unsafe Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 OK so I have lived with this guy for about 7 months now. We just started hooking up. He told me after we kissed that things were serious and it was a good thing. He acts like my guy... goes out with me and my girls on the weekends. He gets tickets for he and I to see shows and go out and do stuff. I think he likes me. But he has never had a serious relationship and his friend told me that he mentioned how weird it was that there is no effort because we live together so it comes so easy. I don't know if that is bad or good and why would it weird him out. I guess he didn't say it weirded him out but that it was just different. He is taking a mini vacation with my friends and I in about a month. His brother says he likes me but he is scared. we are hanging out tonight alone so I thought I would ask him how he felt about things and how they were going. To let him know I'm happy and there are no guarantees or promises but that I like how its going so far to make sure we are on the same page. Do you have an advice for a girl who wants to bring up how things are going so far in our relationship. I don't want to scare him off.
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Just kiss him and tell him how much you like him and how lucky you are to have him in your life...See what he says. Go slow and DO NOT GO all intense about it. IF you do, he may panic and clam up. Be honest, but don't go into alot of detail. I hope you get what I'm saying. Good luck and let us know how it goes! Keep posting!
norajane Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 If things are going well, I'm not sure why you feel the need for a discussion about it? Guys hate (and I mean HATE) being put on the spot about where the relationship is going, how do they feel, what do they see in the future. Fact is, all they focus on is how they feel in the relationship NOW. They may never start thinking about the future if they feel pressured to, or if they're constantly being asked to define your current relaitonship. You already live together and you're happy and he's happy, so why do you need more reassurance that he likes you? I don't get that. What would make you think he doesn't like you? I agree with whichwayisup - tell this guy you love him and how happy you are, and leave it at that. ENJOY the relationship you are in, let it be easy, appreciate and revel in what you have. It's far too soon to be thinking about forever, so let him get used to thinking of you as the woman in his life first.
kitten chick Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 If things are going well, I'm not sure why you feel the need for a discussion about it? Why? So that they'll stop screwing other chicks. Not that it really guarantees it anyway. WWIU had good advice, keep it light and try to subtly hint at it if he's nervous about relationships.
Author unsafe Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 I know this about men. I am never usually the one to ask but in this case, this guy has been my friend and roommate for 7 months. The past month we started hooking up making out sleeping in each others beds. No sex though. This guy is 28 never had a girlfriend really and from my knowledge still doesn't know what he wants in life. I don't want to get all wrapped up in a guy when its going nowhere. Ya I "think" he likes me. But he hasn't told me that. Thats me assuming because he cuddles with me and makes out with me. And said yes to going on a mini vacation with my friends and I. But I haven't heard it from him. I think if we can't talk about this now when can we? I am not asking for a commitement. Thats not why I want to talk to him. I just want to see if we are on the same page or if he just wants to hook up with his roommate. Do you understand that part? I know men HATE expressing how they feel especially about women. I just don't want to end up getting hurt because I never asked how he felt. But I don't want to scare him away either.
norajane Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Ahhh, sorry about that - when you said you were living together for 7 months I thought you were in a relationship, not just roommates. I missed the 'we just recently hooked up' part and what that meant. Mea culpa. Then YES, by all means, talk to him about the recent developments! Tell him that you are enjoying getting to know him in this new way and ask him if he's had to a chance to think about what's been happening as you'd like to make sure you're both on the same page. Stick to asking about his thoughts, not feelings...they amount to the same thing, but less stressful word to use. Good luck and have fun!
kitten chick Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 Stick to asking about his thoughts, not feelings...they amount to the same thing, but less stressful word to use. Good call norajane! So simple yet so effective.
Author unsafe Posted May 24, 2006 Author Posted May 24, 2006 Thank you so much. Thoughts not feelings. Good advice. I will let you know how it went tomorrow. Thanks again!
SuperMonk Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 This is why you should NOT live with someone unless you didn't have a solid 6-9 month relationship. AND if you both plan to marry each other within a year. Your view of them gets distorted and yes you both are pretty good friends and quite intimate cause the both of you are with each other at all times, but the thing is you do not know how he or she is without you for at least a week or even a couple days.
Author unsafe Posted May 25, 2006 Author Posted May 25, 2006 Ok get off your high horse. We both needed roomates and we had never met before I moved in with him. "JUST ROOMMATES" did you get that? s*** happends, we ended up liking each other. Now I wrote this because I want to ask him if he is interested in me...or just you know hooking up? Thats all? I don't even know if I care what the answer is at this point. If he just wants to stop and be roommates thats fine I just want to know. Do you understand? And not everyone thinks people need to get married right away. Or that living with a partner is bad. So thanks for your opinion but I don't believe the way you do about living with someone. Maybe I am just more open. And who knows if I want to get married. you don't know me!
Walk Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 Ok get off your high horse. We both needed roomates and we had never met before I moved in with him. "JUST ROOMMATES" did you get that? s*** happends, we ended up liking each other. Now I wrote this because I want to ask him if he is interested in me...or just you know hooking up? Thats all? I don't even know if I care what the answer is at this point. If he just wants to stop and be roommates thats fine I just want to know. Do you understand? And not everyone thinks people need to get married right away. Or that living with a partner is bad. So thanks for your opinion but I don't believe the way you do about living with someone. Maybe I am just more open. And who knows if I want to get married. you don't know me! Don't let supermonk bug you, he seems to enjoy stiring up trouble. I'd be a little nervous if i were in your situation. Mostly because things are so new, I'd be concerned about too much "together" time at the start. And also if the two of you didn't work out, it'd be really uncomfortable living there after that. On the other hand.. you already know each others annoying living habits and have adapted to them, he's probably already seen you at your "worst", and there's no question of "I wonder if he's really sick in bed, or out with another woman". Best of luck to you.
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