadn't seen or talked to him since (so 9 days). I just saw him at work. He didn't see me, which I guess is good... since I resisted the urge to go talk to him and slipped out before he saw me. Nonetheless, I just got that rush of emotions. The yay ones mixed with not so good ones. I feel like an emotional light switch around him. Don't see him - I'm OK for the most part. See him - total 180. Hopefully I won't run into him today...
zarathustra Posted June 2, 2006 Posted June 2, 2006 So... after 11 days of NC, I bumped into him last Wednesday but hadn't seen or talked to him since (so 9 days). I just saw him at work. He didn't see me, which I guess is good... since I resisted the urge to go talk to him and slipped out before he saw me. Nonetheless, I just got that rush of emotions. The yay ones mixed with not so good ones. I feel like an emotional light switch around him. Don't see him - I'm OK for the most part. See him - total 180. Hopefully I won't run into him today... I know exactly what you mean!!
Author CantCutitOff Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 So... I definitely didn't escape that easy on Friday. He ended up coming to see me in the office, plopping down, and we had probably the most civil, friendly 30-minute conversation we've ever had. There was a little bit of joking, but platonic joking. We talked about his family & some of the stuff that's going on there & then caught up on some of the other things going on in each other's lives. He didn't bring "us" up - and neither did I. And I think that was good - it seemed like there was a non-verbal understanding of sorts that we were both taking a step back. Or maybe it just left the door open. I don't know. I know it sounds silly, but I felt like maybe we could be "just friends" when he left. Of course - I'm not naive enough to think it's that easy or even possible... But I felt physically better about the whole situation. Am I going crazy now?
Walking away Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 You probably felt better because you got your "fix" of him. I know the feeing well. But, ask yourself this: Can you HANDLE being his friend? Honestly? Can you handle hearing the stuff that he may talk to you about? Stuff about his family? Stuff about his wife? And, let's face it....it is impossible to be a MM's friend after the affair ends. Not this quickly. Can you be in the future? I don't know. I don't know how a MM could, in good conscience, continue a friendship with someone his wife would be destroyed by if she knew of the friendship. That shows utter lack of respect for her. Your MM, in my opinion, is getting his needs met by you just by speaking with you. But, are YOUR needs getting met? Is friendship enough for YOU? Protect yourself. Be very wary. It is a slippery slope that I have fallen down when I thought I could just be his "friend..."
eyeswideshut Posted June 4, 2006 Posted June 4, 2006 can'tcutitoff, I agree with WA. every thing is rosy after our MM "fix". We can be anything: their best friend, their mother, their lover wth no strings attached. Except. Of course, with love, it doesn't transition in such an easy rosy way. Nope. we have to suffer. we have to go through the painful NC, and suffer. unless we agree to be heroin addicts for life. (I mean MM addict, same thing, but worse) I was even deluding myself that maybe I could be his friend because after all, I don't want a man like him for myself, no way. Then I thought of how sick I felt when I saw him wearing his ring. I felt as though someone just gutted me and I was wearing rosy glasses and I couldn't see it coming. Honey. When in doubt, come to LS. We need to kick the habit together. OK? I pray for ya,
Author CantCutitOff Posted June 4, 2006 Author Posted June 4, 2006 can'tcutitoff, Honey. When in doubt, come to LS. We need to kick the habit together. OK? I pray for ya, LOL!! I'm with you guys EWS & WA. I just gotta keep reminding myself... Although I think WA that friendship may be enough for me... eventually. But then I agree w/ the "MM shouldn't continue it in good conscience to the BS"... and b/c he obviously has no good conscience... I may need to muster up some strength to not be his friend for both my sake & hers. I'm going to be proceeding with EXTREME caution in his presence & then otherwise trying to pretend like he doesn't exist & not initiate any contact. The past month has shown me that "NC - period" is going to end up being futile b/c of the work situation... there are times where we're just going to have to see each other & work together. But I think I can go w/o contact otherwise. That said - I'm pretty positive I'll have to see him at work this week so we'll see how that goes.
Walking away Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 I have a tremendous amount of respect for those xOW who must see their MM at work. It must take heroic strength to make it through the days with him around. My thoughts are with all of you in this situation. It must be incredibly hard.... I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you ladies...
ronnieromance Posted June 5, 2006 Posted June 5, 2006 Honestly, the best thing I think you can do is to spend time around others and not dwell on the situation. There are plenty of ways to introduce yourself to others; bookstores, internet chatrooms like on WebDate, even going to the park. But if you're having issues with stirred emotions from an ended relation, it's good to not be around any triggers until you have worked through it. -R-
Author CantCutitOff Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 Alright guys. I have to confess. I fell off. That conversation Friday (see earlier posts) turned into a lot of conversations, a vist, & more since I posted on Sunday. I don't know how I feel about it -- I imagined myself being a wreck if I got back into this - with the same emotions I felt before after things started picking up. I'm not. It's like it's not even affecting me. I definitely haven't been on the rollercoaster in the past 72 hours... and I can honestly say I haven't thought about him at all unless we've been on the phone or in each other's company. I'm sensing this is probably not good. Good news: He's looking for a new job. He's applying for a few that would take him far away. He asked me for help with it; I was perplexed because I didn't really want to make an excuse for contact -- but I also thought it would probably be better for both of us to stop this if we didn't work together. So I'm helping. *Sigh* - I need a good a** whooping. Lay it on.
movinon05 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Why in the world would he "need your help" to find another job? That's just an excuse. Remember your original thread. You said he's a serial cheater. He has no qualms about being around you with his W and kids. He's not leaving his M. There is absolutely NOTHING in this for you! And you can't be his friend!! Tell him you were mistaken, and that this is not a good idea. You want to move on with your life and find someone for you and only you. Too bad if he doesn't like it or understand it!!!! We're talking about YOU and what YOU want in your life. The good thing is, he'll be moving far away. What does that say to you? It says he's moving on with his life - far away from you! How much do you really think you mean in his life? Think about it!!
Author CantCutitOff Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 MO - Re: the job. He had a negative situation with a supervisor & some other things that have been building for awhile. He's been talking about leaving for some time, and now he's finally making the move. He happens to be applying for a very similar job that I used to hold in the same company I used to work for. So I can understand why he's asking me for help (I would do the same regardless of the person). He's not relocating his family - just going to have a significantly longer commute. But it will take him out of my immediate vicinity. I know he's not leaving his M. I don't want him to. We've both always been very frank to each other about that. I think that may be one reason why I subconsciously got involved in this situation to begin with -- I don't have to be afraid of commitment b/c he can't commit. I know how that sounds, and I'm not proud of it. As for getting a long-term, fulfilling relationship out of it -- I know I'm never going to get that. But I'm not sure that was what I was looking for. I don't know.
movinon05 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Well, what are you looking for now? Specifically? What is acceptable in your mind?
Jessie61 Posted June 8, 2006 Posted June 8, 2006 Why in the world would he "need your help" to find another job? That's just an excuse. Cantcutitoff, I am sorry but I think MO is right.... MM's will say anything and do anything to keep the contact going. Any excuse.... He is a big boy now and he can find a new job without your help. Please look after yourself and let him look after himself. You could so easily get hurt here....
Author CantCutitOff Posted June 8, 2006 Author Posted June 8, 2006 Well, what are you looking for now? Specifically? What is acceptable in your mind? That's a great question. I'm not sure I know the answer. I'm sure that's a large part of my problem. I know what I'm NOT looking for at the moment - and that's anything long term with anyone. I really wish I could answer those questions, and trust me, I'm searching. I do know that I've thought about him FAR LESS since we talked on Friday than I had for even 24 hours prior to then. And I haven't gotten upset about him once -- even in the midst of heavy family discussions & the like. That's a HUGE change from before.
Recommended Posts