lostsmile Posted May 24, 2006 Posted May 24, 2006 I want to be the OW! H has been emotionally abusive. We have started counseling and things are going very good. He has done a complete 180 turn around and is trying very hard. I've decided to enjoy all he's giving me now. We both want to work things out. Problem is... I want to be the OW too. Had EA with MM for 3 years. Broke things off and have now been in contact again. I know it's not right. I know it's selfish. I know I'm not giving myself enough credit. I want both worlds. Has anybody else every felt this way? Has anybody else every had this work?
makerm4me Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I don't think you are crazy. I am married and the om to. My husband is not a bad person but he does not lift me up, fully support, say nice things to me etc.. He has sad more mean, critical things t o me than nice. That has mad it hard for me not to want some attention from another man. Do I feel guilty? Yes, sometimes. But I don't see my husband changing and I felt like I needed something. I know we , the om, are hated. But for me right now it works. It is the only thing I look forward to in my life. Do I think you should be the om? I can't answer that for you. It is a roller coaster ride that you ride alone. No one will be there for you at the end of the ride when you are in a ball on the floor sick with heart-break. But you have do what works for you. Make yourself happy but don't hurt others if you know what I mean:)
makerm4me Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I don't think you are crazy. I am married and the om to. My husband is not a bad person but he does not lift me up, fully support, say nice things to me etc.. He has sad more mean, critical things t o me than nice. That has mad it hard for me not to want some attention from another man. Do I feel guilty? Yes, sometimes. But I don't see my husband changing and I felt like I needed something. I know we , the om, are hated. But for me right now it works. It is the only thing I look forward to in my life. Do I think you should be the om? I can't answer that for you. It is a roller coaster ride that you ride alone. No one will be there for you at the end of the ride when you are in a ball on the floor sick with heart-break. But you have do what works for you. Make yourself happy but don't hurt others if you know what I mean:)
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2006 Posted May 25, 2006 I don't think you are crazy. I am married and the om to. My husband is not a bad person but he does not lift me up, fully support, say nice things to me etc.. He has sad more mean, critical things t o me than nice. That has mad it hard for me not to want some attention from another man. Do I feel guilty? Yes, sometimes. But I don't see my husband changing and I felt like I needed something. I know we , the om, are hated. But for me right now it works. It is the only thing I look forward to in my life. Do I think you should be the om? I can't answer that for you. It is a roller coaster ride that you ride alone. No one will be there for you at the end of the ride when you are in a ball on the floor sick with heart-break. But you have do what works for you. Make yourself happy but don't hurt others if you know what I mean:) You're not letting your husband give you the chance to change his ways, or try harder. He probably doesn't have a clue what you're feeling towards him and your marriage. It was (and still is) up to you to fix your marriage, fix the problems IN the marriage...You cheating isn't his fault. That was your choice to go outside the marriage and do that. I understand neglect, needs not being met too - So, why run from it and not confront the problems? Why go seek out love and attention from OM? Why not just talk it out, fix what is broken, go to marriage counselling and TOGETHER make the marriage better?
makerm4me Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Although I thank you for your advice, it won't work here. My husband knows how I feel. He has known for sometime and he refuses to go to counceling. In fact, when I told him I was going to go he asked why I would want to do that and how we don't need that extra bill! I have been told that I am stupid, over reacting, and making a big deal out of nothing. Having your feelings shoved under rug is not fun. I am saying that what I am doing is right or the right answer for my situation or any. But for me right now, it works. Bad as that as. I just know that I am only human and fail to see the light or am maybe to easily tempted by the wrong ways of the world.
whichwayisup Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Then why not end the marriage? Why stay in a marriage when you're really unhappy? Don't stay because you're scared to be on your own. To stay with someone, and cheat still isn't the right thing to do. Does he KNOW about the OM?
Blind Illusion Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Alt In fact, when I told him I was going to go he asked why I would want to do that and how we don't need that extra bill! I have been told that I am stupid, over reacting, and making a big deal out of nothing. Having your feelings shoved under rug is not fun. . My husband said the same exact thing about counseling. And said all the mean abusive things also. That's why i don't shed any tears for partners like that when the other one finds someone that is somewhat decent to her. (or him)
Guest Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Then why not end the marriage? Why stay in a marriage when you're really unhappy? Don't stay because you're scared to be on your own. To stay with someone, and cheat still isn't the right thing to do. Does he KNOW about the OM? I am not sure if this is directed at me or Lostsmile, but I would like to respond. I have thought about ending my marriage off and on for almost two yrs. But I struggle with the things that I have seen happened to children when their parents divorce. This is a second marriage for my husband. I have seen what he and his son ahve gone through. And although I feel like I could handle it mith more maturity than they did, divorce is not easy and no one knows how they will repond to it. I know if we do end this marriage I would fight to keep it as peacefull as possible where my children are concerned. But my other issue is financial. I don't want his money and where we live the courts here are horrible to men. I have been trying to find full-time work for the last two months it is hard. But I want to see if maybe I could find a job. I know that there are others on this site that have been badly hurt by thier spouses affair. I read it in their posts. I feel for them I really do and it is in a way showing me the pain that my husband could end up feeling, again. I don't like who I am right now most of the time. I do not expect or want mm to leave his wife for me ever! I will not for him. We have that agreement. Strange as that may sound. I expect no sympathy from anyone ever for this and I don't expect anyone ever to understand. But if I could I would like to tell the others who spouses have cheated, from my perspective, it is not thier fault. Something is missing in me and my marriage but it is not just my husband's fault. That I know.
whichwayisup Posted May 26, 2006 Posted May 26, 2006 Then tell him you want to stay married and have an open marriage. Let him go out and be with OW - Why is it fair for just you to have your cake and eat it too?? Maybe he'd want that - AND still wanna stay married.
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