CantCutitOff Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 GRRRR. I was on Day 11 of NC today & then I just ran into him inadvertantly at work. And of course, he tried to start it right back up... "How's it going, How've you been" etc & bringing up our "code"/inside jokes. Luckily, he was fairly tame, as others were around. I did OK.. I didn't ignore him (that would've raised eyebrows) but didn't encourage him. And my response to him was "Let's not even go there" before walking away with someone else. But of course, he asked if I was going to the work function (see my related post from yesterday) and I told him probably not... and he was like "You should come." I had made up my mind not to go but now I'm considering it again.... I HATE THIS. BUT - I guess I didn't fall apart like I previously would have, and I stood my ground much better than I have been. I guess that's an improvement...?
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Do not go!!! Don't put yourself in that situation where you won't be able to say no to him. Treat this like being around someone who is a smoker. If you just quit smoking, the last thing you wanna do is hangout with them, right? You'd be tempted to give in, bum a smoke or go buy a pack. So, apply this logic to your situation. Right now you're not strong enough if he was to make a move on you. You may not be able to say no... It is an improvement, so work with it! Be strong and just know that you DO have time on your side.
movinon05 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Am I wrong or isn't this the function where he will be with his W and kids??? Don't go!! He can easily say, oh sure go, but it'll be easy for him!! Don't do that to yourself! And you did good today!!
Author CantCutitOff Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 Yup, that's the function movinon... and I'm not going. I'm not going to bring myself to do it & give him that satisfaction. And luckily I'll have an out-of-town friend here who will keep me from going in case I start to reconsider it. I luckily don't think that will be a problem though. As annoyed as I am that I ran into him again... I do think I showed some improvement there. I did rebuff him - although not totally, it was pretty significant considering what would've been my normal response. And although I thought about going tomorrow for a few minutes, now (two hours later) - I'm pretty confident I'm gonna keep what upper hand I've got here & show myself I can be strong. And honestly, just running into him made me pretty disgusted with whole thing -- I guess another bonus. Btw- good smoking analogy whichway! I like that!
Jessie61 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 I know that I am going to sound like a broken record repeating what others before me have said, but here it goes........... DON'T GO!!!!! Don't do that to yourself! Stay away from him for as long as you possibly can.... You can do it!!!!
movinon05 Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Sometimes all it takes is inconsiderate things said to keep you on your path. Its no skin off his back, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Go have some fun and don't worry about what he's thinking. Shame you have to see him at work though.
rossm Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Don't go! Commit yourself to do something else during that timeslot, just so you're not tempted.
Jessie61 Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Yup, that's the function movinon... and I'm not going. I'm not going to bring myself to do it & give him that satisfaction. And luckily I'll have an out-of-town friend here who will keep me from going in case I start to reconsider it. I luckily don't think that will be a problem though. As annoyed as I am that I ran into him again... I do think I showed some improvement there. I did rebuff him - although not totally, it was pretty significant considering what would've been my normal response. And although I thought about going tomorrow for a few minutes, now (two hours later) - I'm pretty confident I'm gonna keep what upper hand I've got here & show myself I can be strong. And honestly, just running into him made me pretty disgusted with whole thing -- I guess another bonus. Btw- good smoking analogy whichway! I like that! CCIO, I think we were posting at the same time, coz I didn't see this.... Good! You're not going. I don't think you are ready for it yet. And it is so easy to underestimate your feelings.... I have been convinced more than once that I have been "cured", and I have been sooooooo wrong! Also, you just don't know HOW you are going to feel/react seeing him with the W... I had to endure a party at the start of the A and we "were going strong". I felt like vomiting for the whole thing, and MM and W did not spend more than 3 minutes in each other's company all night... (Believe me, I was watching... ) In fact, MM stood chatting more with me than with her!!!! But I'd still never do that to myself again! Concentrate on staying strong. You're doing well.
Sami_D Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I do think I showed some improvement there. I did rebuff him - although not totally, it was pretty significant considering what would've been my normal response. And although I thought about going tomorrow for a few minutes, now (two hours later) - I'm pretty confident I'm gonna keep what upper hand I've got here & show myself I can be strong. And honestly, just running into him made me pretty disgusted with whole thing -- I guess another bonus. You are doing just GREAT! Of course you're going to feel terrible having met him again... but you didn't do it on purpose! It must be just about impossible for you to do total NC. I don't know how people who work with their MM ever manage to recover... i would be jelly if I ever saw MM. I'd have to hide in a cupboard or something and I'm NOT kidding! You did SO well! AND you're right not to go to the party. It's too soon... maybe go to the next one when you've made more of a recovery.
Author CantCutitOff Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 Thanks everyone for the support. I got home from work last night & told EVERY ONE of my friends that knew about this situation that I ran into him just so I could have a chorus of voices reinforcing that I shouldn't go to this thing & that I did okay. It sort of worked to lift my spirits... while I feel good about the way I acted, I'm obviously still a little blah about the whole situation. I was VERY tempted to e-mail him when I got to work this morning just to tell him to have fun at the party, but I thought better of it -- and then I realized he's not even at work today. SIGH OF RELIEF!! If I can get thru today, then I'm solid until Tuesday. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!
Jessie61 Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 If I can get thru today, then I'm solid until Tuesday. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can! No, you KNOW you can....!
dontbfooled Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 The last thing you need to to be at a event where you will see him AND his W + Kids. You SO DO NOT NEED THAT. My advice? Go on a date instead. Tell him you can't make it because you have other plans. See how he likes it. He'll be there with his WIFE!!! You should be out somewhere with someone too. F him... what a jerk... the audacity to say "you should come!" when he knows he'll be here with his freaking wife. So insensitive... typical.
Author CantCutitOff Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 Thanks all! I survived! I didn't go - I went out with some friends and had some great conversations & good food instead. Soo... that ended up working out OK. Can't say I didn't think abouout what it would be like to be there & at times wished I was... but I didn't go. He does have some audacity though, doesn't he? It gets me pretty fired up (and pretty annoyed at myself)... Let's just hope I can continue the "fired up" sentiments if he happens to catch me alone in the next few days or weeks. Have a good night everyone!
dontbfooled Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Good for you! Make him MISS YOU. And right in the middle of him missing you, you might meet a new GREAT (available) guy!!! One that will love you and ONLY YOU and give you all of his time and his entire heart.
eyeswideshut Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 keep it up. PLEASE keep it up. You are doing NC. of course, you will run into him at work, but it won't be affecting you, because you are in NC. RIGHT?? Anyway. If you want answers to your questions, just look at his actions. His actions will let you know. Men are fighters. They fight for what they want, they are the ones with testosterone. So, let him fight. And if he can't figure out how to do it, then that's his loss. And it's going to be your gain, if nothing about his behavior changes in the weeks to come. keep us posted on how he reacts at work;)
Blind Illusion Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 You did good and got through that window where you might have changed your mind. Have a great weekend now.
movinon05 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 I'm glad you didn't e-mail him to tell him have fun. That would have just told him you still cared and boosted his ego even more. And he obviously didn't care that you would have had to see him, his W and kids. Don't wish you had been there. It would not have been worth the pain! Stay strong and I'm glad you have friendly reinforcements to help you on your way to finding that fabulous man that there for you!
rossm Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Can't say I didn't think abouout what it would be like to be there & at times wished I was... but I didn't go. All right!!! :bunny: (can I use the bunnies, or is that too femmy?) It's normal that you thought about it. But what's important is that you were strong enough to resist going.
Author CantCutitOff Posted May 26, 2006 Author Posted May 26, 2006 Ross - Bunnies are OK w/ me I've gotta be honest - I'm feeling a little sad this morning guys. The emotional rollercoaster has hit that point, I think. It went from conflict about even getting into the situation to ignoring the conflict b/c I liked him back to the "why am I doing this to myself + his family" to being really annoyed at myself to being really annoyed at him -- and today, I'm just sad. I feel like a pawn in the whole thing. I suppose I'm partially to blame for that, and it's probably normal, but it's not a great feeling. He's not at work again today & I think his wedding anniversary is this weekend, so the thoughts of him enjoying his long weekend with the family may have something to do with it. And I think part of me is sad for her too... I can't imagine what it would be like to be married to someone who leads such a double life (and purports to have done so for a long time!).
rossm Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 The rollercoaster is normal. You'll probably be on it for a while. It hurts, I know. Fortunately, you are able to step back and take a rational look at the situation. Try to focus your mind on other things, good things, in your life. No point in dwelling in the cellar. (Easier said than done, I know). Keep posting here and reading the threads. I find that that helps me when I'm feeling weak or low.
Sami_D Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 All right!!! :bunny: (can I use the bunnies, or is that too femmy?) LOL ross... :lmao: CantCutitOff... you're right... it's just the rollercoaster doing it's thing. There are a hundred different thoughts and emotions we have to go through... and we WILL survive every single one of them... ... there is light on the other side (isn't there..??)
movinon05 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Guess what, Cantcutitoff! I am 17 mo. of NC and I still ride the rollercoaster occasionally. As a matter of fact, it hit today. I wasn't even gonna post this because its such a downer, but it is what it is. I left the office this morning to run to a store and as soon as I walked outside, I felt the humidity for the first time this Spring. And these birds were chirping. And I suddenly was hit with a deja vu. My exMM and I started in the Spring 8 yrs ago and we spent many many days together in this kind of weather walking through the woods, lounging in the morning or afternoon or evening humidity and warmth. And by the time I got back to the office, I was almost ready to cry. It was like the humidity just started to envelope me and bring me down. And that's all it took - freakin' humidity!! All I kept thinking was God, please get me out of this purgatory I am in! Am I ever, ever going to be able to have some kind of serenity where I don't have to have these memories popping into my head bringing me down? My stomach is clenching just thinking about this! Ugh! Now all I want to do is go home and starting drinking some wine!! You're not alone. And all I can say is, it will pass.
Blind Illusion Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Guess what, Cantcutitoff! I am 17 mo. of NC and I still ride the rollercoaster occasionally. As a matter of fact, it hit today. I wasn't even gonna post this because its such a downer, but it is what it is. I left the office this morning to run to a store and as soon as I walked outside, I felt the humidity for the first time this Spring. And these birds were chirping. And I suddenly was hit with a deja vu. My exMM and I started in the Spring 8 yrs ago and we spent many many days together in this kind of weather walking through the woods, lounging in the morning or afternoon or evening humidity and warmth. And by the time I got back to the office, I was almost ready to cry. It was like the humidity just started to envelope me and bring me down. And that's all it took - freakin' humidity!! All I kept thinking was God, please get me out of this purgatory I am in! Am I ever, ever going to be able to have some kind of serenity where I don't have to have these memories popping into my head bringing me down? My stomach is clenching just thinking about this! Ugh! Now all I want to do is go home and starting drinking some wine!! You're not alone. And all I can say is, it will pass. Ahhh MovinOn05 , I can appreciate that. I felt something similar when school started for the kids last September. You start feeling this big void-it's horrible. I think that time and new memories to associate things with are the only things that will help. The vino won't hurt though, till those things do happen.
RealityCheck Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 MO... Well I'm going to be gulping down this evening too! I'm in the mood:o
movinon05 Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Yee Haw. I'm home and I'm over it. Gotta keep moving! Holiday weekend, y'all! And forget the wine, it gets me down and gives me headaches. It's beer time!! See how fast it can change, Cantcutitoff?? (so where are these cowboys?) huh?
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